Elizabeth Alexander, a finalist for the 2006 Pulitzer Prize in Poetry, has been selected to read an original poem at President-elect Barack Obama's inauguration. But what if she gets writer's block, or has a sore throat on January 20th?
Not that Liberation Army.
What if she is kidnapped by the Surrealist Liberation Army, or another group dedicated to radical meters and rhyme schemes? Join Of Poetry and Politics moderator Cleanth Wilmot for an exclusive interview with Willard Shea, who would step in in the event of Ms. Alexander's inability or refusal to perform her functions.
Alexander: "Really--I feel fine."
WILMOT: Good afternoon and welcome to Of Poetry and Politics, the rarely-listened to radio show that tries desperately--some would say tragically--to get people to stop listening to KISS 108 and tune in for some verse. Our guest today is Willard Shea, the current poet laureate for the U.S. Department of Commerce, who under the 28th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is next in line to read a poem should anything happen to prevent Elizabeth Alexander from fulfilling her poetic duties on Inauguration Day. Good afternoon.
SHEA: Glad to be here.
WILMOT: Who's the other fellow you've brought along today?
SHEA: He's my Secret Service guy. I can't even go to the bathroom without him.
WILMOT: That's fine, but we only have one T-shirt and home game version of "Of Poetry and Politics" to give you. So tell me--what's it like being a heartbeat away from giving the inaugural poem?
Robert Frost: "Big deal, so you're getting colder--think of me, I'm so much older."
SHEA: It's nerve-wracking, let me tell you. I've re-written my 3" x 5" card several times.
WILMOT: Any hint you can give to us about what your poem is like?
SHEA: Well, the weather's probably going to be cold, so I plan on keeping it short.
SECRET SERVICE GUY: Thanks--I appreciate that.
WILMOT: Lyric, tragic, epic, comic?
SHEA: Pragmatic. "Now we've got a brand-new president, Who will be a D.C. resident."
WILMOT: (pause) That's pretty . . . pedestrian.
SHEA: I learned to keep my poetry brief and to the point at the Commerce Department. "Some folks call Department of Commerce trade missions 'junkets'. They're so stupid, if they took a urine test they'd probably flunk it."
U.S. Commerce Department
WILMOT: Pithy. How exactly did the Department of Commerce end up hiring its own poet laureate?
SHEA: It was a mistake. There was a line item in the FY08 budget for a window air conditioner, and a congressional aide spilled her Starbucks Mochachino on it.
Where the milk for a mochachino comes from
WILMOT: So as signed into law . . .
SHEA: I get paid $147 per year after mail-in rebate.
WILMOT: Wow--that's not much.
SHEA: Actually, it's more than I made as a part-time faculty member in my last job.
WILMOT: Where was that?
SHEA: Orono Junior College in Maine.
WILMOT: Did it at least come with health and dental?
SHEA: No--we got unlimited chamomille tea in the faculty lounge, and that was it.
"I've got this freaking poetry assignment, but I need to take my car in for an alignment."
WILMOT: What do you see as the future of poetry under an Obama administration?
SHEA: I wish he'd bring back Burma-Shave signs.
WILMOT: I've never heard of them.
SHEA: Are you serious? They brought poetry to the highways and by-ways of America, all in the service of Burma-Shave, America's favorite brushless shaving cream.
Burma-Shave roadside poetry
WILMOT: Well, I hope we could aim a little higher than that.
SHEA: Oh, you're one of those poetry snobs.
SECRET SERVICE GUY: You think you're better than us, don't you?
WILMOT: No, it's just that, poetry is a heightened form of language that we use to express our most exquisite sensibilities.
SECRET SERVICE GUY: I got your "exquisite sensibilities" right here, pal.
WILMOT: Well, what kind of poetry do you like?
SECRET SERVICE GUY: I dunno. I read a good poem in the Daily Nebraskan the other day.
SHEA: The independent student newspaper of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln?
SECRET SERVICE GUY: On the nosey.
WILMOT: What was it about?
"Now that was sheer poetry!"
SECRET SERVICE GUY: A kid from Nebraska who kicked a 57-yard field goal in a game against Colorado!
WILMOT: Wow!
SHEA: See what I mean? You academic types are missing out on a whole lot of great poetry with your lavendar-scented fool's cap.
SpongeBob SquarePants stationery--perfect for the budding poet in your house.
WILMOT: That's about all the time we have today. Next week we'll have Ted Kooser, former U.S. Poet Laureate, who is also from Nebraska.
SECRET SERVICE GUY: What position does he play?
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Comments: 8
My hubby is in the hospital. And, your column made my day. So very funny..
Yet, relatively, true.
What position does he play?
Priceless.
Is when we get to say
Howdy thar, new chief;
I said HOWDY (are ye deef?)...
... then I sank into oblivion.
Hail to thee, Vice President-guy.
You brought balance to the ticket, and less Q. of I.
The job is yours, we hope that it form-fits,
As another Veep said, it ain't worth a bucket of warm spit.
Okay...
Biden is the new VP
and from him we do hope to see
less greed and tendencies toward jail,
and less buddy-shooting, over quail.
I've seen it--it's cold, but still a nice place.
As to his pastimes, I'm not disapproving
Of any that don't involve bird-shot in the face.
There once was an old guy from Del.
Who said, "Being VP is swell
But if I’d been Gov.
I’d have gotten more love
And a hot senate seat I could sell."