by Sarah (I want points)
Member since:
January 12, 2007

Empty and Alone - Week 34 - 100 word stories - Challenge

October 14, 2008 10:45 AM EDT (Updated: October 14, 2008 10:45 AM EDT)
views: 108 | comments: 55

This week, I decided to do something Haiku based.  I hope you enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My heart is empty
Though my stomach may be full
Empty and alone

My parents are gone
I'm left to fend for myself
Empty and alone

I beg for my food
But I think there must be more
Empty and alone

My world is so small
Just a couple of streets really
Empty and alone

I have hopes and dreams
They are what keep me alive
Empty and alone

Dreams of love and care
Dreams of soon going somewhere
Empty and alone

My heart is empty
Though my stomach may be full
Empty and alone

Dreams: Not empty or alone
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Comments: 55

lemzo n Oct 14, 2008, 10:55am EDT
nice work Sarah, I love it
Denise B. Oct 14, 2008, 10:59am EDT
very nice
Elaine S. Oct 14, 2008, 11:02am EDT
Very Good Sarah
Patti M. Oct 14, 2008, 11:06am EDT
That was very well done. It was also very touching.
Heather ~of the Whippets~ M. Oct 14, 2008, 11:08am EDT
Nicely written, Sarah.
☃ Aunt Shanny Oct 14, 2008, 11:14am EDT
Nicely done. The photo is a perfect touch as well.
Amy H. Oct 14, 2008, 11:20am EDT
Beautifully written. Great job!
edna r. Oct 14, 2008, 11:23am EDT
very nicely written and it really does go with the picture
Sharon B. Oct 14, 2008, 12:17pm EDT
very nice
Sue * Oct 14, 2008, 1:21pm EDT
This image is really inspiring some of you to reach deeply. Nicely done.
Jennifer R. Oct 14, 2008, 1:24pm EDT
Nicely done Sarah. It invokes a lot of images and a lot of feeling. You feel the for the writer instantly and you continue to have hope for them until the end.
Bounder .. Oct 14, 2008, 1:34pm EDT
A great composition
Angela A. Oct 14, 2008, 2:14pm EDT
Whoa, I am truly amazed at your level of talent!
Marge H. Oct 14, 2008, 2:25pm EDT
Excellent Sarah. Very touching.
Erica Hidvegi Oct 14, 2008, 2:47pm EDT
good job I liked it . . . but what is the difference between regular poetry and the 'haiku' ?
Tracey Lapham Aug 18, 2009, 3:44pm EDT
A haiku is a three-lined poem. The first line has five syllables, the second line has seven, and the third again has five.
Sarah didn't write a haiku, but a "haiku-based poem", as she put it; each stanza follows the syllabic limits of a haiku.
Donald M. Oct 14, 2008, 3:52pm EDT
That was wonderful, a child alone searching.
April H. Oct 14, 2008, 4:04pm EDT
So sad, but very well done!
sheila h. Oct 14, 2008, 4:05pm EDT
Very sad the emotion..
well written
Heather C. Oct 14, 2008, 4:11pm EDT
Great poem. Great job! The picture helped bring the emotions home.
Georgiana S. Oct 14, 2008, 4:13pm EDT
too many joining the ranks of the homeless now
Sandra T. Oct 14, 2008, 5:04pm EDT
Powerful and sad. Great job!
Amanda "middle of nowhere" C. Oct 14, 2008, 7:15pm EDT
This is one of the most powerful writings I've read. Very good, very much to-the-point. Every word counts. At the same time, I'm now trying to keep from crying. You should have gave a tear-jerker warning, Sarah!
Amanda "middle of nowhere" C. Oct 14, 2008, 7:15pm EDT
I know this is fiction, but now I want to adopt whoever this poem is about.
JoAnn C. Oct 14, 2008, 7:19pm EDT
great job
donna h. Oct 14, 2008, 7:53pm EDT
very good
Kimber L. Oct 14, 2008, 9:25pm EDT
Good one!
Elsie Duggan Oct 15, 2008, 1:25am EDT
Excellent , wonderful Sarah , great way to do the challenge,
Kimber F. Oct 15, 2008, 1:43am EDT
What a wonderful and sad piece. I really enjoyed reading this. It really spoke to me of the pain of feeling empty and alone. Thank you for sharing with us. Peace.
Mary (diet dr pepper junkie) T. Oct 15, 2008, 11:40am EDT
good work, Sarah - very poignant
Mary G. Oct 15, 2008, 5:22pm EDT
nice work Sarah
Digital Diva S. Oct 15, 2008, 6:48pm EDT
that is very cool. Almost painful.
Elaine K. Oct 15, 2008, 7:43pm EDT
Lovely Sarah! You chose a medium that would be difficult for most to express those emotions in, but you did it beautifully!
glenda j. Oct 15, 2008, 8:10pm EDT
nice
Dena Straughn Oct 16, 2008, 12:52am EDT
How sad that there are children who live this sadness.
Rita j. Oct 16, 2008, 10:11am EDT
Beautiful writing Sara
Rita j. Oct 16, 2008, 10:11am EDT
very touching
lynn a. Oct 16, 2008, 10:59am EDT
If I keep reading these drabbles I'm going to need to tell someone to pass the Prozac. Geez. Such sadness, such pain. All these mistreated little children. You told a very realistic and horrific story here. Very good.
Sheila Deeth Oct 16, 2008, 12:47pm EDT
So simple and so beautifully written. Very poignant piece.
Kay M. Oct 16, 2008, 11:34pm EDT
Very touching Sarah
William Dotani Oct 16, 2008, 11:39pm EDT
You nicely capture the child's thoughts with the refrain.
William Dotani Oct 16, 2008, 11:40pm EDT
This is quite sad and unfortunately true in some countries.
Sue T. Oct 17, 2008, 12:44am EDT
Good job, Sarah.
aratma d. Oct 17, 2008, 8:07am EDT
Good one, Sarah! A full stomach doesn't replace love or safety.
Lisa Frost Oct 17, 2008, 9:33am EDT
touching and wonderful.
Rose H. Oct 17, 2008, 10:03am EDT
Nicely done, Sarah.
Tracey W. Oct 17, 2008, 12:06pm EDT
What a clever take on the prompt. Good drabble.
Jan S. Oct 17, 2008, 10:51pm EDT
Excellent. Very emotional.
Shelbia C. Oct 18, 2008, 10:26pm EDT
I really like this. It works well with the picture. It is sad though.
Curt L. Oct 19, 2008, 8:15pm EDT
Well written and heart touching, Sarah!
This comment is to let you know your content has reached at least ten comments, and as such has been removed from Comment Speedway! Congratulations.
Chelle M. Oct 26, 2008, 12:43pm EDT
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached at least five votes and over 8.0 average rating, and as such has been removed from Rating Resurrectionists! Congratulations!
Tracey Lapham Aug 18, 2009, 3:45pm EDT
It must be very difficult to write a poem with such structure like that...I certainly can't do it!
Well done :)

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