Obama Hoop Stats Improve Dramatically With Secret Service Protection

CHICAGO.  As he makes the transition from candidate to the White House, President-elect Barack Obama is finding that his life has changed dramatically, mostly for the better.

"Take this sucker out!"

"I'm getting a lot more open shots, and I'm hitting them," Obama told reporters at a post-game press conference at the University of Chicago's Stagg Fieldhouse after his weekly pick-up basketball game.  "I can't quite put my finger on it, but all of a sudden I'm in a zone."

As president-elect, Obama is entitled to full-time protection by the United States Secret Service, a benefit that translates into bone-crunching picks when he rotates to the top of the key for his patented left-handed jump shot.  "No one is allowed to come within ten feet of POTUS," says veteran agent Phil Dubuque.  "If they do, we have orders to shoot on sight, which tends to discourage guys from busting through the screen."

"Let's run the Kentucky 1 option to the right."

In the past Obama has played shooting guard, or "2" man in the parlance of the hardwood, and depended on his outside shot, but recently he has begun to penetrate the lane and score, seemingly at will.  "There's a decoy presidential limousine on the court at all times," says Secret Service Director Arnold Banks.  "It tends to clear out the floor for a one-on-one isolation, then when we frisk the defender it turns into a one-on-none."

"All fouls on the President are flagrant, you idiot!"

Most importantly, from his teammates' standpoint, is that Obama is getting to the foul line, where he takes advantage of the tradition of the "Presidential Mulligan" established by the last Democrat to occupy the White House, Bill Clinton.  "In college you've got the 1-and-1," says Ken Sturgis, a long-time participant in the weekly ritual.  "With Barack, it's more like 1-and-3."