by ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ
Member since:
April 26, 2007

Sharing a visit with my son

November 28, 2008 03:31 PM UTC (Updated: December 28, 2008 04:19 PM UTC)
views: 0 | 1 person recommends this | comments: 50

I recently visited my son at the cemetery about 500 miles away. The visit was much harder this time for some reason. Maybe it was because his "anniversary" date is only one week away. 

Even though I know he is forever in my heart, it was difficult, at best. This is another reminder of why it was a good idea to have him buried so far away. He would have wanted to be buried at the home where he grew up, so I know it was the right decision. I have to keep him in my heart, that's where he is forever. I know he is not where he once was, but is now wherever I am.

I could feel Dustin's presence, even more when
I touched the stone.

I wish all of you happy holidays. Treasure each moment.
I will be back soon to visit, post and comment.

Comments: 50

Netty B. Nov 28, 2008, 3:33pm UTC
Oh how sad for you. The worst thing in the world is to lose a child. We expect them to outlive US. Prayers for you...
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Nov 28, 2008, 3:33pm UTC
Thank you so much Netty.
.* Sandi * Nov 28, 2008, 3:35pm UTC
sending hugs
the pictures are emotional
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Nov 28, 2008, 3:37pm UTC
Sandi, On the bottom of the stone is written:

"All of my love goes with you Buddy, you are forever in my heart."
.* Sandi * Nov 28, 2008, 3:40pm UTC
that is so fitting
to put there, the stone is lovely and expressive
Thanks for sharing with us such a personal time in your life-I am glad you have "us" and I hope writing and sharing helps you with your healing.
t w. Nov 28, 2008, 3:46pm UTC
I am so sorry Carol, I cried as I read this, the thought of losing one of my babies is unbearable. You are in my prayers. HUGS
Svetlana Goryacheva Nov 28, 2008, 3:47pm UTC
Love and hugs to you, my dear friend... I sincerely admire your devotion and your courage.

Warmly from Moscow - S.
Nora D. Nov 28, 2008, 3:47pm UTC
Oh Carol, your article is so beautiful, and it brought tears to my eyes. The headstone is so very, very beautiful and soooo touching.........I think, however, that as difficult as the visit to the cemetery was for you, it is also good for working through your grief, as well and therapeutic. Thanks ever so much for sharing such a personal time.......God bless you!
Renda B. Nov 28, 2008, 3:50pm UTC
I agree with Nora. Hugs to you.
Leah Christensen Nov 28, 2008, 3:56pm UTC
Thanks so much for sharing this iwth all of us.
Kerrell Goolsby Nov 28, 2008, 4:10pm UTC
Well done. Consider him an angel!
~~ Sarina ~~ Nov 28, 2008, 4:13pm UTC
Carol my heart goes out to you. I really couldn't imagine losing a child. Big huggers are sent your way.
Tonia, who hugs trees G. Nov 28, 2008, 4:15pm UTC
Hugs. I know that he is with you.
Elaine S. Nov 28, 2008, 4:16pm UTC
Carol My heart feels for you
Prayers and Many Hugs I send you
Chris E. Nov 28, 2008, 4:31pm UTC
Thanks for sharing such a personal thing with us. I can only imagine how you must feel. I don't know how you do it Carol. If I lost one of my children I don't know that I could be as strong as you.
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Nov 28, 2008, 4:32pm UTC
Thank you ALL so much....so very much.

Kerrell, He is my angel, you are so right.
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Nov 28, 2008, 4:41pm UTC
Nora, I only write from my heart. You are all so very special.
dean t. Nov 28, 2008, 4:52pm UTC
Thank you.
Hugs from me to you~
Ruth Luce Nov 28, 2008, 9:32pm UTC
I can't think of anything more difficult for any mother, nor any better way to have gotten through the holiday than taking that trip and that time to be with him, though he's always with you, that symbolism means so much......
Kimberly Ripley Nov 28, 2008, 10:21pm UTC
I love what you've written about your son being with you always in your heart. The stone is beautiful. I'm so sorry for the pain you must still endure.
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Nov 28, 2008, 11:38pm UTC
Thank you all again for your continued support. You all mean more than you will ever know.
necee t. Nov 29, 2008, 12:36am UTC
oh dear Carol... what a beautiful memory to Dustin... yes, he is always with you...
i'm glad you had a safe trip... God bless always... love and hugs...
Isis A. Nov 29, 2008, 6:37am UTC
This is a beautiful article...touching and very moving. He is eternal and in the universe and with you always not only in your heart but in reality. I have had a near death experience and been to the other side... we do go on.

A change of state, consciousness and frequency but so near our own. Peace and blessings Carol for you and Dustin. Thank you for speaking of this. Love, Isis
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Nov 29, 2008, 1:18pm UTC
Isis, Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps.

Barbra, Thank you as always my friend.

I appreciate ALL of my Gather friends....more than you will ever know.
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Nov 29, 2008, 1:19pm UTC
Monica, Thanks for the hugs. :)
Nancy 67 Nov 29, 2008, 9:24pm UTC
Hello, Carol. I am without words to express how sorry I am at having lost your precious son. I just lost my Dad this past October and am going through the grieving process, but honestly, I cannot imagine what it must be like losing a child. I've been told there's nothing more difficult in this world. I do pray God's tender mercies and His great love to be felt and experienced by you, right down to the core of your being where it hurts the most. The Lord bless and keep you, Carol, in all that you do. ~ Nancy

Praying Angel
Linda B. Nov 29, 2008, 10:23pm UTC
Carol, may God bless you and hold you tightly to Him and let you know His unfailing love.
I cannot imagine what it is like to have lost your precious son; I almost lost mine a few years ago....my thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us.
JUDY M. Nov 30, 2008, 5:08pm UTC
Thank you for sharing this, Carol. I would like to share with you what I do on my son, Jason's birthday every year and it helps me. I buy several balloons and write a letter to him and attached it to the balloons, and I let them go to the heavens to celebrate his earthly birthday still. God Bless you Carol, and may God continue to surround you with a multitude of his angels to give you strenght to go though this life on earth until you see him again.
Jennifer aka Jenn B. Nov 30, 2008, 10:41pm UTC
I can not imagine the pain...I only know you are not at fault here...
Kevin E. Nov 30, 2008, 10:50pm UTC
My heart goes out to you. I have lost a brother at a young age and a niece at age 8 but I have never gone through what you have. As a father of 4 my greatest fears is to lose one of my children. You have experienced it. Please accept my deepest sympathy.
Janet B. Dec 1, 2008, 11:51am UTC
Hi Carol. Prayers going up as I write read this. It broke my heart & I can't imagin losing a child. It must be hard for him being so far away too. I lost my Mom in July of 07 but I am lucky she is only 10 minutes away. I go there often. I just made a video of my birthday trip out to the cemetary. Her birthday was the 24th & my dads was the 22nd.
You have many friends here should you need a ear ; )
Hugs!!!
Catherine B. Dec 4, 2008, 8:43pm UTC
HI Carol, I just read what you wrote on my page and then I read about Dustin. Needless to say, we have something tragic in common. Though time does heal the open wound the scars never go away...and that's a good thing. The last thing we want is to forget about our sons, or anyone that has departed. Speak his name, remember his life, (the good, the bad, the funny and the painfull) and know that he is with you, his spirit, his soul didnt die, it returned home. Though we see it as unfair, too soon, outrageous, I believe, with all of my heart that we go when our time has come. As humans we find it almost impossible to comprehend such a lost, but would you change the fact that you were given the gift of being his mom, even for such a short time, even if you knew that you would lose him? I know that the answer is no. Cherish your bittersweet memories, and whats more, cherish those that are still with you. We are here to learn. Dustin must have fulfilled his mission, whatever that was to him. To you I send a very special hug. Much love, Catherine
Catherine B. Dec 4, 2008, 8:54pm UTC
By the way, the boy in the photo with me is my son, Michael. He is my son Paul's identical twin. Paul is my son who passed 13 years ago.
Becky S. Dec 8, 2008, 4:29am UTC
Oh Carol, this was so emotional & moving. I can't imagine your pain. But this is helping you with or without you knowing it. Talking about him helps as does writing & remembering. Keep sharing his experience with others to get the word out there. You are an awesome mom, Carol. I just wish I could hold on to you forever in a big hug. May God continue to surround you in love & peace. I'll keep praying for ya. Much love, Becky :)
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Dec 17, 2008, 4:41pm UTC
Thank you ALL for sharing. I will comment more later. Wanted to check in and thank all of my friends for your wonderful support.
Truth Always Dec 17, 2008, 9:16pm UTC
I know that there is nothing that I can do to fill that void Carol.. My heart aches for you.... God Bless YOu...
Trudy P. Dec 18, 2008, 9:52am UTC
Bless you my dear friend. It's never easy to go through those anniversary dates. My thoughts are always with you. Thank you for sharing yourself with us!
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Dec 18, 2008, 1:58pm UTC
Thank you Vickey and Trudy.
necee t. Dec 21, 2008, 10:55pm UTC
hello dear Carol... just wanted to stop by and wish you a nice holiday ....
i love you and wish you all the best... God be with you always...


Merry Christmas Comments

Spicecomments.com - Merry Christmas Comments
Kim B. Mar 3, 2009, 7:20pm UTC
I understand. My Melissa's anniversary is coming up next month. It's hard to get to where we spread her ashes. I pray that somehow, someway I'll find a way to get there. It seems like I store up my grief for this visit.
I miss her so.
thanks for sharing, it helps to talk to someone who has suffered a loss of a child as I have.
ʚϊɞ Carol ʚϊɞ Mar 4, 2009, 11:10am UTC
You are most welcome Kim. You know she is in your heart, and even if you don't make it there, it's OK. But I do understand your feeling of wanting to be there. I started a memorial garden in my backyard for this very reason.

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