About Freedom

This is a section out of my exploration of Sally, a lady I met once when young.  She was born 1858 into slavery.  She lived until 1969.

Sally, An Exploration of Her Life and My Own Life
(We Both Awoke to Find We Had Been Sleeping With God)

What does freedom really mean?  The analytical mind would use terms such prosperity, peace, a stress free life or success as possible terms to describe freedom and such terms as bondage, enslavement, and physiological or mental torture as a way of describing what freedom is not. A divine enlightened soul would go beyond any of those worldly terms and say that freedom is truth, and that truth is unconditional love.  Christ said that the truth shall set you free, and that God is love.  Buddha would say the desire to want prosperity or peace and to not want the difficulties or distresses of life - to judge either as good or bad are merely entrapments of the physical world of illusion, which is the opposite of freedom.  In this respect who is truly free?

Did we once sit at God’s metaphorical feet as He/She doled out earth assignments to test our wills while in physical bodies to find our way back to true freedom?  It all seems so easy in the midst of love. I can imagine God laughing at the children at His feet, “We’ll see how good you are at this game. I will create disguises for you so you won’t know who you truly are.”  We eagerly raise our hands volunteering for such an easy game as God picks one to be the master and one to be the slave, one to be the rich man and one to be the poor man.  Then He says, “Let’s see who is able to know true freedom and unconditional love the quickest.” God explains the rules of the game. But we are all just kindergarten students in this game of life.  One student raises his hand and asks, “Can we take anything with us on this journey?” God says, “Sure, you can take a piece of me.”  Someone in the back waves his hand, “What if we don’t like the came and want to quit?”  Gods says, “You’ve heard my story of the prodigal son.”  God finishes writing the scripts and sends us off in groups giving us a word of warning before departure, “Now remember its only a game.  Play well with each other – no rough housing or name calling.”  We awoke into foreign forms and said, “Good job, God, I’ll take over from here.”

Once you’ve known slavery and injustice you derive freedom in different ways.  Slaves on the plantations knew freedom in whatever form they could grab.  They had little leisure time.  Even though they were slave owners, most masters called themselves Christians and were considered to be God-fearing men and women of the church.  They respected the commandment of keeping the Sabbath holy and free of work.  For this reason most masters relieved their slaves of any work duties on Sundays, the Christian day of rest. Slaves used the day to engage in a variety of activities.  Plantation slaves used this time as a catch up and time to spend with family since their workweek for the master took every day light hour. The work of a slave began at the break of day and did not end until well into the night.  Twelve to fifteen hour days of hard labor were common.  Men would often do more skilled labor.  Women would be expected to work in the fields just as long and hard as any man.  Even though a master didn’t expect as much of a yield from a woman often they kept up quite well with any man in the results of their labor. Household slaves had better living conditions and were given more freedom.  But this could often result in other problems such as resentment from slaves who worked in the fields, unwanted attentions from the masters towards female slaves, or jealousy on the part of the mistress of the house.

The domestic slave was considered privileged and among the elite in the case of a large population of slaves on a plantation or farm. The usual stereotype of the household slave describes them as eating better food and wearing better clothes.  They ate the leftovers from the master’s cupboards and received the hand-me-down clothes from the master or mistress’s wardrobe.  Their tasks were not limited to one specialty.  They performed whatever job might be required in a household, from cooking or serving of meals, caring for infants, sewing or mending clothes, possibly weaving, dusting, cleaning and scrubbing, and churning milk. They might also do other tasks outside the house such as tending the horses, milking cows, tending to shrubbery and the yard.  If really trusted by the master or mistress the slave might be given passes and trusted to go into town or other plantations running errands or going to market.  Unlike the back bending repetitious work of the field hand the work was varied and could change from day to day.  The domestic slave might develop a sense of superiority over his or her own kind.

Most of the other slaves envied the position of the domestic slave.  However, the slave working in the house was at the master’s disposal day or night, as well as under his or her watchful eye.  The inevitability of the position depended on the compassion or gentleness of the master.  If the owner showed kindheartedness and affection between the two might develop.  The household slave might be given compliments or small gifts if the master had such a benevolent nature.  If the opposite proved true, life could be a miserable existence with little rest and constant threat of mistreatment.

There was no easy way out in the life of a slave.  Any slave could mentally fall into the trap of thinking a situation good. The sad truth is that the domestic slave might lull him or herself into a feeling of freedom that doesn’t exist.

One way slaves were kept in line was with fear of separating them from their families. At the end of the Civil War they might reunite but more than often the war also further divided families.  Once freed men were forced to leave their families in order to find work.  After emancipation others remained in a lessoned state of servitude, as they became sharecroppers on their master’s land.  Some had been in bondage and with their white masters for so long they chose to stay.  There was a form of security in the only home they had ever known.  This was the case with Ib and Nell who both stayed with Mrs. Erwin.

Most couldn’t read or write.  Even though technically their legal status was that of freedom after the war, this fact was not made readily available to them.  Change was slow in coming, and blacks would suffer and eventually wage their own one hundred years war in order to obtain the freedom granted to them by the emancipation proclamation.  The psychological scars are now borne by both blacks and whites. None, whether master, slave or bystander to either, who bore the scars or mental anguish caused by slavery knew freedom.

Some slaves worshipped on Sundays, but the day was also used for cleaning, hunting, gardening, and social gathering.  Slaves made the most of what they had and of what little freedom and independence that was given to them.  Slave owners were divided on how they felt about their slaves attending church.  Some encouraged their conversion to Christianity.  Others felt threatened by their slaves practicing religion.  Practicing Christianity was seen as entering the white man’s world, in some cases, which neither master nor slave, wanted.  The sermon that was preached was servitude to the master and the heavenly reward for being a good slave.  It was rare that they could establish their own church and congregation.  Their religious practices were contained as much as possible. They practiced their religion in whatever way they could, going to white churches, confined to the back or balcony, meeting in the houses of empathetic whites or worshipping out of doors.  Often church meetings were under a tree, sitting on benches, rocks and tree stumps, or just spreading a blanket over a grassy area.

Slaves could also be given rain days off. Since slaves were considered a commodity, giving them a day off for rain was better than having them catch a chill and get sick which might knock them out work for a week.  Charles Ball in writing his memoirs as a former slave, recounts:   “I have before observed, that the planters are careful of the health of their slaves, and in pursuance of this rule, they seldom expose them to rainy weather, especially in the sickly seasons of the year, if it can be avoided.

In the spring and early parts of the summer, the rains are frequently so violent, and the ground becomes so wet, that it is injurious to the cotton to work it, at least whilst it rains. In the course of the year there are many of these rainy days, in which the people cannot go to work with safety; and it often happens that there is nothing for them to do in the house. At such time they make baskets, brooms, horse collars, and other things, which they are able to sell amongst the planters.”

Most knew freedom in their faith and spirituality. Music is what is most associated with independence of the Negro.  Gospel or spiritual hymns as well as blues originated on the plantations as a form of faith and an outlet for endurance of hard labors they performed from sunrise until sunset.   The whites called them slave songs.  The slaves chorused in vibration and rhythm temporarily relieving the futility and bleakness of their captivity.  They lifted their voices in harmony to make their burden lighter.  They pealed out in acapella in hope of future freedom.  In Fredrick Douglass’ autobiography he describes how slaves “would make the dense old woods…reverberate with their wild songs, revealing at once the highest joy and the deepest sadness.” Some learned an instrument such as the banjo or fiddle offering even more of a release and making a slave even more valuable to the master.  Songs were not only a release to the slaves but a form of communication with each other.  While working out in the fields they spoke across long distances using well-coordinated call and response songs.  This form of communication was an intricate highly sophisticated language by its own right informing each other of gatherings, inquiring of another’s well-being, and even making professions of love.

When shown an aptitude or inclination, slaves were trained in crafts such as blacksmithing, glassmaking, woodcarving, and weaving.  The soul would always find a way for expression in the most difficult of times.  Slaves worked with what little they had and produced some of the finest and most intricate pieces of art and craftsmanship even with the most difficult of obstacles and the most meager of materials thrown their way.  Women produced some beautifully crafted quilts with the scraps of material discarded by the white folks. The spirit that couldn’t be held down emerged in many forms, through song, dance, cooking, and art and craft.  Some received training in certain professions.  Some were trained in the art of making stained glass, and their work can be seen on many churches in the South.  Biblical scenes were depicted, with a common theme being Moses leading his people out of Egypt.

If shackled enough on the outside, the human will eventually finds a way to loosen the shackles from within.  Prisoners in solitary confinement, after learning meditation have expressed freedom beyond being anything they had ever known even being on the outside.

Another time of freedom was during the Christmas season when they were given a holiday. Slaves greatly looked forward to this time as they were generally given off the days between Christmas and New Years. Writing about this time, Frederick Douglass remembered: ” … we were not required to perform any labor, more than to feed and take care of the stock. This time we regarded as our own, by the grace of our masters; and we therefore used or abused it nearly as we pleased. Those of us who had families at a distance, were generally allowed to spend the whole six days in their society.”

In ‘America’s Women’: Gail Collins writes:

‘Christmas was the biggest holiday of the year. “Slaves lived just for Christmas to come round” said Fannie Berry. “Start getting ready the first snowfall. Commence to saving nuts and apples, fixing up party clothes, snitching lace and beads from the big house. General celebrating time, you see, because husbands is coming home and families is getting united again. Husbands hurry on home to see the new babies. Everybody happy.” On regular Saturday nights there were dances in the slave quarters or gatherings of young people who played kissing games. “Used to go over to the Saunders place for dancing” said Fannie Berry. “Must have been a hundred slaves over there, and they always had the best dances…Gals always tried to fix up for partying, even if they ain’t got nothing but a piece of ribbon to tie in their hair.” Courtship rituals were much like those of other working-class Americans. “All week they wear their hair rolled up with cotton” said Amos Lincoln of Charleston. “Sunday come, they comb the hair out fine”. Like white girls of the era, the young slaves felt eating in public was unladylike, and they ate at home before they went out to dinner.”

Sally was more than likely given the red dress that she was so proud of and that she wore to church on Sundays as a Christmas present.

Some have said that Sally was a slave all of her life.  This was hinted at when someone who remembered talking to her stated she replied, “If you say so, Mr. ____,” in her usual bashful manner.  This definitely has the resemblance of the response a slave might give.  Others say she was treated kindly.  I think there was a mixture of both along with a conditioning that someone born into slavery and lived their life set apart because of the color of their skin would naturally have. In glancing with the physical eyes you could say she was still in a kind of bondage. In looking with the spiritual eye you would see quite the reverse.  She had an interior freedom that no one could touch.  In certain areas her station in life fenced her in, but there were no fences around her heart and that is where true freedom lies.

I would venture to say her thoughts were pure.  She didn’t see other people as the cause of her problems.  We are spiritual beings in a material world.  Most of us hide our spirituality behind all the materialism we can muster.  The fact that Sally didn’t judge set her apart.  She looked at people with her heart. Her heart was big.  Her heart was open.  Her heart was unfenced.  The mind is a different situation.  The mind tries its best to interfere with the goodness lying in the heart.  She trained her mind to coincide with her heart in the performance of her duties. Sally’s hard work throughout life became a form of Zen.  She was the enlightened soul who still chopped the wood and carried the water.  Work was a privilege and honor for her.  Work was a form of worship for her, as was her cooking, which was her offering.  Her work was carried out to a large extent in silence.  Sally was not a vocal person.

Liberation is achieved in various ways.  There is grace.  There are works.  Some achieve it through their own power with faith.   Sally had a combination of all combined with an unassuming meekness and humility.  She started with the heart, where all victory over limitations begin and progressed towards control and purification of her mind.

She lived in a white world among others who were stumbling around absorbed in the ego (edging God out of their lives) and the many problems the ego brings.  While others were edging God out Sally was relying on the source of comfort she had discovered early on – her faith in God.  If we indeed choose our lives on earth, why would anyone choose to be born into slavery?  Why would a soul choose to lose their parents at an early age?  Why would a person choose a skin color that would subject them to intolerances and injustices?  Buddhist and Hindu teachings would suggest a life fraught with such difficulty would lead to quicker salvation.  Sally raised her hand and volunteered for the game.

“Well, I don’t know what will happen now. We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn’t matter with me now. Because I’ve been to the mountaintop.” From the speech of Martin Luther King, Jr. on April 3, 1968.  This speech was given while Sally was in the nursing home, a year before her death.  I hope she heard it.  I thought I understood the speech, but at that point in time I was hearing it more or less with physical ears, not through spiritual ones.  It was not until 1992 that I experienced what the mountaintop truly meant.

In the middle of the night I awoke to a rare experience.  Some divine intervention happened for what reason I don’t know.  Maybe I wanted my true home.  A state of grace fell upon me.  I felt myself falling through time and space.  Rather than falling back asleep, I fell awake.  I temporarily left the maya and illusion to experience truth, the only reality that truly exists.

I found myself floating out in the universe, as a ball of energy, around other balls of energy, which were like stars to me.  It was totally beautiful, and reminiscent of our Hubble telescope images of space.   I felt I was part of the Milky Way Galaxy, as afterwards, that is what I thought it most resembled.  The things I experienced were total bliss and ecstasy, and that I was a part of unconditional love, oneness with God.  I intuitively termed it as Source during the experience.  This unconditional love, wisdom and all knowledge were the Source of everything.  It was God, who was everything and nothing, everywhere and nowhere. My experience of God was of this unconditional love, which emanated from the center, radiating outward. Although, I was experiencing all of this love and oneness, I still felt individuality.  I felt that the other lights were also souls.  Some of the interpretation comes from thoughts afterwards.  During the experience I knew all knowledge and wisdom where readily attainable; however, it all went away after the experience.  I didn’t ask any of life’s questions; although I think anything would have come intuitively.  All I cared about was being cradled in the arms of God, metaphorically speaking, like an innocent baby.  I didn’t exist in physicality in this dimension. The other thing was the non-existence of time, which seemed perfectly natural, but was hard to understand after coming back into this existence.   Everything on this plane involves time.  With God time didn’t really exist.  It was like going home for a short period.  I can’t really tell you how long it lasted in earthly terms…. I think only minutes, as compared to hours.

Some people may describe this as out of body; however, I was more aware of what was happening in my body during this time than ever before.  It was as if I could feel every cell.  I was perfectly aware almost in a surreal way of everything physical, like I was in the body and in the heaven existence at the same time.  I didn’t want to come back from it, but when I thought of wanting to remain in this state was when I started to come back.  I could see this world in the background. Yet it was in black and white, and only an illusion, but still important or necessary. I looked at the sphere called earth knowing it was a school and a learning experience.   My daughter was just entering her teens.  My longing to remain there actually preempted any responsibility I felt as a mother.  The compelling force to stay in this bliss and ecstasy, and the unconditional love of God was so strong that nothing on earth could have held me.  Words cannot explain it.  Somehow I knew everything would continue and be fine without my earthly existence.  But these thoughts ended the experience.

There were no words spoken to me, or no meeting of any entities, just energy, and everything and everyone composed of energy and oneness and unconditional love.  For weeks afterwards, I had so much energy, and tried so hard to repeat the experience.

I wondered if this was happening to others.  I thought it couldn’t be.  If people knew this, there would be no wars, no anger of any kind at all.  This was true freedom.  Had Martin Luther King, Jr. experienced this as well?  We are all prodigal sons traveling back to this.  But first we have to learn to give unconditional love to others the way God gives it to us.  We have to learn how to truly be free within the confines of a physical existence.

We have to cast off the heavy chains of religious dogmas, national pride, racial prejudices, and wealth and poverty that we adorn ourselves with to realize who we really are – an innocent child of God.  And when we do this we will realize Dr. King’s words, “And when this happens, and when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old negro spiritual, “Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.”