My Precious Christmas Gift---Happy Birthday Baby Girl

Prior to meeting my husband, my life was a shambles. I was caught in a web of alchoholism/drug addiction and going nowhere fast. My actions led me to several treatments centers and then on to 12-step groups. Many whom I've met in recovery groups have become some of my best friends today. Among them is my husband. 

We had been dating a year and a half when Lenny came home from work one night to find me ridding the fridge of all of it's contents. "I have food poisoning and everything's got to go." I remember him looking at me like I was crazy as I dumped every morsel of food we had straight into the trash. What was ailing me, though, was not food poisoning. 

After taking three consecutive pregnancy tests in a half hour, I confirmed to myself that  I was indeed pregnant. I cried for three hours straight. I cried because I was in total shock (the birth control had obviously failed me), I cried because Lenny and I had not even talked about marriage--much less having children, and I cried because I was going to be having a baby with the man that I loved dearly.

I waited an entire day to tell him the news. I was scared to tell him. He already had two sons from a previous marriage. Maybe he wouldn't want this baby. I promised myself that I would tell him before midnight. We were watching tv and he asked me what was the matter. Tears started rolling down my face before I could even mutter the words, "I'm pregnant." His reaction to this news will forever be ingrained in my memory. He jumped up off the couch and started kind of dancing clumsily around and saying, "You're gonna have my baby. You're gonna have my baby." His face was bursting with happiness as he knelt to the floor and kissed my belly. I remember feeling utterly safe and loved.

I began looking for maternity clothes and telling all of our family/friends. We would lay in bed at night thinking of names for babies. I treasured those moments when I could feel the baby move inside of me. My husband would sing silly made up songs to my belly. At 6 months along, my family threw a huge baby shower for me. The color theme of the shower was PINK. I was ecstatic. We were having a baby girl.

We found a perfect two bedroom home to rent. With a little cleaning and painting it was the perfect fit. I picked out a beautiful border with pink bows that enveloped the nursery walls. There was pink/white bedding in the crib. There were little pink sleepers, and little pink booties. There was pink everywhere.

On Christmas night I was at a family party eating spicy nacho cheese dip when I started to have some cramping. My sister in law kept telling me I was in labor. I really just thought I'd had one two many bowls of spicy cheese dip. My husband and I went home so I could lie down. He went to the back bedroom to get me a big roomy comfortable t-shirt (I was the size of a beached whale) and when he returned I was face down in a recliner with my knees on the floor. I kept saying, "It's okay. I just had way to much cheese dip." My husband said, "Cheese dip, my ass. You're in labor. We've got to get to the hospital." I had no idea what was going on. I had never been in labor before. He scurried around the house like a little mouse gathering up bags and rushing us to the car. I thought he was going to have a heart attack.

By the time we got to the hospital, I KNEW I was in labor. I went in the door yelling for an epidural. I was in labor all Christmas night. Not a tough time, mostly sleeping or moaning a little. My husband and girlfriend didn't sleep at all that night. You could tell by the thousands of empty mountain dew cans strewn all over the place in the morning. I awoke to hard contractions, and I was told to push. I pushed, I cried, I screamed, I cussed, I did everything they said for about 2 hours. Then I said, "Enough." My husband says that I tried to get off the birthing table and go home. I was delirious with pain by this time. He said I told them I'd changed my mind and wasn't going to have a baby. The doctor and my husband told me otherwise.

An emergency C-section was performed. My daughter was a big one wieghing in at 9pds14ounces. She was born the day after Christmas. I was very loopy during the C-section and even dreamed I was flying at one point. I remember her first cry, and I watched as they place her in my husbands arms as tears of joy streamed down his face. 

They took her to wash her and get me back to my hospital bed. As I anticipated her arrival, I realize that my expectations were excessively low for the miracle that was placed into my arms. I felt an incredible joy that I will remember for as long as I am living. This precious gift of life was staring up at me with the most beautiful hazel eyes I had ever seen. I began to sob tears of joy and some of them splashed onto her tiny soft baby face.  

With God's help, my husband was able to give me a most precious gift....even more beautiful than if I could have dreamed her up for myself. Madison Lynn was the most exquisite Christmas present I have ever recieved to date. 

(Today (December 26th) my little girl turned FIVE.)