Remember my recent epistle where I talked about that annoying little habit women have of wanting to eat food off a man's plate when they're out with one of us at a restaurant? Well, I had a certain lady write me an email in response, and she told me that she somewhat agreed with me re what I was saying, but, added that it really didn't matter too much as, "...getting upset about us eating food off a man's plate is strictly a guy's thing. It's no big deal to us."
A guy's thing. I've heard that terminology since back in high school when I first started dating. What it refers to is the fact that there are just some things that men like that women don't. Those little things that separate the sexes, and make them what they are. And, after thinking for a good twenty seconds, I'm gonna be kind enough to list what some of the major "guy's things" are:
1. The Three Stooges - For some unknown reason, guys love the Stooges and women don't. What's not to love? They exhibited some of the greatest physical comedy ever, and some of their sayings were priceless. Remember some of these routines:
Curly: "Whatja say?"
Moe: *gives Curly a two-finger eye poke*
Curly: "That's what I thought ya said."
Or:
Shemp: (Looking into a mirror) "There I yam - and as pretty as a picture."
Moe: "Yeah. Of an ape." (Then slaps Shemp hard).
Isn't that great? I'll bet lots of you guys out there are laughing out loud. On the other hand, I'll bet that most of you ladies are saying, "I just don't get it, I never thought the Stooges were all that funny." This is a great first example of a "guy's thing." But there's plenty more.
2. Mountain Dew - Diet Mountain Dew is my favorite soft drink in the world. I love its mellow, citrus based taste, and it has more caffeine in it than any other soft drink. But, what I've discovered is, try offering one to a woman. For some unknown reason, experience has taught me that eight out of ten women will turn a Mountain Dew down, saying, "I just don't like it." What's not to like? It tastes good, keeps you awake, and it looks the same leaving your body as when it went in. A totally useful product.
3. Burping loudly - I'm not going to say anything else here or I'll get in trouble, but just suffice it to say that most men get a big kick out of this, and all women despise it. No one ever said that Mother Nature is always pretty, you know.
4. Hating ties - Any man that has a testosterone count higher than Liberace hates neck ties. Absolutely despises them. They had to be invented by a fervent man-hater - the problem is, women love for you to wear one just as badly as you hate doing so. I'd rather spend a Saturday poisoning wasp nests than to wear a neck tie to a formal social function. Unfortunately, the women in our lives can give you pretty convincing reasons to wear one, so, we have to do it. But it still stinks like a dead frog in the hot sun, though.
5. Not wanting to use strange toilets - For some reason, women can go into a restroom in a restaurant, gas station, or other public facility and use it without hesitation. Conversely, most men hate using a strange toilet. For us, images of mutant bacteria that could eat whole cows alive live on those toilet seats. I've even resisted going to the bathroom instead of being forced to use a strange one. Honestly, I think most of you ladies out there need to rethink this one.
And there you have it. Some of the most well known "guy's things" there are. Probably, if I'm guessing right, I'd say that some of you ladies out there might want equal time, maybe a future article about "gal's things." The only thing is, I'm not biologically qualified to write it. So, if you foxy, stunning, smart, sweet, stacked, mega cool, rad to the nth Gather ladies who are reading this would like, just state below some of y'alls favorite gal things, or, just give me some good natured hell. Or cyber smoochies. Any and all and then more would be greatly appreciated.....
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Comments: 71
I need to go to bed now. it's a little past 3 and im still up.
so good night and i Gave you a 10
I have to say the men I know are like what you said.I guess it is a Guy Thing.
we all drink the dew stuff here,,,,
And I also love the Stooges, and the reason we can use strange restrooms is because we HAVE to...we can't just whip it out anywhere and go for it! And our restrooms are 10 times cleaner than the mens is almost without exception....we don't usually pee on everything in sight...:-)
But he did love the Mountain Dew one. We got a real chuckle out of that and he wanted me to read it to my 18 year old son. We called him in and before he could read it, he promptly burped a fowl Red Bull smelling nasty burp. After I chased him around the house spraying him with Febreeze and demanding an apology, he liked the Mountain Dew one, too.
;-)
Right on with the Mountain Dew, too. Although, my 17-year old daughter's a Mountain Dew lover. She must be one of the 20-percenters.
I'm with ya on the tie thing, too. I have to wear one to work most days, but wish I didn't. I guess it's kinda like the pantyhose thing in reverse. Women hate to wear 'em, but we guys love it when they do. Although on that one, my personal experience is that they're not so bad after all--as I've shared on my Gather site. Women most definitely get the better end of the deal on that one... I'd trade wearing pantyhose for wearing a tie any day. Who knows though, maybe women really like wearing ties. So maybe we CAN trade 'em!
2)I just think Mountain Dew is unhealthy choice
3)My daughter burps with gusto
4)So! try wearing 4 inch heels
5)That's because our Momma's taught us to put toilet paper down first!
I do hate ties, but none of my women friends have ever gone mushy over me if I've ever had to wear one. Turtlenecks are a different story. I love wearing turtlenecks and can guarantee a satisfyingly romantic evening if I wear one on a date. But then again I'm a hippy and only date female hippies in my own age bracket, so that could be a factor.
And in my experience #5 is exactly opposite. I haven't known a woman yet who didn't enter a public restroom armed to the teeth - Lysolā¢, scrub brushes... Hell, most of the women I know are nurses, and some of them actually tackle a public restroom with a full bottle of Betadine! Yes, they go into the restrooms in flocks and stay in there for quite a while, but that's not for relief purposes; they're in there for gossip and comparing notes on their dates. But most guys I know don't really care; if you gotta go you gotta go, and we don't care where - public restrooms, outhouses, behind a tree in the woods.
So I'm not really sure how accurate your list is, Ed.
All are interesting and make me believe that you have a dead wish attacking the apple eaters of the world---better cool it or you and the couch will have a long relationship...
2. Rip-it over Mt. Dew.
3. I have met a few women who "guy burp."
4. My band wants me to wear a tie and white shirt, sloppily, but I still don't like the idea. I hate ties and white shirts. (I'm supposed to keep that white shirt clean while I am sweating out my performance? Right!)
5. No problems with strange toilets as long as they are halfway clean.
Great post Ed, ya made me smile, BIG time.
2. Mountain Dew is disgusting
3. Better at least say excuse me.... haha
4. I HATE to dress up and we very rarely do :)
5. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go
Oh, and I don't eat from my husbands plate, I put my food on his.
As far as the Stooges, they are alright.... I will watch them but I am not as fond of them as I am Abbot and Costello and Laurel and Hardy..
Burping, I don't have a problem with it as long as its not real loud, then I think this can be controlled somewhat and never belch in public.... That's a no no.....
When I was younger I think the "guy thing" was more prevalent. I think the sexes are evening out on many things.
As for Mountain Dew, I agree, that I don't care for it.
There are some toilets that I just won't go into. At home, believe it or not, I don't like to use our toilet in the half bathroom.
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
"women can go into a restroom in a restaurant, gas station, or other public facility and use it without hesitation" -- oh, a great big NUH-UH to that! No way, man. Hesitation is our middle name.
"Monty Python's Flying Circus" -- I love it and most of the women I know love it too (of course I only know cool women).
Here's a question for you, Ed -- WHY DO MEN FEEL THE NEED TO SPIT?
Seriously! Ever been behind one of these guys who all of a sudden open up their door, you have to look to see what is going on, and then the spit a big ol' wad of mess while they have your attention? I mean, WHY????
I appeciate all the comments, can't believe everyone just doesn't love Mountain Dew!
E3
I hate using public restrooms but sometimes you just gotta go.
E3
1. I don't know anyone, male or female, who likes Larry, Moe & Curly.
2. I haven't actually seen anyone -- male or female -- drink Mountain Dew since high school, when the Church Youth Group kids would bring six-packs of it to parties and say it made them feel higher than any of the booze everyone else was chugging.
3. The loudest burpers I know are two 19-year-old girls, who scream with laughter whenever they belch, the louder it is, the harder they laugh.
4. The men I know like to put on ties once in a while, getting dressed up for a formal event. Myself, I don't think I've ever thought anything about a tie except to notice that women look kind of cool in them sometimes, like Annie Hall in the movie.
5. Women don't sit down on the toilets in public restrooms, and if the toilet's gross, we will turn around and walk out the second we get a look at the floor in front of the door. And I've never seen a man turn down the grossest, putrid out-house if he has to go, or he'll face the wall of the city dump if there's no toilet available.
I think these "guy-things" are either "girl-things" or "no-things"! :p
You're the best!
E3
Did not know the bathroom thing. My boys will whip it out and "kill a weed" faster then snot, but if asked to use a bathroom in town the boys especially, will hold it.....
The mountain dew thing - my guy only drinks this as a soda.
Burping is a all day thing,more laughed at then tv. Much to my disgust! Not to mention what sounds ect. are made from the other end!
Three three stooges yep, and that 007 guy! Making my guys watch life time tv is like a capital punishment! And when we drive all the way to see a movie (we do not have a movie house here) do you think I can watch a movie I want to see? noooooo
You seen TRACE ADKINS Rough And Ready video? Where he makes the comment about the one blue suite? See it here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKgGHKD-Nm0
My guys. They may look nice but we will never know?
Oh then bring in groceries from the hay covered truck, they think nothing of putting them on my counters, even my stove!
The boys and bathing (even shaving), I have threatened the hosing them down and I steal there cloths so they can get washed and cleaning off a dish is letting dogs lick them! I'm always checking dishes since it is one boys job now to clean them.......
When in the city my sisters boy went to the bathroom in front of god and everyone! I even had someone come to me saying one of mine was going in public! Embarrassing to me! My boys (even the dogs) are house trained, really!
My guy no longer chews, however......what about the bottles,cans whatever being left for us to clean up? Heavens forbid someone thinks it is even the beverage advertised on the label. Non of us will touch any such container without thoroughly checking it fist!
I can go on and on and on lol!
Seriously! Ever been behind one of these guys who all of a sudden open up their door, you have to look to see what is going on, and then the spit a big ol' wad of mess while they have your attention? I mean, WHY????
Cathi L.,"
Priceless!
~~Thanks for submitting this to Joke Stop!!~~
Have a great gather day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for posting to sparealine.gather.com