Teaching Your Kids Manners

While I am not an etiquette expert, pediatricians do have a unique view of the changing mores and behavior patterns of children. What is striking to me is the number of children who have not been taught basic manners. We live in a hectic, fast-paced world, and manners have sometimes taken a back seat to achievement, carpools, cell phones, video games, and the juggling act that so many stressed out parents are trying to accomplish.

All of us are acutely aware of inconsiderate people who yell into their cell phones or let doors slam in our faces, and queue jumpers who cut the line. I see the same rudeness displayed by my young patients. For example, some kids come into the office playing handheld games. They never look up or say hello to me, and often take the games onto the exam table. Another thing I see a lot is a child interrupting when I am talking to his or her parent. Now, all kids do that. What strikes me is that instead of saying, “I am speaking with the doctor,” the parents often answer the child.

That said, most families do an excellent job of teaching respect and thoughtfulness to their children. I was struck recently when the mother of one of my patients was not happy with the farewell her three year old gave to me. “Look Dr. McEvoy in the eye,” she instructed. Still not happy with the response, she asked, “What color are Dr. McEvoy’s eyes?” In other words, she was telling her child to take greetings and farewells seriously. Her children, by the way, are not stilted robots, but delightful individuals who have fun and play like any other child.

During this holiday time, we can all talk to our children and grandchildren about our blessings. Being thankful and appreciative are important etiquette principles. Many parents make sure their children thank me after a visit. Especially this season, when so many parents are fretting over 401k’s dissolving and worrying about layoffs, it is a good time to take stock with your children about the bounties you do have, whether they be a loving extended family or a resiliency in the face of stress.

Though I do see some rude children, others have taught me some things about etiquette. For example, a beautiful hand-drawn painting or a gift of baked cookies from patients reminds me to be thankful for the many thoughtful people I interact with every day.

What do you do to teach your kids manners? Do you have any special holiday traditions that you use to instill thankfulness or another good quality?

Dr. Victoria McEvoy graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1975 and is currently an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at HMS. She is the Medical Director and Chief of Pediatrics at Mass General West Medical Group. She has practiced pediatrics for almost thirty years. She has been married to Earl for thirty six years and raised four children. She currently enjoys writing, traveling, reading, almost all sports, and spending time with her two grandsons.

Family Health Guide
To take advantage of the latest medical advances, and to deal with the often-confusing world of health care, you need information that is clear, accurate, easily understandable, and accessible. The Harvard Medical School Family Health Guide brings you the information you need to keep your and your family healthy and to cope with illness when it does strike. 170 faculty members of Harvard Medical School, physicians who care for patients every day, developed this comprehensive guide.

Do you have a baby? Connect with others with similar health concerns and issues. Click here to join the group.

This content is not intended to substitute for personalized medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from your healthcare provider. Read our full disclaimer.