Alzheimers - A Different Type Of Loss (Part 1)
This is true.
I remember years ago, when my grandmother had alzheimers and it got to the point where she didn't know who I was, which was very hard as we'd always been very close. She's gone now and I still miss who she was.
Our Aunt, pretty much one of our few only relatives that's alive, is now 87 and has the same terrible disease. I do think it started well before any of us ever realized it, and her Dr. agrees. He said people with very good memories (hers was great), can successfully hide things for quite a long time.
So, by the time things started really seeming wrong, she'd had alzheimers for some time. She's at the point where she cannot cook, walk well, remember things, do her own bills, checks, or deposits - and it took her a very long time to admit that.
I got her a cane that's got cute designs all over it and she loves it - it's more like a neat present than a cane. She told me that's the best thing anyone ever got her. If I'd gotten her a plain one, I doubt I'd have gotten that reaction at all. I doubt she'd have used it either.
She has trouble dressing, so we found the nighties that look almost like dresses, and we found nice patterns in colors she likes. She wears them all the time and is at the point where she's sure they are dresses and they really do look cute on her. The most important thing is that they fit her; she can just pull a clean one over her head (no buttons, snaps or things like that, they're just below the knee length), and they're comfortable.
I do her weekly cooking and baking and we bring it to her and spend a good part of the day with her. Each week brings new changes. They're not good and they're coming at us fast.
If any of you are going through this with a loved one, I can give you a few tips to help, I think. Or maybe you can give me some too.
When I first noticed that she was still telling me that she was paying her bills; I also saw that week after week they were sitting there on the table, I waited for her to "let" me help her - otherwise, she got very upset for my even suggesting it. We do them together now, so she's still a part of it and we treat it as if it's just something normal that's better with two people. She's all right with that.
I'm not taking over; I'm the helper and that's very different to her. The first time, I paid a few months service charges and just didn't say anything about them to her. I will not make her feel bad about this. I'd already called the companys from our apartment, so they knew what was going on and that it was being worked on -- everyone was great.
I write the checks out, subtract them and she signs them. So it's a joint thing. It's the same with her bank deposits, which are once a month. I add the checks, make out the slip, she signs the checks and Mark takes them to the bank and brings her back the receipt. We're all a part of it. She feels better about it that way, as she's still doing some of it. The day may and will come when that's no longer possible, but it's not here yet and anything we can do to make it easier on her, is a good thing.
She was going to the Dr. regularly. He prescribes medications for her to supposedly slow down the memory loss; though he's even admitted to me that they're probably not doing anything much. My cousin, who lives with her (her son), gives her the medicines to take, which she promptly forgets she's taken right after she takes them. She's also refusing to go to the Dr's anymore as she says she's not sick. Since Mark and I take her, (this is strange, but her son refuses to get involved in any of this anymore than he has to, more on that later...), we're not making her go. She's not sick. And he's still refilling her prescriptions. Besides, her walking's gotten bad enough that we rather doubt that she can get out to the car.
It's a long day for her. She pretty much lives in her den, which she keeps dark, other than the TV being on, for some noise - she says it helps and nobody's going to argue with that. She comes out to the kitchen only to grab something I've cooked, heat it in the microwave and take it back into the den with her. She only eats in the kitchen on the days we go over there, as there's more room to sit.
For anyone who's interested on learning about the symptoms to watch for and the stages of Alzheimers, this is the link to the National Institute on Aging.
http://www.nia.nih.gov/Alzheimers/AlzheimersInformation/Symptoms/
Part #2 to follow...
mn - 2008
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Comments: 26
Not you, never.
Jurpe,
I'm sorry to hear this -- my grandmother was also in a nursing home, after a long time with relatives trying to care for her. She wasn't in a locked ward, but I do think that they drugged her, as she never spoke one word to me (though by that time she no longer knew who I was, nor had she for quite some time), but still, it's no way to live.
Thank you for the comments.
Marilyn
Peace and blessings to you, Marilyn.
I went through this with my grandfather a couple of years ago. It is a horrible debilitating disease that completely changed the personality of this lovely gentle old man I had known all my life. About the only tip I could give, is not to place any credence in some of the things they may say in the latter stages of this disease. Other family members were shocked and at times very hurt by the things my Grandfather was saying before he passed on. We just need to understand that it is not their true selves, and like you do, all we can to make them happy and comfortable. I'm sorry you are going through this,it is a very hard thing to deal with,I wish you all the best,take care.
Darcey.
PS. I wrote a poem about this on Gather called , The Old Man.
Darcey.
Stay strong--everything you have going on in your life.
Make sure to take care of yourself too.
I was a CNA and worked with Alzheimer's residents in a nursing home--so sad in so many stages. I do have to commend you on the things you do to make your aunt feel like she is somebody. They will always remember who is good to them and who is not.
We had a CNA who was not right to be working with these residents, but we were short staffed and the nursing director thought it would be a good thing. Long story short--there was a resident who was a lady that stood 6 foot tall and she hit and bit hard!! This CNA was got good to her and was yelling at her to eat her food--she still could on her own special diet. The resident did not like her yelling. The CNA was taking trays out of the dinning area and this resident stuck out her foot--you had to be there. So the CNA went up to her and she asked her why did she do that--she could talk also. The resident clawed at her face.
That night, the nurse told me that the resident requested me to put her to bed. I was like right--but I was a good one and she knew it. So I went in to the resident's room and did her routine with her and put her to bed all by myself. I was so relieved that she went right to sleep.
So, every night, I was in charge of putting this resident to bed in the evening due to the fact her daughter was told how I put her Mom to bed. When her time came to leave this earth I was in the room with her daughter and I knew she was going home. There was so much peace you could see in her eyes. She Thanked me for being good to her and I will never forget her or her wonderful family.
Evenings are the hardest with the Alzheimer's. Usually, at 3 O'clock, they begin what is called "sun-downing". They can be a total different person. This usually last till early in the morning--if they do sleep. Once you get used to them you learn what is best. Also on this note, you may see different changes in them, around the time of the full moon every month. I know it is hard on the family, but there are many different support groups out there. I think it is very important to the patient they they feel as much as possible as still being a human being.
I work next door to a retirement village and a lot of them are our customers and lovely people. We have seen a few of them go this way and it certainly can't be easy for them or their families.
Thanks for sharing this well written article Marilyn
She sounds like she's becoming a recluse, I hope not. If so try some sitting exercises to get blood flowing. What will happen, will happen though, no matter what you or anyone else does. I know this sounds down and morbid, but Alzheimer Victims can be very interesting. I myself call them The Chosen Few, because they are the ones that do not worry over worldy things, like money, war, etc.
I found in fourteen years of caregiving, and then working with them. They gave me the most wisdom I had ever learned. I realized it isn't the worldly things that matter, it's LOVE that matters and only that. Most Alzheimer people will treat you with love if you don't 'tell' them what to do, which is what you are not doing by helping her with the bills/checks.
A weekly online newspaper you might want to subsribe to is: Weekly Alzheimer's Update. It has new news on research, and other ways to treat someone.
God bless you and everyone else who is helping anyone with AD.
Rose
The support is incredible and yes, in case you're wondering it does help. A LOT.
It seems that many of you have gone through this with a loved-relative already or have been in the care-giving field.
Rose, thank you for that piece of information; I will follow up on it.
Randee, keep posting those games that you post --- memory improves with what others may call mindless word games and yes, I DO play them.
Unfortunately, if there is a Power Of Attorney, it's her son who lives with her and we're looking at the next case that's been right in front of our faces for perhaps longer than we want to know. We realized this on Thanksgiving - more on that in the next article. Meanwhile, I'll be returning all of your so very kind comments as much as possible.
Again, thank you all so much.
Marilyn
May God bless.
Dana, our cousin was over last weekend and he didn't remember who our neighbor was. They know each other as we've played cards with her before and he kept saying "he" when addressing him, again -- no clue who SHE was. I understand.
Marilyn