I Am So Hurt, Angry and Frustrated!

   Today was supposed to be a wonderful day.  It in fact WAS a wonderful day until around 4 o'clock.  But my sister-in-law thinks I keep a filthy house and apparently my mother-in-law agrees with her.  They have got my dander up and if I had a punching bag right now I think I would knock the stuffing right out of it!

   We were celebrating my daughter and husband's birthdays, and having a marvelous time.  My sister-in-law wanted to come over to watch a movie with us, and while she has said and done rather mean and spiteful things in the past, she is my husband's sister and I try to get along as best I can.  I am not the argumentative type.  But I will stand up for myself when the need arises.  Sadly, the need arose . . . .

   I had a conversation with my mother-in-law just last week in which I mentioned I'd like to purchase something new for the boys' room sometime in the future, once they learn to clean up their room better.  This has been a real issue with the boys lately.  I put it to the boys as a motivational challenge, that if they can keep things nicer, take out their smelly trash and stinky clothes to the laundry, I would replace their mattresses and box springs, which they've had since they were littler and are showing some wear.  (These too retain some odor.)  My boys also have night-time bladder issues (both have developmental delays) and I feel it would be wasteful to invest in new mattresses when they both wet the bed on a nightly basis and require Good Nites pants.  My oldest had even been hospitalized over his bowel disorder just this past summer.

   Well, my mil went on and jumped down my throat about how kids this age need to be taught responsibility, that they are old enough now to be held accountable for their actions, yada yada yada.  I tried to talk with her, but every sentence out of my mouth got a sharp rebuttal and criticism.  We do give consequences -- this whole idea was to give them a reward for their positive actions, because they are very used to losing TV and video games and getting to play with neighborhood friends when they do NOT keep up their room.  I said my goodbyes, took the baby and left calmly with a smile on my face because I didn't want to start an argument.

   But we all went out today for a nice lunch, and things were going well.  I do not hold grudges nor do I want a bad relationship with my sis-in-law or mil!  But then we are watching a movie back at our house with my sis-in-law.  My mil decided to head home after lunch.  We are enjoying the film, and my daughter is enjoying it, as it was one of her bday gifts from us.  My sis-in-law has been fussing with the baby, and wandering the house as if she lives here too.  A little weird but she's family so I let it go -- I don't sweat the small stuff.  But then she puts the baby down and tells hubby she needs to talk to him.  "Let's go outside," she says -- in the middle of the movie and in front of the kids.  She clearly meant I was not invited to the conversation!  The kids looked around trying to figure out what was going on.  They knew this was odd because my hubby and I tell each other everything.  My hubby did not get up from the couch and just looked at my sis-in-law to go on with what she had to say.  I was furious though and went to our room to calm myself down.  A few deep breaths and a splash of cool water on my face and I'd be ok.

   I went back out and she is telling him to just act grateful and say thank you.  She has this way of bossing him (he's her little brother) and gets this tone in her voice -- it's not pleasant.  She saw me and didn't say anything else.  I asked what was up and hubby told me Mom was going to buy the boys new mattresses!  Well, that irked me more and so I went back to the room to take some more deep breaths.  This took a minute or two longer.  Then I figured, no problem, I'll call her and restate my position about motivating the boys' behavior, and treating it like a reward and waiting til the right time/bladder control, etc.  Then the doorbell rings . . . .

   There is my mil grinning ear to ear and bearing two spanking new mattresses!  Keep in mind this is my daughter's birthday . . . .  She completely ignored me and what I wanted to be happening in my home and spent over $500!  I was back in the room again in a blink.  I told hubby she better be able to return them because they were not wanted right now.  (He had no idea up to this point of last week's lovely conversation between herself and me.)  I told him what had happened and that I did not care to see her right now because I didn't trust myself not to say something I'd regret later.  So she left with the mattresses and my sis-in-law left shortly thereafter.  And this happened in front of the kids, which really gets me even more.

   This is an ongoing thing, where they make remarks about my housekeeping and disciplining of the children.  And try to come into our home and make "improvements" to cover my "insufficiencies".  I am so fed up.  I had just begun to let go of keeping my guard up around my sis-in-law from the wretched things she said to my husband and myself when my father-in-law died in September.  She was perfectly evil to us and basically let me know I was not considered a member of the family as far as she was concerned.  My father-in-law was awesome, a second dad to me -- he told me time and again how I wasn't his daughter-in-law, but in fact his second daughter.  This is not my mil's fault in any way but now my sis-in-law is always there, whispering ideas into my mil's ear . . . .  It's just the way she is.

   It hurts -- I bust my butt for my family.  I am always either at work, or home cleaning or running errands or spending quality time with the kids.  My life is full and my schedule is fit to bursting with my to-do list and all the zillion things I do in a day, including enforcing house rules with the kids and trying to keep things going as smoothly as possible.  My house is not immaculate, but it is not a filthy sty either!  I am not bragging when I say I am the best mom I can be, and that keeping my home nice is important to me.  Too much drama for me.  My guard is right back up, with both of them now.  I don't like things to be that way but I do not want to be hurt like this ever, ever again either!  I deserve better than that.  There -- it's out and I am going on about my evening and enjoying my lovely daughter on her birthday.  Thank you for letting me get this out of my system.