Every time I go shopping, it begins to be harder and harder. I see a baby in a car seat being pushed around the store. I see baby clothes on a rack near the baby section. I hear a child saying "daddy" or "ahhhhh" and/or screaming or crying- and it sounds like Gracee.
The other day, Mom, my stepdad and I were in 'Lowe's a child yelled "ahhhh" in an aisle and I looked that way and said "Mom, that sounds like Gracee" and then I tried so hard to continue the shopping with my mother and stepfather and when they paid for their items. I told them I had to use the restroom. I silently broke down and cried... I didn't want anyone to hear me. I was so scared of someone hearing me, I wanted to just stay in the stall and not see that changing table as the doorway, entering the restroom. I wanted to cry more... In fact, I just felt like screaming, but I couldn't. I had to silently wipe my tears away ... I knew my mother, stepfather and Walter were waiting near the door to leave. And I knew they would ask what's wrong. It's just too hard to explain the simple words "I miss my little girl." Or... "I want her here". No one seems to understand that... Or just maybe, maybe they do. Any mother possibly would understand what I'm going through... Possibly to some ounce, but going on each day is a battle. I know I have only one choice- I have to and I have to go on for only one person and that is my Gracee.
But, how do I stop myself from crying? Do I simply not go grocery shopping anymore? I just want to hold my child, put her to bed... oh man, its just so hard. I'm crying as I write this. How do I stop myself from this crying stuff??? I just want my baby here.... :'(
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Comments: 55
I agree with the others. Let hearing a baby's cry be your reminder that the ultimate goal is to be strong and make needed changes to get her back.
Dear Michelle:
I understand how you must be feeling and know this, I am praying for you and Gracee everyday, I am praying that if the Lord wills Gracee to be returned to you, let it be so, and it is amazing what prayers the Lord has answered for me before.
Like when one girl from New Jersey I sometimes chat with was in Jail, I prayed for her, when she got hospitalized from a beating, I prayed that ok if she goes back to Jail or back Home, well let it be as the Lord wills but please don't let her get beaten anymore, no matter what, and when her Mom told me she would get to go home after getting out of the Hospital, I prayed a prayer of thanks to the Lord.
The same girl sued the Jail, won $71,000 in her lawsuit, she prosecuted the 4 guards who beat her, and much nicer guards testified against the 4 mean guards too, and those 4 mean guards, they got 9 years in prison for the beatings too.
Anyways, I am sorry about the fact Gracee was taken from you, but just remember, if my one chat buddy who suffered pain can prevail and Rise Above (a title of another song I wrote for her), then you can also recover from what you are dealing with.
Pray that Jesus that if it be his will Gracee is returned to you, let it be so, because if he wills Gracee back to you, believe me it will happen, no matter how long it takes.
Hang in there Michelle and do the best you can, I know it's hard, but you will get through this, and if the Lord wills Gracee back to you, he will see to it that Gracee is returned to you.
May God greatly watch over you.
10 4 u
I can't imagine what it is like for you. Visitaition is sometimes more that I can stand and my kids are already teenagers. Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish you all the best.
Tracey
I cry daily when I drive to school. It's the only time I get to cry without tearing my husband's sanity apart, and I certainly don't want to cry in front of my children.
The one thing I can offer is that I am positive beyond all doubt that your Gracee would want you to continue with your life... fulfill your "mission" on this plane of existence and shine as much as you can as a tribute to both she AND you! I KNOW that she would not want you to squander any of the precious minutes and seconds that you have here debilitated and unable to do good works for yourself and others... Every action that you perform to help others and elevate the purpose of all humankind is a homage to her... Try, dear Michelle, TRY to "soldier on" in HER name if for no other reason...
Blessings to you, my friend...
luv,
jean
As hard as this is, you do need to think about the future, when you will have Gracee back with you. She needs you to be strong. I will pray for you, too.
Hold my good will wishes close to your heart. I hope you get through this soon.
My heart goes out to you.
I hope that you get you get gracee back soon and please talk to those closest to you ,while you may feel like they don't understand what you are going through most likely they are going through that pain as well there just trying to keep it together for your sake.Talk to them it will make you feel better and you will not feel alone in such a hard time.When you feel like your falling apart remind yourself that the best way to get gracee back soon is to stay composed and push to get her back and that will help build you back up.Keep reminding yourself of the day when she will be with you again and that will motivate you to keep fighting.I wish you the best!
God bless you and your family
Hang in there, keep holding on, things will get better, keep on praying.
God Bless You
I am still praying fo ryou. I know it is hard when you hear another child cry in a store. Take that as a sign to work towards getting your daughter back. Sometimes we all need to cry it out. I have been doing alot of crying lately. As i just can't hold it in any longer liek I use to when I was younger. I think Elsie and Anne gave you some much needed and good advice.
Just letting you know I am not faulting you for your daughter removable. As I know how the system can work against parents.
i agree with many here... you must get some counseling ...it will help to ease some of your pain... God bless you...
I am keeping you in my prayers...
Angel
Your heart is broken like mine was. It is hard to go on, but you have to. Not just for the new baby or Walter but for Gracee herself. She needs you to fight to keep yourself together and work towards her returning home again.
Focus on that happy day. It will help honey...and there is no feeling in the world like getting your children home again. I'll never forget that day. The sheriffs went in with the pick up order and they were back in my arms again.
If you ever want to talk, let me know.
Don't feel that you have to stop crying; you're allowed to cry. Just remember that you have to keep trying.
I've been through a similar situation (rather, my mom has), and so I've seen the kinds of things that can happn. I'm sure that your family wasn't perfect, but I'm sure that there could have been much better ways to deal with whatever problems you've had, than to rip your child away from you. This obviously does not help a person's state, now does it?
The sad thing is, I have watched a strong, beautiful woman with few faults deteriorate into a depressed, ill-termpered person because of what has happened to her. Please try not to let this happen to you.
Just hold on.
May God bless you, and remember that there is always hope; no matter how far away. Gracee will remember you, and she will always love you because you are her mother. Just know that you have to stay the person you always have been for her. Don't succumb to the pressure of court proceedings and stress, don't let it bring you down.
I will be praying for you.