The Danger of Unconditional Love

As Christians, we are taught to love unconditionally. We are taught to give for the sake of giving, with no expectation of anything in return. We are taught to give until it hurts. We are taught to forgive as Jesus did.

But when does this kind of loving become dangerous? Or does it?

In a perfect world, unconditional love works wonderfully, but we do not live in a perfect world.

People are scarred from sexual abuse they suffered as children. They grow up attracting abusers. What happens when they love unconditionally and give with no expectations? They suffer further abuse. Sometimes they become abusers themselves, taking advantage of those weaker who are willing to love unconditionally.

What happens to people who stay in miserable relationships, giving to the point of losing themselves, and never getting anything back? Soon these people are depleted to the point they lose all sense of self. As a result, they have nothing left to give.

Does Jesus really want us to live this way on earth in the hopes of our eternal reward in Heaven?

Some Christians would say this is what Jesus wants. Just as He gave His life for us, we are to also live sacrificial lives.

I believe Jesus wants more for us. I believe Jesus wants us to be wise and discerning in our relationships with others. And I believe He wants us to love ourselves first,because until we do, we cannot really love anyone else in a healthy manner...nor can they love us in a healthy manner.

I know women who have lived for years in abusive marriages, thinking this is what their Christian walk would have them to do. They believe it is their job to put up with emotional, verbal and/or physical abuse as a means of loving their husbands in the hope that her devotion will bring him to Christ. I beg to differ. I believe anyone who lives in constant fear cannot fully serve God or her fellow man. Only when she steps out of the situation that brings such fear can she begin healing so that she can be the person that God intended for her to be.


This does not mean that she has to stop praying for her abuser. Nor does it mean that she should not forgive her abuser. Forgiveness is more for the victim's sake than for the abuser's sake. However, in forgiving, it is important to remember that forgiveness does not mean you have to continue in the relationship with the person. It is perfectly fine to forgive and then to move on in a positive direction without the person in your life.

Unconditional love has its place. God gave us hearts to express this kind of love. But we must remember that he also gave us a brain, and He expects us to use it to become wise and discerning in matters of the heart.