My best friend has the perfect life from the outside. She is a stay at home mom in a beautiful home. Her husband makes takes home $10K a month. Her husband is very handsome and fit at 42 years old. Although he has been loving, he works very hard. Over the past year or so, things have started to fall apart. It first started with a brief affair. He has spent more than he could afford and refinanced the house too many times. He loves to have expensive toys. Although they have lived in their home more than 10 years, they owe more than it is worth. He got into a bad loan the last time. They are about to lose their home. They have not made their house payment for four months.
They have tried to hold on, but owe taxes, credit cards and who knows what else. He has lost his mind. I guess he can't take the pressure. He said he couldn't stay. He moved into his mother's house. He comes over every morning to take the children to school, and most nights to put them to bed. He says he can't stay. He still loves her, doesn't want a divorce, but needs to "find himself". He has been gone for a little over two months. He calls her crying and says and does crazy things.
This past weekend he called her from work, and said that he was on his way over. He had the shotgun, and he was going to shoot her and then kill himself. She first called her father in Indiana. There is not a lot he can do, since she is in California. He told her to hang up and call 911. She did. He got there and found four sheriffs there. They searched him and the car, and did not find a gun. Unfortunately she did not press charges on him. He played it off like she was crazy.
She went to a lawyer today to discuss her options. He begged her not to go. At first she wanted him to come home, and work things out, but she isn't sure about that any more. When I talked to her tonight, she said that he went to a self help group for depression. It will take a lot of work to reconcile the issues that are between them. I have been worried about her, and don't know what to do other than listen.
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Comments: 31
BTW, do you know--does he know that people who make in a year what he makes in a month are "too rich" to be eligible for Medicaid? If they get chest pains, they can't afford an ambulance so they just gut it out in their own bed and if they die, they die, because they are "too rich" to get the help they need.
And he can't live on that much per *month* and keep his bills under control???
I agree with Visionaraerie B's response above whole heartedly.
... whatever happened to buying a red convertible ?
I help out in domestic violence, and people like me with medical problems.
All we can really do is listen. Be there for them. It is really there choice how much they are willing to put up with.
I get very upset when I get close with the ones involved. Last lady was beat up by her adult child and I just about sent the law to her house with her begging me not to. I spoke with another who helps in such matters and she had to calm me down and remind me not to get so involved, but how can one not? Like you are involved.
We can listen, put our two cents in, but the bottom line is it is the choice of the wife. I also had such people very angry with me for putting in my two cents, they just needed someone to listen to them and feel someone cares, which it is obvious you do. Sometime people are so much into the fog they do not see clearly. Such as this wife, she feels overwhelmed it sounds like and would rather have everything back the way it was when it was good times?
He said ,she said is the only thing the law can go on. But if there is emails or a note in writing then it can be taken more serious for it is obvious. The wife needs to call the law every time the husband makes such threats . This is a paper trail. Just in case you know? If he gets to out of control, the wife can commit him into a hospital which I hate to tell people but it is better then what might happen.
I do congratulate your heart and caring like you do!
I do hope your friend can resolve this predicament without anyone being hurt. You can only be there for her
I will pray for her and her children. She needs to seriously rethink the "getting back together." I would hate to find her and the children on the evening news.
Strong emotions are involved in your friend's troubled life. She should be very cautious since her husband has threatened her! If he's thought it and verbalized it he may actually do it!
Money, possessions, social positioning - none of these things can make a person happy. Typically if one is unhappy the results are usually negative - and some people feel like if they lose their job or their husband or their house they've lost it all. It sounds like your friend needs something good to focus on in her life. Maybe you could help point her into a more positive direction by reminding her of the good things she has. Is she healthy? Attractive? Young? Intelligent? If she can shift her focus she can change her life by altering her results! We seem to spend our lives searching everywhere we can for happiness and we never realize that happiness is inside of yourself and can't be found "out there". There's no magic pill or program that will help her until she begins to help herself. Stay close to her as a good friend should, and stay positive, picturing your friend happy in your mind and maybe the vibes will rub off on her. Keep the faith!
Peace, Love & Inspiration...Always