What a Month.....Gotta Rant!

I'm having a really tough time.  I am married, 3 kids, own a 3 family house with my brother and my parents.  I'm the "go between" for my brother and my parents.  He's used to living alone, I always lived with my mom and dad, by choice.  I love them, my hubby loves them, and it always worked for us.

5 years ago we bought this house so we could all be together.  Things have gone down hill from there.  My mother had a stroke since then, but recovered nicely.  She also had quadruple bypass and is a diabetic.  But she has come through like a trooper.  A pain in the butt, but a trooper.

Dad has alzheimers.  I hate this disease.  It is the worst.  He has been in and out of the hospital since we moved in.  The latest was in May for blood infection (sepsis).  Caused by his bladder stones, which he was not a candidate to have removed.  Well, they removed them in May.  He hasn't healed since.  His incision is still an open wound, he is on a cathetar for the rest of his life, he no longer can walk, and we have to confine him to a nursing home.  My mom, god bless her, is not capable of doing paperwork, or following through, so the Medicare process has all been on me.  I have power of attorney, something I never wanted, I guess because I felt that my parents would always be there.  So for the past month and a half, I have been dealing with Medicare, which is not pleasant.  You have to document every 1,000 spent out of their accounts, which is no easy feat when  your mom does not save receipts NOR bank statements.  My mom also does not drive, so I am her primary source of transportation, along with transporting 3 kids to after school activities, working and running a business with my husband.

I am finally through with the Medicaid papers,, just waiting, with crossed fingers, for approval.

Bottom line....I am losing it!  I feel like I am in a vortex and there is no way out.  I miss my father terribly, I am so used to seeing him every day, him helping me sort socks, or just hanging in the yard with my kids. My mom is relying on me more and more and the pressure is mounting.  I need to visit nursing homes for permanent placment, and just can't seem to do it.

I keep telling myself to breathe deep!  I can do this.  But I can't.  I find myself sinking deeper and deeper, and everyone is depending on me more and more.....