by mona d.

Member since:
November 16, 2005

cold

October 04, 2008 02:59 PM EDT

views: 190 | comments: 46

Early morning

biting air

on skin still warm

from dreams of you.

shuffling across

chilled floorboards

the shower welcomes me

with a hot caress

that allows the fog

to linger.

but that one cold drip

invades the warm friendly wave

and is insistent

on waking me.

i turn my back to it

try to ignore it

but it falls against

the nape of my neck

slides down between

my shoulder blades

runs along my spine

reminding me

with its

bitter

constant

ice

alone.

Tags: poetry, poem, random musings

To Groups: .....The Poetry Review....., Experimental poetry, Heart Tugs, Just Write!, Love, Poet's Passion, Poetry Express, poetryloverz, Poets and Writers

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Comments: 46

qliqli1 L. Oct 4, 2008, 3:21pm EDT

very beautiful and true!

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Duckie 1 Oct 4, 2008, 3:34pm EDT

In the staccato ending, you describe it masterfully... how loneliness and grief can debilitate our whole consciousness. Your imagery is unsurpassed as always, my dear Mona. And as usual, you reel us in and wreak havoc with your readers' emotions. Applause... for a gem of a poem!

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Tonia, who hugs trees G. Oct 4, 2008, 3:37pm EDT

It is always a gift to find new work from you. That you could take that single drop of cold water and imbue it with such poignancy is testament to your talent, my dear.

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Liz [site-Raven] Please critique my poetry. Oct 4, 2008, 3:40pm EDT

Young lady this s superb........and even comes with its own delightful music and dance! Good to see you writing for your work is always a pleasure.

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Duckie 1 Oct 4, 2008, 4:19pm EDT

I came back to read this again. It is such a dynamic, visual poem. The ending is a twisting, shrinking into oneself kind of hurting... each word like a fist pounding on a shower wall. Incredible, Mona!

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mona d. Oct 4, 2008, 4:39pm EDT

thanks for getting it, my friends. it's nice to feel some inspiration again.

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Faith H. Oct 4, 2008, 4:40pm EDT

Oh, Monacakes, darling, this dances and glides and freezes the moment that has me in its grasp. You must be reading my mind and I love it.

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Dannielle S. Oct 4, 2008, 6:16pm EDT

Mona, I'm having a hard time composing a comment here, and I hope you know why. It's like a snapshot of Monday morning. Perfect.

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mona d. Oct 4, 2008, 6:33pm EDT

faithy & d - such a connection among us, huh?

and i forgot to mention before - nice chalk revelations, t.

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Katrina Hall Oct 4, 2008, 6:34pm EDT

A strong, descriptive and emotional poem, Mona - that makes me thank the lord I think more about bills than the thought of love.

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Mariana T. Oct 4, 2008, 9:39pm EDT

girl, I could feel every drop - mornings come too soon. Thank you. Salud

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elizabeth e. Oct 4, 2008, 11:54pm EDT

Ordinary experience
Embued with mind
Loneliness defined.

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Colonel Possum Oct 5, 2008, 1:08am EDT

Dearest Mona!

Your line:

shuffling across
chilled floorboards

has a feel as "chilling" as the line in T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock":

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
scuttling across the floors of silent seas

A Big Ten from the ole Colonel.

Cheers,

Colonel Possum

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dianne j. Oct 14, 2008, 9:35am EDT

Mona, this is stunning. So simple, yet so complex. It flows so smoothly -- until it smacks. I have been feeling this kind of loneliness lately. You describe it perfectly.

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Minakshi w. Oct 17, 2008, 1:50am EDT

Mona, how does one comment on a poem that leaves you feeling chilled , and so very alone . Soft reflections that cut deep.

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Member Photog Oct 17, 2008, 8:57pm EDT

this resonates with me a little too well....thank dog for....well, dogs ;>

thanks for all of your fun feedback of late....

cheers,gayle

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Magi the magical poet is riding the wind again Oct 18, 2008, 4:49am EDT

This really is top shelf, Mona!

But you are not alone, except in the shower. LOL

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elizabeth e. Oct 18, 2008, 7:27am EDT

But Magi, if you have a dog like Tuck, sometimes even in the shower, one is not completely alone. Tuck thinks he has every right to come into the bathroom when people are in there cause he hates being alone.

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elizabeth e. Oct 18, 2008, 7:27am EDT

Mona: You should get yourself a dog! Lol

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mona d. Oct 20, 2008, 8:02am EDT

i do have the occasional cat waiting for me when i get out - does that count?!

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jessie voigts Oct 25, 2008, 3:55pm EDT

cripes. how did i miss this?? gorgeous writing!!

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Debbie G. Oct 27, 2008, 10:00am EDT

Mona, this is excellent! What you did with the last lines worked very well.

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Curt L. Oct 27, 2008, 5:20pm EDT

A wonderful poem!

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Bill's Spirit Nov 4, 2008, 3:54pm EST

You drew me in so comfy and warm with your descriptive morning passage, then suddenly turned on the cold.

Well done.

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Adrian Eve Revenaugh Nov 5, 2008, 6:08pm EST

Mona,
Having driven down into the core of aloneness in isolation, coming up against myself at every turn, I can only say your poem reads as though with each chilly drop you are one drip closer to finding your own finest companion, the one who'll always be there for you. Yourself.

Get into the middle of that; the sad, bad, the ugly, and the splendorous, and the next sweet coupling with another there will be less room for the follow up, cold drip reminder.

A wonderful poem. The bittersweetness of desire. Truly a source for primary juice. Thank You.

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Jude Cowell Nov 6, 2008, 10:10am EST

Poetic Perfection as usual, Miss M! and where can i get an occasional cat? this one is around all the time... ;p

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Mariana T. Nov 11, 2008, 12:27pm EST

Monita - just dropping by to wish you a good morning. Salud

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Doyle ( IS SOOO 7 for 7 soon... ) C. Dec 2, 2008, 4:08pm EST

Wow. I really liked the wordplay at the end. :)

Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~

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Member Photog Dec 19, 2008, 7:15am EST

MONA....PREZZIE WAITING FOR YOU....CHECK THE GLOBES....LEFT YOU PING WITH THE URL

Have a cool yule!...back to zzzzzzzzz-land....catch ya later if you be around....

cheers,gayle

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Priscilla P. Jan 6, 2009, 11:20am EST

This is such a dramatic piece that hits on the essence of life in a powerful identifiable manner.

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Priscilla P. Jan 6, 2009, 11:21am EST

Thanks for your comment on Saturday ride. I am always so pleased to see your icon because the satisfying smell of bread and love accompanies it

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Priscilla P. Jan 6, 2009, 11:34am EST

I just read this poem three more times as I was saving it in my favorite poems collection and it becomes more potent with each reading. I think that may be because cold so blatantly slaps me in the face and crunkles up my insides.

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Priscilla P. Jan 14, 2009, 10:37am EST

I read it again with a shiver but I think we are all alone

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Priscilla P. Jan 14, 2009, 10:38am EST

"how about just a big ole hole in the floor where you can dump all your worldly possessions?"---PERFECT

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Priscilla P. Jan 14, 2009, 7:05pm EST

Oh Mona, thank you so very much for the kind comment about the Union pic. No one has ever said that about me before. I am so grateful

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Jude Cowell Jan 22, 2009, 1:51pm EST

had to return and read again...you are a minx of poetry mona...

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anna vee Feb 4, 2009, 9:53pm EST

Very nice.

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Nanina Hawk Mar 4, 2009, 9:41pm EST

Mona, Wow, this is beautiful, like always your words are magical!

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Terry Collett Mar 6, 2009, 8:06am EST

impressive poem.well laid out and unfolded. Liked:

but that one cold drip

invades the warm friendly wave

and is insistent

on waking me.

i turn my back to it

try to ignore it

but it falls against

the nape of my neck

slides down between

my shoulder blades

runs along my spine

reminding me

with its

bitter

i

constant

am

ice

alone.

reply to this comment

amanda wallin Mar 13, 2009, 8:43am EDT

This sent chills up my spine with its fantastic metaphor for desolation and yearning. You capture the id and the pain within superbly in this succinct poem. Dam girl, I wish you wrote more often.
Thank you so much for all your kind words of support. I love you my dear~

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Granny Janny H. Mar 18, 2009, 8:13pm EDT

Happy Birthday dear Poet, Writer, and friend.
I wish you years of love and laughter no end
Before and After the drippy days
Celebrations of your existence I send
And warm spring sunny rays

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John F Walter Apr 7, 2009, 7:14pm EDT

Brilliant shift in this poem with that single drop, turning the entire mood from warm to ice cold, and taking the reader with you in a lyrical cascade toward frozen feelings. Beautifully crafted build toward the ultimate disillusionment: Realization of finality of loneliness, under the chill of wet skin.

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David P. Apr 21, 2009, 10:47am EDT

This was very well written. It is hard to believe that you are 109 years old, according to your profile. You were born the same month and day as me, but the year - not so much!

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