As The Gather Turns #3 (Confessions) 10/5/08

“As the Gather Turns" is a catchy title, but does not really portray what I write here,   Rick L. suggested “Gather World News”, which is probably a better title. Maybe "Gather Gossip" might be good, but I already started with As the Gather Turns, so I guess I’ll keep it.  I hope no Gatherites are hurt during the reading of my article, and if anyone is offended, I apologize in advance. I try hard to sound respectful, while trying to put a dry, humorous undertone to it. I make nothing up; this is all true. Without further ado, I offer for your enjoyment:

           There have been some confessions here at Gather lately. Gather seems to be the place where people like to “let it all hang out”. Here’s a few:

              Donna T. confessed to being in love with someone other than her husband. It turned out to only be Gather. We thought that one was going to be juicy. What a big disappointment.

             Minipin Pixels started an amusing conversation where people were confessing to their drunken escapades. Bridget admitted to forgetting her husband’s name, Samatha H. drank a whole bottle of wine and fell down, which hurt, but hurt much more the next day.  Pamela O. confessed to grabbing her father-in-law’s bum while kissing him. I did notice that Minipin Pixels had nothing to confess, so apparently this was just a ploy so she could laugh at her friends. Naughty, naughty.

       Penni d. confessed to gambling, Alex in wonderland confessed to having a potty mouth, Alex N confessed to spending too much time “window shopping” on the internet (hey, who doesn’t?).

     We have many confessors of hoarding: Kimberly Ripley (decorative boxes, picture frames, lamp shades and pie plates), Ang G. (everything) ,Theresa W.(“stuff”), Linda G (stationary and envelopes), a person by the “name” of  0000 0 (“stuff” also), Beth J (pack rat), Shelbia C (pack rat), Denise B. (can’t throw things away).  Donna Besso is lucky in that she has actually had her hoarding addiction diagnosed: by a video game.  That’s right. Rock Star told her she is an energy hoarder. She can’t understand why she is so tired all the time if she’s hoarding so much energy.

   Kevin E. confessed his love for practical jokes. He also has information about where one can find a “day stretcher” at the mall. 

    Kelli M. and some of her friends were confessing to admiring the “hotties” on their kids’ shows. Shannon W. likes Magnus Sheving, Kelli M., has been admiring Steve from Blues Clues, and Rodney R. has a “thing” for Loonette the Clown from The Big Comfy Couch. 

     Lori F. admitted to pretending to be a man who wore woman’s underwear. Deb P. confessed to wearing her husband’s underwear (but only when hers was dirty) Vic S. topped that with the story of the tattoo she has on her butt of a set of lips with the words "kiss this."

     Victoria H. was embarrassed to confess that she loves the fragrance “Paris Hilton”, despite the fact that she finds the model, Paris Hilton cheesy and unintelligent, and invited her friends to confess something too. Most people declined to confess anything, and just talked about their love or hate of perfumes, but Jo C. admitted to reading People magazine, and Kate Keely admitted to listening to Neil Diamond. (This writer has a problem because she enjoys both of those too)

       Jaime R. wanted to get the “goods” on her friends so she admitted that she never learned how to ride a bike and urged them to pour out their confessions. Her friends were a little more forthcoming than Victoria H.’s were. Deana Straun admitted she likes to read cheap romances, Allana G said, “I don't ‘get’ the humor in Monty Python movies.” Sara L. offered that fact that she can't swim. “I can float, sink and everything in between, but I can't swim.” We finally got a good confession out of someone when Julie (I want your coke codes) said, “Ok I have a real confession! I hate my husband’s family, his parents, brother, sisters, and especially the aunts and uncles and cousins! They only call when they need something and he so lets them walk all over him! They do absolutely nothing for him but cause problems between us! They are driving me crazy! I am going to block all their #s!!!! Sorry this was kinda a vent 2!” 

      Carmel m discovered that Gatherites don’t mind talking about the skeletons in their family closet. She offered the information that one of her grandfathers had a very interesting first job of being a bootlegger/rum runner during prohibition. Dan Cole admitted that two of his stepsisters were grave robbers. Kathi D offered, “Apparently we've had a few people kill (or attempt to kill) their spouses!” Barbara B said “Somewhere in the family ancestry one of the men fell in love with this Indian maiden, she lived on a reservation. He kidnapped her and took her into the mountains, lived there for years.”

      Beth B. had no problem confessing what it’s like being a busy mom.  “If I ever got stranded in my car, there's enough miscellaneous food on the floorboards for me to survive a week and gain weight. I used to have the energy for erotic fantasies. Now when the hot stranger arrives in my dreams, all I want him to do is rub my feet; while I eat ice cream straight from the carton.  I have fallen asleep in a meeting; sitting next to our CEO. After months of going nuts trying to keep my child from eating off the floor, I gave up. Now, if it's part of a cookie lying there, I just try to eat it first. If we got a dog, I might weigh less. I take vacation days so we can clean out the garage and basement. I look forward to this vacation. I keep tons of lists so that I can remember all the things I need to get done. I can't remember where I put the lists. I've bought lottery tickets for weeks now, thinking, if I won, I'd quit work and have time to get my part of the work done around the house! It just now occurred to me, if I won, I could also afford a cleaning lady. I always forget to check the numbers anyway.”