I'm sure by now most everyone has heard the news of the 19 year old college student who took an overdose of pills and killed himself while people watched him online. When I read this it hit me hard because almost a year ago, I attempted to take my own life ... And I just thought I'd share my story.
It was a cold Winter Sunday like any other. I had been feeling down, but that was nothign out of the ordinary considering the time of year. But I guess I was in more of a funk than usual. I had been having a real hard time dealing with the fact that the Doctors told my Sister that she only had a few months to live if she didn't quit drinking. (She's only 32 and her liver is already shot.) I didn't think that she would be strong enough to quit, so I truly believed that I was going to lose her. And then later that night, came the straw that broke them camels back.
I had been dating someone for the past two years and as far as I knew everything was going great. And then out of them blue they call me up and tell me that cheated on me and just didn't want to be with me anymore. I cannot even begin to describe the feeling I felt ... But right then and there I made the decision that I was going to take my own life and end all the pain.
I tried my best to say my goodbyes without being too suspicious ... I went to each of my nieces and nephews rooms for a minute or so ... All were asleep but one. I then called my best friend and then my mother. I wrote out a short note, telling everyone that it was nobodys fault and then I calmy sat back and began taking 5 Flexeril Muscle Relaxers at a time until I took 40 or so. Then I went to my bed laid down and said my prayers.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the ICU. Turns out I had been in a Coma for 3 days and tottered between life and death. They were not able to pump my stomach because of the pill type, so it had just been a waiting game, The pills had caused me to have seizures, thus causing me to make awful noises, thus causing my one awake nephew to come in my room and find me.
I stayed in that hospital for a total of about 2 weeks. I have irrepairable heart damage caused from the high dosage ... I'm 20 years old and on Beta Blockers ... Without them, my pulse averages 160 ... Despite everything, I am so glad that my nephew walked in and saved me ... It took me a long time ... As I have dealt with depression my whole life ... But I've finally realized that not matter how bad it gets ... It will get better. And suicide is no way out ...
I am happier today than I have ever been in my life ... I'm so thankful that I have a second chance ...
I just hope that if anybody is out there thinking of taking their own life ... Rethink it.
If you know or suspect that someone is suicidal, get them help, it's better safe than sorry.
recommend
Facebook
Twitter
bookmark 
print
Comments: 74
I know what you went through, I know, I was told, that the overdoses that I took should have ended my life.
Reading stories like yours I know what you went through, I am so very glad you survived, and are with us.
I think many of us can relate to the pain and depression.
Many times doctors don't realize that the side effect of medications can make a person worse, or cause reactions that look like another mental condition.
I'm glad that you made noises that woke your realatives, and to this day when I hear about things like the young man committing suicide on the net, it really upsets me that people don't take him seriously.
Mooch
Sandra, that's what I hope to do ... If I can make just one person rethink their decision to take their life ...
Bless you and hugs !
We need to stop so much drug pushing for depression an work on the educatuon. Yes the pills can help but teaching one how to cope with the condition does so much more in the long run.
hugs
I've been there many times and with good reasons yet, I've always been able to justify sticking around. I am glad you were given a second chance and can now serve as a conduit for conversation on this topic. So many people are hurting in one way or another, especially with the financial strife and the Holiday season approaching.
I hope we can have even more conversations on this subject in the days and weeks ahead.
I was on Gather one night many months ago when somebody was writing their farewell here on Gather. I am happy to say through my ability to conduct extensive research on the Internet I was able to track down who the individuals real identity was, inform both Gather.com and the local police to the situation and this persons life was spared.
Thanks again !
Thank you for sharing this.
I'm glad you are speaking up so more people will understand.
I was horrified to read that news story.
One of my daughters has lost two schoolmates to suicide...and she is only 19.
She struggles with depression, but losing her first friend made her determined to survive.
While I know that I don't know how it feels, I am confident thate there is help for everyone. Finding the answer is just the hard thing.
Actually, it was another gather member who brought him to my attention because of having a conversation regarding suicide previously. They thought maybe I could talk to him and get him to change course. Unfortunately by the time I joined the conversation I could tell he had gone too far already so I decided I needed to locate him in real life and prevent him from completing his suicide.
Fortunately, anyone who has been on the Internet for any length of time has left a trail and I simply followed it.
I have a close family member who attempted suicide on a number of occasions and thank God he finally came to the same realization you did...that it's not an option.
God bless you...and Richard, God bless you too!
Depression is a ver evil illness, that you have to never quit fighting.
So to the good Fight, and may we all see another day.
It is very good your nephew heard you and responded.
Katie, it's good to know that you feel differently now. Sometimes life feels like it is more than we can bear, but then something will change for the better.
I have attempted many times and I finally realized that I was either invincible or I must be meant to stay here and work things out. I know that sounds kind of glib, but humor is how I cope. I am glad that you failed, but so sorry that it has left you with such permanent health scars.
I know that it is so hard to open up and I applaud your courage. I take talk of suicide very seriously. Even when I don't think that a person is really serious, I know that there are some major things going on when they kid about it. For so many, it doesn't take long for kidding about it to turn into actually planning it and then doing it.
I had to go back on meds a couple of months ago because even though everything was going pretty well on the outside, my head was not so great. I was obsessing about suicide again and thankfully, I screamed for help.
Can I ask? What happened with your sister?
Thanks for sharing your experience with us and I wish you a wonderful Life
I'm glad you spared your family having to deal with that kind of grief.
Not how I had hoped she would do, but it's better than nothing.
Myspace Comments @ Comments101.com
I was appalled when I learned about the young man who killed himself while others videotaped him and put the video on the internet. It makes me sick at heart , not just that he had no other hope to cling to, but that the people who taped him could just stand there and watch and then put the video on the internet. There are some cold, insensitive and disgusting people in this world.
Richard, I am so thrilled to hear you were able to help that person on Gather. I have read many articles here about people thinking of suicide and apart from posting back to them, I have not known the steps to take like you did to be able to help them. Thank you.
Hugs to you Katie.
My youngest daughter was in a horrible accident when she was 16 and almost died, but God spared her. I believe there is a purpose for it all, and one day it will be clear . But right now, this minute I am sitting her thinking of YOU Katie, and thanking God for sparing your life to give you a 2nd chance to realize you have much to live for.
It always does . Suicide ruins lives. It hurts parents, children, friends. There is no good to come from it. Glad you are alive to tell your story.
And I hope you help others by sharing it.
OK now that you got me all teary eyed!
Have a blessed day :)
I'm sitting here in tears Katie and I don't even really know you.
Some tears are for what you went through. some are for the joy and relief of hearing that you are happy now.Hugs for the nephew!
Amazing what others go through.
And sometimes wea re so consumed with what we are going through that we can't see what is going on around us.
It is a sad thing that you have caused yourself so much damage but a wonderful thing that you have another chance.
I will be praying for you.
What it all boils down to is, without me around there are four other people that wouldn't be around either. My mother would have no one, grandma would die from not having that extra help eating, and my children would wither away because not only do they have eating disorders (and they're only 8 and 4), but they are tremendous mommy's girls.
I can say life isn't easy and it is down right bad sometimes, but it only gets worse before it gets better. We only get one life and we must make the most out of it while we're here. You're still young, you have a whole life ahead of you to get married, have children, and graduate college. Thank God they found you before it was too late.
I'm so glad you not only learned how much to love life now but understand that sometimes we do have times in life when it's not easy. You're right, suicide isn't a way out it's not only a horrible thing to do to those you love but is a final end to something that I guarantee an be eventually handled and made into something positive if you let others help.
Kudos to you for this article.
And I'm so happy you're with us to share it!
(((((HUGS)))))
Just commenting you back, thanking you for a comment you made on one of my articles or pics! I always pay back the comments (even if it's a bit late!)
i'm sad for the 19 year old...how very tragic... God bless us everyone...
Hang in there and remember there are so many people who love and care for you!
I am for assisted suicide and feel if anyone truly wanted to die they would.
You have another outlook on life due to your failed suicide, been there myself.
I would try and talk anyone stranger or family out of it, but bottom line is who am I to take there freedom away or take away the feeling of a "second chance" like you are feeling now?
Many people are on the suicide route, domestic violence, adrenalin junkies, alcoholic and other drug addicts, a popular one these days is suicide by cop (this is they do something to make a cop kill them). How can we say one way of committing suicide is any worse then the other?
Freedom is not always pretty.
I am glad you are here to tell your story! ;0)