How do I get my Kids to Listen to Me?

It can be very frustrating when kids appear to ignore a parent when they are asked to do something, or some aspect of bad child behavior is addressed. Many parents find that children tune them out when  they give them instructions. In fact, it is easy for parents to take this personally. The problem is not necessarily defiance or disobedience, even though it appaers that way. This post explores this problem and gives some parenting strategies that will increase your child's ability to hear you and understand.

One of the problems is different communication styles and abilities. Children have a very small attention span and parents tend to have a tendency to talk too much and to lecture you. Put these two facts together and you have a clear understanding of why children do not listen.


Speak to them face to face. Get down to the level of the child. It's a lot harder to ignore somebody who is right in your face.If you have something important to communicate is important to get down to the level of the child this might mean that you need to bend down or alternatively pick them up.

Change the way you talk to your child. Most parents used to many words and the child loses focus. Decide what you want to say ahead of time and then say it in simple words. After giving the instructions simply keep quiet.

Keep instructions short and sweet. First of all encourage the child to look you straight in the eye. By using eye contact you know that you have the child's attention at that moment. Then give the instruction is simply as possible using as few words as possible. For example "Jane, I need you to put your toys away now."

Asked the child to repeat to you the instruction tell me what I said to you in after the child has repeated it just carry on what you were doing and let the child do what you ask them to do.

It is important for this interaction that you keep calm and clear. There is no need to threaten or yell or check the clear and calm and concise.

Think about the way you generally communicate with the child. You certainly don't go to these extreme lengths when you say good morning or are you hungry. It is important that communication also fun. Don't have every communication with your child as action focused or serious. Keep this kind of interaction for when it really matters or when you know that they're not paying attention.