Dear Santa- A Santa Letter from a Frazzled Mom

***This is NOT an email forward, I wrote this myself for a contest at Judy's Book in 2006 (which I in turn won!)***

Dear Santa,

This year, I've tried very hard to be a good Mommy, but the kids do make it awful hard. While I know they will undoubtedly be on the Naughty List, I urge you to consider the effort I put behind them, and place me on the nice list. After all, they are able to make their own decisions, and I put out that fire they started with last year's toys. That should put me on the good list, right?

I plan to make you some food, too, and not just stingy old cookies. I mean, you plan to bring me lots of gifts, and cookies just seems like a bit less than I could really do. How do you feel about a baked Turkey? And I even promise, it's not Thanksgiving leftovers! I could even be persuaded to add in some potatoes and add a bit of the ol' JD to the hot cocoa. I figure going in and out of houses leaves you a bit chilly, so why add to it with cold milk, right?

All right, since I've written you, I thought that I might as well give you my list. I figure you will be able to triple the amount spent on me this year, as the kids have been on the naughty list, and I should, as their mother, get the amount you'd have spent on them. After the fire, flooding the basement, digging up the tulips, and jumping from the roof, I really could use some extra compensation, right?

So here's my list-

• A cruise to some place warm and sunny for 2. We'll just drop the kids off back at Juvie for the week (they only spend weekends with us now, after that incident with the lawn mower and the neighbor... oops, I didn't catch them in time, but don't worry, the neighbor's hair grew back in without issue), so a weekday trip would be best.

• A security system with camera's for inside AND outside the house, and something that will allow for recording what happens. After that time when the kids scaled down the walls on the tied sheets, and tee pee'd our house (you recall, I'm sure, because they used old wrapping paper and tissue paper- we're still scrubbing the dye from the outer walls where the sprinkler caused the dye to run), we'd like to know where they are at all times.

• A car with programmable locks, and preferably, fingerprint identification. We got into a lot of trouble when the kids went cruising down the road, and playing mailbox baseball a few months ago.

• A TV to replace the one the kid used as a club house. Did you see that yet? It was only last week- they broke the screen out, gutted the wires, and hung it in the tree- the neighbors tree.

• One last thing- my husband would really like a new wig for Christmas, as his hair never did grow back in after they doused it with Grandma's Easter Punch and lit him up like a candle during his nap.

Sincerely yours,

A frazzled Mom

***All above instances were made up for the letter, which I wrote for a contest last year. I won the contest with this letter!