This is excellent flowing thought. I like the imagery of consciousness displayed. I do question why you ended with 'today.' I thought this word not needed.
I ended with the word 'today' for two reasons. Firstly, because she can be reached - just not today. Secondly, for me the word 'today' at the end of this poem brings the rhythmic flow of the writing to an abrupt halt and I like that effect because it's similar to the feeling you get when a daydream is suddenly interupted. And her life is like that - dreaming, present, dreaming, present.
I really appreciate your comments, so thank you, William!
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Comments: 8
I really appreciate your comments, so thank you, William!