The Jewish Dog

A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog.  So he calls him Irving.  He can't
wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor finally comes
over, the guy calls Irving into the house, bragging about how smart he is.

The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail
wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with
anticipation.

The guy points to the newspaper by the door and commands  Okay, Irving:
"Fetch!"

Immediately, the dog climbs on to the couch and sits, his tail wagging
curiously.  Then all of a sudden, he stops.  His doggie smile disappears.
He starts to frown and puts on a sour face.

Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my
tail all the time? Oy ... This constant wagging of the tail puts me in such
pain, you should only know!"

"And you think it's easy eating that dreck you call designer dog food?
Forget it... It's too salty and it gives me gas.  And also the runs, but
what do you care?  Why don't you try it if you think it's so good?  You try
it.  Dreck I say!"

"Then you push me out the door to take care of my business, twice a day.
It's disgusting I tell you!  And when was the last time you took me for a
nice long walk?  I can't remember when!"

The neighbor is absolutely amazed... Stunned. In astonishment, he says, "I
can't believe it. Irving can speak.  Your dog actually talks.  Here he is
sitting on the sofa talking to us. Oh my god!"

"I know, I know." says the owner.  "He's not yet fully trained. He thought I
said,  'Kvetch'."