We Had Plans
We had plans,
but they changed. Now,
my brother's finger in his collar
can never make the new tie feel right. Now,
the wrinkles on my hasty skirt won't vanish
no matter how hard I press with pallid palms. Now,
the empty spot near Papa's swollen hanky
is fixed with angelic light from the church window. Now,
Papa swears he'll never never drive again. He's
thrown the keys into the garbage. Now,
now, we wait through songs and prayers, and
wait to see what our new plans will be.
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Comments: 27
I do agree with Aaron..I had questions also...but it became very clear after you pointed "empty spot near Papa" I actually pondered that line
The flaming deck*:
...the empty spot near Papa, his swollen hanky
fixed with angelic light from the church window.
Lovely...the mild confusion stirs the thoughts a bit and may be best left alone...
This is beautifully subtle.
In some ways this seems to be written by the deceased (pallid palms), but I don't think that is what you intended. If you want to imply that the mother died, I'd make the narrator's identity clearer.
I love the tactility you’ve penned with regard to the fidgeting of a collar, the repetitive pressing of a skirt and the swollen hanky. It paints a great accuracy of our behavior under these circumstances.
"the empty spot near Papa's swollen hanky"... lovely line! Reminiscent of a token to her [mother]. Your form was charming. Very ingenious how you used the verb tense. Starting out with “had”, bringing things into the “Now”, and then shifting to the future tense in the last line. I loved reading this!!! Brilliant how you’ve created such stirring emotion with such brevity. Bravo, David!
This is one of my favorites of yours David.
This is a wonderful addition to our group The Best Original Photos, Art and Writing for 2008 click here
I really loved this. Truly, one of your best writes. The amount of emotion you've penned is stunning. This will be one to revisit... often!
I love the clarity of what you said is simply wonderful
and vital in expressing the exact emotion worded
well with precision to verse and sigh !!!