Confused Disbelieving

My parents were mystical rather than religious. Their ancestors were Jewish, but they were confused about their identity. They sent me to study my religious traditions at an orthodox synagogue when I was about ten. I was bored and disinterested. After I whined about it enough, they stopped making me go.

They mostly worshipped health food. They weren't very healthy people. During the time when polio was an epidemic, they didn't let their five children be vaccinated. As far as I can tell, they believed if we (my four siblings and I) drank raw milk (I milked the cow), ate organic eggs (I collected the eggs) and avoided eating white sugar, we wouldn't get polio. None of us caught polio; maybe they were right. I suspect they were playing Russian Roulette with their children's health. We were just lucky; none of us had a bullet in the viral chamber.

As far as I know, I never believed in God as a child. One of my sisters is a fundamentalist Christian who was "born again" when she was 13. I believe she suffers from a personality disorder. I don't attribute her condition to her belief system. She is a Christian with a personality disorder; if she were an atheist, she would be an atheist with a personality disorder.

Another of my sisters is an Anthroposophist, which seems to be a nutty but mostly harmless cult. They are best known for the Waldorf Schools and biodynamic farming.

One of my brothers was an atheist until he had a heart attack. In intensive care he decided he was a religious believer. I don't know what he believes in. He is bi-polar. Again, I don't think of religion as a mental illness. My brother is just a religious bi-polar person.

My other brother showed signs of being a sociopath as a child. Although I didn't know the word "sociopath" as a 12-year-old child, I understood the concept. As I was chasing my brother (then 9) with a knife in my hand as I contemplated this concept, I am not perhaps an outstanding witness for the prosecution. There were other reasons to think of my brother as a sociopath (though I'm pretty sure none involved dead bodies), but he grew out of it by his twenties. He now has a good marriage (his 2^nd marriage), three children who are doing all right, and a successful business. He is smarter and more talented than I am. He is an atheist. He also home schooled his children, even though he is an atheist and not an evangelical Christian.

I remember the exact time and circumstances when I became an agnostic as well as how I became a radical agnostic. I will describe those in my next post.