I just watched Religulous tonight Â— Bill MaherÂ’s cinematic slap-in-the-face to every religion on earth Â— and I must say, IÂ’m inspired.Â I have passion.Â I am fully devout.Â Never before have I been so firm in my undying belief that all undying beliefs are stupid.
So, IÂ’m starting a contest.Â Starting right here, right now, IÂ’m announcing that anyone who can convince me that there is a god out there who genuinely cares about my life will earn $666 of my hard-worked money.
Now, I know what youÂ’re thinking.Â Â“But, Bill,Â” Â— letÂ’s assume my name is Bill Â— Â“YouÂ’re obviously steadfast in your belief that there is no God.Â ThereÂ’s no point in arguing with damned.Â”Â Look, Christian Â— IÂ’ll assume your name is Christian Â— one of the basic tenets of all Judeo-Christian religions is that the word (or works) of God speak for themselves, that just by pointing out GodÂ’s omnipresent love, any godless, baby-killing sodomite can be saved.Â I could be wrong.Â Tell me if IÂ’m wrong.
More importantly, tell me that thereÂ’s a place for religion in me.Â Any religion, I donÂ’t care.Â Islam, Buddhism, Shinto, Scientology.Â IÂ’d recommend staying away from Judaism; I forcibily studied Judiasm for about two decades and can only recognize myself as being culturally Jewish (i.e., I get to make the jokes ).
Now, I know what youÂ’re thinking.Â Â“But, Jared,Â”Â Â— I want to be Jared now Â— Â“How can we trust that youÂ’ll actually hand over $666?Â CouldnÂ’t you just lie to us?Â”Â I could.Â But that wouldnÂ’t be very Christian of me.Â Or Muslim, or whatever.Â But if I actually had a force in my life that directed me and instilled confidence in me, that . . . well, that would priceless.
Start your timers now because this contest ends one week from now on Thurday, October 23rd, 2008 at 2:51 AM (Pacific Time).Â Leave a comment here with your best pitch or e-mail me through the link on the right side of the page.