Almost Riding With Santa - Humor Monday

It's that time of year and Mrs. Claus feels like quitting

Her fingers numb from all the mittens she's been knitting

And now she can't believe, as the reindeer start to prance

Santa, of all people, has just split his pants

So with needle and thread with fingers and twitches

She is sewing non stop to let out his britches

Too many burgers and fries she kept saying to him

And he just would answer I don't have to be slim

So quickly he tugs on his mended clothes

up over his belly will his buttons close

Well he's set to go, all the deer in a line

He waves to her happily, she sighs, he's all mine

She'd just settled down in a chair for a nap

The phone is ringing, oh dear it's her cell

Santa is saying I'm caught in a trap

dreams of sugar plums canceled, for sure she could tell

He says the chimneys are smaller than they were last year

You have to call someone to get me, I need help out here

So she dialed 911, quickly on their special line

and said you will have to rescue that fat husband of mine

Santa's elves had to finish the rest of the trip

And Mrs. Claus said, now Santa, you must get a grip

No more burgers and fries and snacks in between

At this time next year you will have to be lean

So the new Santa you see will be trimmer and svelte

With only Lean Cuisines going under his belt

Rudolph is saying that's good, Holy Cow

That old guy was too fat, at my age to pull now

So the microwave is cooking all kinds of good food

Tiny little portions not good for his mood

Mrs Santa is snickering that's how it goes

when you get too fat for the chimney and clothes

She puts her finger up the side of her nose

As the frozen dinners are nuking ,she catches a doze

HO HO HO Santa, Merry Christmas