I'm sure by now most everyone has heard the news of the 19 year old college student who took an overdose of pills and killed himself while people watched him online. When I read this it hit me hard because almost a year ago, I attempted to take my own life ... And I just thought I'd share my story.
It was a cold Winter Sunday like any other. I had been feeling down, but that was nothign out of the ordinary considering the time of year. But I guess I was in more of a funk than usual. I had been having a real hard time dealing with the fact that the Doctors told my Sister that she only had a few months to live if she didn't quit drinking. (She's only 32 and her liver is already shot.) I didn't think that she would be strong enough to quit, so I truly believed that I was going to lose her. And then later that night, came the straw that broke them camels back.
I had been dating someone for the past two years and as far as I knew everything was going great. And then out of them blue they call me up and tell me that cheated on me and just didn't want to be with me anymore. I cannot even begin to describe the feeling I felt ... But right then and there I made the decision that I was going to take my own life and end all the pain.
I tried my best to say my goodbyes without being too suspicious ... I went to each of my nieces and nephews rooms for a minute or so ... All were asleep but one. I then called my best friend and then my mother. I wrote out a short note, telling everyone that it was nobodys fault and then I calmy sat back and began taking 5 Flexeril Muscle Relaxers at a time until I took 40 or so. Then I went to my bed laid down and said my prayers.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the ICU. Turns out I had been in a Coma for 3 days and tottered between life and death. They were not able to pump my stomach because of the pill type, so it had just been a waiting game, The pills had caused me to have seizures, thus causing me to make awful noises, thus causing my one awake nephew to come in my room and find me.
I stayed in that hospital for a total of about 2 weeks. I have irrepairable heart damage caused from the high dosage ... I'm 20 years old and on Beta Blockers ... Without them, my pulse averages 160 ... Despite everything, I am so glad that my nephew walked in and saved me ... It took me a long time ... As I have dealt with depression my whole life ... But I've finally realized that not matter how bad it gets ... It will get better. And suicide is no way out ...
I am happier today than I have ever been in my life ... I'm so thankful that I have a second chance ...
I just hope that if anybody is out there thinking of taking their own life ... Rethink it.
If you know or suspect that someone is suicidal, get them help, it's better safe than sorry.