Wicked Pissa: How to tok like you’re from Bawstin, or – at least how to understand how people tok in Bawstin.

Wicked Pissa: How to tok like you’re from Bawstin, or – at least how to understand how people tok in Bawstin.

***

Took me foahevah ta unnerstan n' even longah ta learn ta speak Bawstin. I had no idear.

Just something I wrote tonight. Another one next week. A lot of vocabulary to learn.

Just read aloud and you’ll be a native in no time.

***

To staht the cah, put the cahkis in the cah, drive out yah driveway, bang a uey, stop at the dinah for a frappe, but don’t leave yah pocketbook on the bench.

Go ta Dot Ave, then ta Southie, or up ta the Cahmmin but you cahn’t pahk yah cahr in the Cahmmin gahrage because it’s full of cahs.

You wanna hang onna conna before yuz guys go to the wicked pissa pahty in Eastie, but firhst you need some beah.

So yah drive 93 Nawth for a coupla hours, 2 miles, stahp atta packie for a sixpahk, then tah bahr for chowda and tonic.

Your ahnt takes a bahth at hahfpahst foah every day, so you hurry home, but must stop first at the stoah for brown bread and baked beans.

You turn onna radio:

Cassell and Brady’r wicked retahded. Patsies stink, only hope is the Seltz and the Broons.

You see people who weren’t bon heah. Tourists.

“Excuse me, which way to Cheers, please?"

Cheers doesn’t exist. It’s the Bull & Finch Pub. You point them in the wrong direction, and tell them to walk the Freedahm Trail on Trehmahnt Street near TRAPelo.

TRAPelo is miles away in Wahltham. So is TrapELo.

Tourists are wicked bzah. They believe anything.

You see the Mayah who says, Hahwahya, Kathryn?

Wicked pissa, Mr. Mayah. Whosda flahwiz for?

The wife, sez Mr. Mayah.

Another tourist asks directions to Worchester.

Wooster? You say. 40 miles West.

Ya heah someone yelling, Damn Yankees. Toking ‘bout Ramirez, Damon, Martinez Clemons, heah.

By now, y’ah tahd from telling the tourists wheh ta go. Ya put yah cahkis in yah cah and go ta Hahvahd Yahd fah a drink. But ya cahn’t pahk yah cahr in Hahvahd Yahd cuz y’ahd get towed ta Mefud.

So yah drive ta Concud, New Hampshah. Instead.

So, howdya do?

Lexicon:

Tok- talk

Bawstin- Boston

Staht - start

Cah – car

Cahkis – car keys

Bang a uey – make a U-turn

Dinah - diner

Frappe – milk shake with ice cream. If you order a milk shake, you get a milk shake, as in ‘milk, shaken – not stirred.’

Pocketbook – ladies handbag, purse

Dot Ave. Dorchester Avenue.

Southie, South Boston. Not to be confused with South End. South End is South End. Southie is South of Boston, AKA South Boston.

Cahmmin – The Boston Common. Not to be written incorrectly as The Boston Commons. Correct: The Boston Common and The Public Gardens. You can always tell when a writer is not bon heah. They always get it wrong.

Hang onna conna – hang on the corner (hang out with friends)

Yuz guys – you guys

Wicked pissa – extremely good. Pissa: supreme. Wicked: an intensifier.

Eastie – East Boston. Not to be confused with East of Boston. East of Boston is the harbor.

Beah- beer.

Nawth – north

Packie – package store. Packaged liquors. Bottled liquors. In other words, a liquor store, ya booze hounds.

Bahr – bar

Chowda – clam chowda – clams, cream and potatoes, no tomatoes. That’s for you New Yawk Yankees.

Tonic – soft drink.NOT tonic water.

Ahnt – aunt

Bahth – bath

Hahfpahst – half past

Foah – four

Stoah – store

Retahded – retarded (silly)

Patsies – New England Patriots

Seltz – Boston Celtics

Broons – Boston Bruins

Weren’t bon heah – weren’t born here.

Freedahm Trail – Freedom Trail. Only for tourists. I’ve never walked it.

Trehmont – Tremont Street. (short e)

TRAPelo – TrapELo – Trapelo Road – from Waltham to Lincoln. New England Yankees pronounce it TRAPelo; Bawstins say TrapELo. Tourists don’t even attempt.

Bzah – bizarre – odd.

Mayah – Mayor

Hahwahya – how are you?

Flahwiz – flowers

Worchester – Wooster. You had ta ask? In other words, Worcester.

Y’ah tahd – you’re tired

Hahvahd Yahd – Harvard Yard

Mefud – Medford

Concud, New Hampshah – Concord, New Hampshire.

But can you say:

Leominster?

Leicester?

Gloucester?

Try it.

Copyright (c) 2008 Kathryn Esplin-Oleski. All rights reserved.