The Adventures of Harvey

A few years ago at a Christmas party, a man named Harvey was telling everyone about his 'Adventure' vacation. Harvey tossed his muffler over his shoulder, adjusted his spectacles and proceeded to wow all in earshot of his exciting, thrilling, danger packed trip, or just another day for Harvey, man of adventure.. Yes, he had a moustache. Woman with saucer eyes and powdered noses were batting their eyes at every grand utterance he made.

With a flair for the dramatic, Harvey lowered his voice. 'You all look so sweet and my tale may upset your sensibilities, so please leave now, or stay and have these images etched on your brain forever.' A few of the ladies gasped, but none left. Silence hung thick in the air and then suddenly Harvey spoke. 'I was in Amish country in Pennsylvania, so I felt a lot safer than I did in Detroit, but my journey then took me to...'

This story now gets into heightened adventure, so if you're faint of heart, you should know this is not about the Amish, Amish built wood stoves or the movie 'Witness.' Now, back to Harvey.

Harvey had paused and then with a low voice he said, 'Sabinsville.' One lady fainted and the audible gasps sounded like a choir. Harvey looked around at his audience and said, 'It took all the courage I could muster, but I walked down the center of the dusty main street looking for a good pancake shop. I spied one at the edge of town buried in the shadows. There was snow on the ground and a lady named Elsie, wearing socks, said, 'Sheila is waiting?'

'I imagine some men would have run, but I like a good challenge. Sheila, holding a fork and knife in her hand said, 'You must want pancakes or you would not have ventured into the neck of these woods.' I let her know I wanted five pancakes and she said, 'Shaken or stirred,' I made my choice, then said, 'Can I have my coffee first. I don't want decaf.' 'We don't serve decaf. It comes in black only.'

When Sheila brought my coffee, I made a mistake and asked her for honey. Instantly, all of the other customers stopped talking and started looking at me. You could hear a pin drop and one man whispered, 'Heresy!' Sheila got into a figure 8 Kung Fu fighting pose and said, 'Only I call my husband honey.' I assured her I wasn't talking about her husband and only wanted honey for my coffee. She looked at me like I was crazy.

She said, 'You some sort of illegal alien?' Before I could answer she said, 'We only use maple syrup in these parts.' 'The breakfast was quite delicious. Sheila agreed to give me a tour of her fair city. Suddenly a bear came crashing through the woods, but I dispatched it with ease and sent it back to Burlington Vermont. After this, my strength was sapped and Sheila recommended a hot tub. It was filled with hot maple syrup. Removing the maple syrup from my body was the most difficult adventure of my life. All the women swooned as he said this and Harvey adjusted his spectacles.'