by Julia Schrenkler
Member since:
August 31, 2005

Open discussion: Is infidelity on the rise? Why or why not?

November 19, 2008 10:47 AM EST (Updated: November 19, 2008 10:56 AM EST)
views: 426 | rating: 10/10 (3 votes) | comments: 26

According to Midmorning's program description a few studies "indicate that infidelity is on the rise, particularly among older men and younger women."  I wonder if it is, or if our culture is more open to talking about it.

For discussion: Is infidelity on the rise? Why or why not? Do you believe infidelity only affects the relationship in the situation, or does it affect a community? Is it really changing to include "emotional" infidelity?


From Minnesota Public Radio's Midmorning program November 19, 2008: [ Airing at 11a ET | 10a CT     LISTEN LIVE ]

Infidelity on the rise

A handful of new studies indicate that infidelity is on the rise, particularly among older men and younger women. Some say the nature of infidelity is changing, with the emphasis being less on sex and more on intimacy.

Guests
Virginia Rutter: Assistant professor of sociology at Framingham State University in Worcester, Mass. She is co-author of "the Gender of Sexuality."
Frank Pittman: Psychiatrist and practicing family therapist in Atlanta. He writes the "Ask Dr. Frank" column for Psychology Today, and is author of several books, including "Private Lies: Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy."

This is an open discussion - Gather post / image / video links are welcome. Your related articles or comments may be quoted as part of http://www.mpr.org/your_voice

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Julia Schrenkler
Interactive Producer
Minnesota Public Radio
American Public Media
Objects in Mirror

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Comments: 26

Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:10am EST
On air they're discussing affairs as they relate to age groups...
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:13am EST
Host Kerri Miller asking about the increase in women having affairs....
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:13am EST
Guest Frank Pittman is talking about women having affairs online - creating relationships of intimacy via email.
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:16am EST
Both guests are talking about increased opportunities for women to have affairs, but both agree that more men have affairs.
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:19am EST
Pittman just talked about the frequency of women's online messaging/emailing with the affair.

For online discussion: Would you consider 20 emails a day ... excessive?
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:20am EST
Kerri opens a question to the audience: [heavily compressed here] Do you sense that attitudes about infidelity are changing in your community?
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:22am EST
Caller Josie shares the comment that she's been accused of being judgemental when her friends admit to extra-marital affairs.
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:33am EST
Caller Jared brings up social networking, wondering if it puts people in a position of possibility. Guest Virginia Rutter cautions against considering the Internet as a den of iniquity....
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:43am EST
Different angle: Do people prefer to *appear* faithful rather than *be* faithful?
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:50am EST
Caller Scott talking about the Internet, he proposes that there are younger men looking for older women for fun only... described its as a dangerous place where people can be sucked into their fantasy world.
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 11:54am EST
Talking now about how relationships stop "dating" after awhile - beyond the fun activities, people reveal more about themselves during dates.
Rico V. Nov 19, 2008, 11:59am EST
Yes, infidelity now more than ever includes emotionally intimacy in this culture.
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 12:00pm EST
Looking for quotable answers to the following questions: Is infidelity on the rise? Why or why not? Do you believe infidelity only affects the relationship in the situation, or does it affect a community? Is it really changing to include "emotional" infidelity?


The show is now over, but know I will post an update when the archived audio is available.
Julia Schrenkler Nov 19, 2008, 12:08pm EST
Rico, the theme of emotional intimacy came up during the radio program. It made me wonder if people can be emotionally intimate with more than one person - or if an intense level / depth of the intimacy / attention / focus is the issue.

It also made me wonder about the other "affairs" in our lives. What about people who refer to their job / hobby / whathaveyou as the other man/other woman?
Rico V. Nov 19, 2008, 12:21pm EST
Ah, Julia, yes, I do believe that people can be emotionally intimate with more than one person. This happens in families, in groups of close friends, with the polyamorous...
Rico V. Nov 19, 2008, 12:25pm EST
Julia: About the "affairs" in our lives, I thought about "football widows" and others -- I've met women whose ex-husbands were addicted to golf or tennis, and the wives felt very much cheated through these "affairs" of their husbands.
Eliza Hartley Jul 28, 2009, 10:38am EDT
This is a really interesting point, Rico. We're talking infidelity again, here, at MPR, only this time with an author who's written a memoir inspired by only learning after her husband's death about his numerous mistresses. But it sounds like your saying sometimes people don't have affairs with other actual people, but rather other concepts. Interesting point! If you'd like to and you have time, please join the other conversation! I'm sure you would add a lot and balance it out! Thanks so much.
Kerry Dexter Nov 19, 2008, 4:39pm EST
seems to me that talking about affairs is talking around the central issue, which is shared committment and trust.
Diana Raabe Nov 19, 2008, 9:43pm EST
I will have to listen to this when the recount is over. In the meantime, let me just say: I hope not.
Connie C. Nov 19, 2008, 10:05pm EST
This is very interesting. Like Diana, I sure hope not.
linda g. Nov 19, 2008, 11:54pm EST
Connie and Diana - what do you "hope not" not clear....
Karen G. Nov 20, 2008, 8:56am EST
I think the internet makes it easier than ever for these situations to crop up.
That Guy Nov 20, 2008, 1:13pm EST
Clearly, anyone using and surfing the internet, Craigslist, and myriad other sources knows that the type of cyber infidelity is way way up. Just look at a daily list of posts that occurs everyday all day looking for cyber contact, real contact, and NSA sex...its every where.

I would be interested in peoples comments about those individuals that "appear" to have solid relationships with spouses, and yet they seek intimacy and group encounters...threesomes and couples, etc. Is this a marriage infidelity, or just an opoen marriage?
Greg Schiller Nov 20, 2008, 7:31pm EST
I like the comedian Chris Rock's take on fidelity - "A man is basically as faithful as his options"

After we are done snickering, we got to think a little deeper about what defines an option. In the old days, when people believed that there was a man in the sky with a long white beard and a hand on the lever to hell - options were strictly limited.

In a secular age, they are not,

In an age of anonymity, options are even less restricted.

By the way, what's with the spin on gender? For every straight guy to cheat, it takes one or more females.
Eliza Hartley Jul 28, 2009, 10:43am EDT
Interesting comments, Greg. I like the continuum of increase in "options" you seem to give in the different eras. We just never stop talking about infidelity down here at MPR, though, it seems. Today, Kerri's talking to a woman who only found out after her husband died that he'd been unfaithful, and she wrote a memoir about it. I'd love your input into that discussion, and your response to the question of how one can trust their loved ones. And infidelity. Anyway, if you'd like to and you have time, please join that conversation! Thanks so much>
Rico V. Nov 25, 2008, 1:47am EST
Diana, Connie: What do you mean by "I hope not?" Are you referring to Julia's question of whether people can be EMOTIONALLY intimate with more than one person?

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