What's Your Most Harrowing Halloween Fright?

(This was written on October 19, 2008. Events from a number of years have been time-compressed for your convenience. EVP*=Electronic Voice Phenomena).

     Once the verdant greens of tree leaves dive their inevitable descent into autumn's ochre rainbow, a hint of magic sparks the air. And a satisfying chill rings up and down your spine. Soon, those withered witches and bashful black cats will be crossing our paths -- opening up hidden cauldrons for ghostly kids to fall into, and leaping out at us from phantom shadows.
     Since my birthday is just a week and a day before Halloween, that happy convergence basically blazons my life with an intense love for all things (tastefully) horrific. And it has certainly brought out our creativity, over the years.
     One particular teenage year, my brother Ross and I decided to get especially hellacious. So he tied a green plastic glow stick to the back of his Subaru minicompact bumper, and we rode around Fulton -- blasting out Pink Floyd's delightfully-deranged "Several Species.." from his tape player!
     Unfortunately, before too long we were stopped by a police officer. So Ross played it amazingly cool -- inventing a story that some jokester must have tied on the device while we were attending the Mardi Gras parade in Clinton.
     To accentuate the story, Ross even pretended that the light stick was hot, feigning his ignorance to the cop! We even got to keep it, getting released with a mild verbal warning!!
     After that happy conclusion, perhaps we got too cocky. Ross decided to enlist Dad's massive puke-green Chevy Belair for our next adventure. But we weren't content to just roll a few jack-o'-lanterns down the hill by the city park. We had to "pump a pumpkin" in the back of somebody's parked truck. And that's when the mayhem really began!
     Suddenly there was some kind of Pontiac sports coupe behind us, seemingly in hot pursuit. We recognized the chaser as a Sikkema kid, not a close friend and decidedly on the hoody side. So Ross really gunned the gas, flying through the ghastly gauntlet of "Litttle Oke," a southern suburb of Fulton famed for its fireworks.
     Escaping through the mini-city to the field-side zone (where the houses ran out), we swerved from ditch to ditch with the massive gas-guzzler. And yes, we did ditch our pursuer! But then we decided next time we'd stick with the Subaru.
     So what do you do for an encore? How about chilling out at the movies (in Clinton), with the first showing of John Carpenter's legendary 'Halloween'?! It was especially chilling, because at least part of it was set in Illinois. Was this Michael Myers an actual person? And with that paper-white mask of evil on, it put you in the show. What a delightful fright!
     Returning home, we noticed that the back door was mysteriously open, and Mom was missing. Our hearts / pulses raced, but then we noticed a keychain hanging from the slot. It seems our restless mother had gone across the street to visit Grandpa Norman. Mystery solved!
     I guess events like that, are a kind of comeuppance for the inspired devilry we had previously inflicted -- and brought us back to reality. But our antics remained nearly unabated.
     Whether it was throwing those "Fun Snaps" poppers at a parade, or "Trick Traps" in a handy bathroom door, there was always new territory to explore.
     The big stuffed fake man was originally Mom's creation, to place on a lawn chair to watch trick-or-treaters visit. No, we never did try setting Dad out there to scare kids, but we did have a few more tricks up our jester sleeves!
     "Mr. Stuffy" fit expertly in Mom's bed -- very fitting, since she was the one who had "animated" him. But the best application was as a "hangabout" from the electric garage door -- complete with a generous handful of "Fun Snaps" to illuminate the scene for our parents' arrival!
     But wait -- there's more! Once old Stuffy got to relive his childhood by riding on a downsized baby carriage. That carriage we had turned into a kind of pushable dune buggy. Then we pulled the phantom traveler across 16th Avenue.
     Sadly, it was a bad choice of road, because it had little traffic. Maybe we were just apprehensive about the whole possibility -- what would we do if Stuffy actually got hit by a car?!
     With neighbor kids in tow, we also delighted in dousing the "dog alleys" with those ever-useful Fun Snaps. Sometimes the bolder among us even did a little "hit and run" -- knocking on the doors of the unsuspecting, then running away. Fortunately none of those dogs (or people) managed to catch us -- maybe because we meticulously mapped our routes?
     I guess that was one of the big secrets for our success -- I always wrote down the best tactics or techniques to perfect them, on a broad range of phantasmagorical subjects, and those notebooks remain safe in my archives.
     These days there are plenty of imminently-scary happenings to occupy our time -- from depressing debt and baffling bailouts, to "blowback" terrorism and planned pandemics. But these are just the circumstances that inspire us to plan our truly-creative escapes. The yards are already getting mighty haunted out there!
     And if you get stumped or stymied in this "season of the witch," why not enlist your relatives? Video / audiotape some of their favorite ghost stories or scary happenings from the past. Or if you're really brave, take your equipment to the local cemetery, and try asking those spirits.
     You may even get an unexpected (EVP*) reply!