by Susan G.
Member since:
October 18, 2007

Peter Joseph Swanson Rumors Abound!

September 13, 2008 12:41 AM EDT
views: 80 | comments: 125

Gather Island.  Friday night.  After eating too much pasta for dinner, a reliable source let it be known that Peter Joseph Swanson enthusiastically  participates in fish smelling contests. 

Also bandied about:  Peter Joseph Swanson bought Bjork's swan dress off e-bay and wears it about the house just because he likes to feel pretty.

I have heard that Peter Joseph Swanson has been seen carrying a zip-loc bag of boxed wine with him to social gatherings.

 Post any rumors that you have heard here! 

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Comments: 125

Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:43am EDT
Welll, *I* heard the one about the thong, but I don't think it's a good idea to go into it here. The post might be flagged.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:43am EDT
Hello all, welcome to my rumor rag!
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:44am EDT
I can tell you one I heard the other day, though... he hates houseplants.

Shocking.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:44am EDT
lol, fish-smelling cracks me up.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:44am EDT
Yes, let's keep it clean. Or as clean as possible with Peter.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:45am EDT
Won't be easy.

So anyway, he has a special hatred of ferns and rhododendrons. Dates back to an incident from his childhood involving a spatula.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:45am EDT
The zip-loc thing shocks me. How would YOU feel if you were the hostess and Peter brought his own box wine in a bag?
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:46am EDT
He's also afraid of women wearing puce.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:46am EDT
I know! Terrible manners!!
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:47am EDT
I like ferns. Rhododendrons are nice, but they belong outdoors.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:47am EDT
There was another rumor.... about him and Rob Appell and a pizza.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:47am EDT
Ferns are cool. They fear Peter.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:47am EDT
I can't have real plants in the house. Cats like to eat them.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:48am EDT
I wouldn't trust Peter and Rob in the same room, with or without a pizza.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:48am EDT
Some cats try to eat plastic plants too, though, yes?
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:49am EDT
We'll take the pizza, and segregate them.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:51am EDT
DISCLAIMER! The author of this post and all participants in the comments deny any responsibility for authenticity or non of any and all rumors.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:51am EDT
Thought I better throw that in before we got any farther.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:52am EDT
good call.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:52am EDT
Yes, cats have been known to try to gnosh on most anything interesting looking. Then they throw up on your bed.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:53am EDT
You need to join Peter's Purdy Posting Palace and The Peter Swanson Fan Club and add them to the 'groups posted to' thingy for this.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:53am EDT
or on your carpet, or your stairs, or your kitchen floor...
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:55am EDT
That's an idea! I really didn't want to feed his ego, but in order to post this for all his adoring fans to see, it just might be worth it.
William Dotani Sep 13, 2008, 12:55am EDT
I heard he has the grounds around his apartment marked so people know the direction to the nearest fish market no matter which direction they are walking. He was given an award for this from the now defunct fish handlers association and now the authorities are seeking a warrant to inspect Peter's freezer to see if anything fishy is going on. However, the judge in this case, the Honorable R. Appel was seen accepting a box of red wine from Peter making some think something fishy is going on. Peter of course is in denial, but samples of fertilizer in his yard has caused investigators to suspect his 92 year old neighbor has hypnotized Peter into doing her bidding.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 12:55am EDT
wow, that's a juicy rumor, and COMPLETELY plausible.

YOu are an EXCELLENT reporter. And totally impartial.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:56am EDT
Ooooh, William has details! Tell us more!
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 12:57am EDT
Excuse me a sec while I go join some groups.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:01am EDT
I've forgotten where I go to turn off my filter!
William Dotani Sep 13, 2008, 1:02am EDT
I almost missed it, but there is an article in a newspaper a fish was once wrapped in, dated aaaaaaaaaaaaaapril 2, 1974. Seems that Peter won the goldfish swallowing contest in his town. Actually, he was the only entrant and was truant from school on that day. Now this might explain why fish never stay for long in his aquarium. Peter's explanation that they are on vacation doesn't hold water.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:02am EDT
Oh.... on your home page (not your profile) I think... let me check mine
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:04am EDT
Found it!
William Dotani Sep 13, 2008, 1:04am EDT
Oh my! It never crossed my mind Peter could be in a disguise. I was told his red coat was put on while wet and dried for a very snug fit.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:04am EDT
William, that is shocking. I wasn't living in Quincy then so it was obviously all hushed up by the time I got to town.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:04am EDT
Now to go join his "naughty" group.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:05am EDT
Or maybe.... maybe.... the 92-year-old took over Peter's body!
William Dotani Sep 13, 2008, 1:06am EDT
Sorry, but I have to look at some other articles. This was fun.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:07am EDT
It is done. Now to see if any come to join us!
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:07am EDT
ta then! saend mre .... send more rumors our way any time!
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:07am EDT
susan, read wtih me --

http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?memberId=108600&articleId=281474977348220&nav=Namespace
William Dotani Sep 13, 2008, 1:12am EDT
Just look at Peter's shoes and you'll know if he is or isn't possessed. If they are high heeled sneakers, you'll know.
Bye.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:12am EDT
I have read.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:14am EDT
that was great, William. thanks!
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:14am EDT
Susan, we are not as young as we used to be. Just an observation.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:14am EDT
Bye, William.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:15am EDT
And I am not as young as you. Another observation.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:15am EDT
Who knew that teeth could be like dominoes?
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:16am EDT
LOL, are those the body parts falling out??
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:16am EDT
Yup
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:18am EDT
I have the bite of a rottweiler (sp?), but the teeth of a very old, fragile toy poodle.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:18am EDT
you weren't in any bar fights, were you?

DID PETER THROW A WINE BOX AT YOU???
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:18am EDT
I remember when they started adding flouride to toothpaste!
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:19am EDT
That should tell you that I was flouride-less for a number of cavity fighting years.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:20am EDT
I.... don't remember not having fluoride.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:20am EDT
it was a woeful injustice.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:20am EDT
I have almost as many crowns as teeth.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:21am EDT
It was another crowned tooth--the one right in front of the first one that broke.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:22am EDT
See the difference that 10 years can make!
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:22am EDT
you are royalty, dentally speaking.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:23am EDT
you could get a gold tooth... wait a minute, this is a *new* tooth problem. Weren't you just at the dentist the other day??
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:23am EDT
Then you won't remember the commercial with the cartoon native americans dancing in a circle singing "You'll wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent!"
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:24am EDT
Somehow... someHOW... this is Peter's fault. I know it.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:26am EDT
well, I'm familiar with that jingle -- probably from retro-specials or something
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:26am EDT
I went to the dentist for a check-up and cleaning, then a couple of days later, a crowned tooth broke off. No decay, just broke. Now the one in front of that just broke. They're going down like dominoes!
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:27am EDT
you *are* falling apart.

I dreamed a long time ago that all of my teeth fell out.

I also dreamed that I had a pouch. BUt we won't discuss that.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:27am EDT
I called the dentist, but got a machine. I left a message, but they haven't gotten back to me. That means the whole weekend with a hole in my head!
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:29am EDT
I forgot to mention--no cavities at the check-up. Everything looked good, he said.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:30am EDT
So except for them falling out, you're good.

Check.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:31am EDT
Like I said. Major pounds per square inch pressure in my bite.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:32am EDT
I'm too young to be a snaggletoothed old lady. Wah!
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:32am EDT
Biting's not polite. Nibbling's better.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:33am EDT
If I'm told that the tooth is done for, I think I'll go for dental implants and get me some of those pop-bead teeth. You prolly don't remember pop-beads, either.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:33am EDT
I want to be one of those ladies who yells at the kids in her yard.

But I'd have to get a yard.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:34am EDT
not the things cabbies sit on, right?

Or bubble wrap.. that would be a bad dental substitute.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:35am EDT
I think I clench my teeth in my sleep. That how I break them, what with my powerful bite and all.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:37am EDT
can you crush cans with your bare... er... teeth?
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:38am EDT
With Pop-beads you could vary the length of your necklace because the beads just popped together. You could add or subtract beads. They were not very posh, but they were fun. The only pop-beads that you find now are very large and are baby toys.
Kay M. Sep 13, 2008, 1:38am EDT
It is rumored that when Peter was a child he caught a fish with his bare hands. Much to his surprise and delight he found he had caught a rare talking fish.
"This is your lucky day kid" the fish told him. "I will grant you three wishes."
"Yay!" Peter said. He thought very hard about what he should wish for.
"Hurry up kid" the fish prodded. "I'm a fish out of water. I don't got all day."
"Oh my!" Peter said. "I wish you wouldn't rush me."
"Ok kid. That's one wish. You've got two left."
"How rude!" Peter declared. "You know I didn't want that one to count."
Peter thought and thought about what he should wish for. The smell of the little fish was repulsive and distracting and as Peter held the fish out further from his face he didn't think before he grumbled "I wish you smelled better"
"Granted" said the fish. "Smell me now"
Peter put the fish to his nose and sniffed. "Heavenly" he declared.
The fish reminded him that he had only one wish remaining.
And then it happened. The fish slipped from his grasp and fell back into the water and the current carried it away.
To this day Peter sniffs every fish he encounters hoping to once again find the magical fish that owes him his last wish.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:38am EDT
I haven't tried--sharp edges, and all that, don't you know.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:40am EDT
Kay! What a nice backstory for Peter's repulsive habit!
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:42am EDT
OH, KAY! That is WONDERFUL!!
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:42am EDT
If I catch that fish, I'm going to wish for perfect teeth. Natural ones. In my mouth. Crafty fish like that would prolly grant me perfect wind-up teeth if I didn't specify.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:42am EDT
LOL! I Love it. It's fairytalish and demented all at once!
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:43am EDT
though wind-up teeth could be ... fun .... at parties... with children.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:43am EDT
But altogether too nice for rumor! Can you give it a nasty twist?
Kay M. Sep 13, 2008, 1:44am EDT
Now that people know the truth they more be more sympathetic and accepting of his eccentricity.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:45am EDT
ummm... he sniffs lobsters in tanks? when he's had too much wine?
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:46am EDT
I accept it. But I still get to poke him. I've seen him wearing lumberjack plaid. I've got rights.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:46am EDT
Tell us, Kay, how did you find us tonight. Was it serendipity or through one of the groups I joined tonight precisely to get the dirt about Peter more widely spread?
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:48am EDT
Whilst giving us a new post on which to chat, BTW.
Kay M. Sep 13, 2008, 1:48am EDT
Hmm. A nasty twist.
Peter has vowed that once he has caught the little fish and claimed his wish, he will then marinade the little fellow in boxed wine, pan fry it, garnish it with cheetos and serve it to his unsuspecting 97 year old neighbor.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:48am EDT
dirt, legend... it's all the same....
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:49am EDT
Ah, that's more like it!
Kay M. Sep 13, 2008, 1:50am EDT
I just comment stalked Tracy and William.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:50am EDT
LOL! an *excellent* nasty twist.

Sounds like a good photo essay, too.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:50am EDT
Peter Joseph Swanson plots to do in small fish and little old lady in one fell swoop!
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:51am EDT
Schocking headline worthy.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:51am EDT
Uh, shocking, even.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:51am EDT
schlock.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:53am EDT
Hey, as long as the modem is working, I'm happy. But then, I take pills for that.
Susan G. Sep 13, 2008, 1:53am EDT
Capsules, actually. Big ones.
Kay M. Sep 13, 2008, 1:54am EDT
I try to pay attention to the feed but I get distracted by the comments below. I've still really never come to grips with Hawthorne.
Tracy Fabre Sep 13, 2008, 1:54am EDT
I'd rather take m&ms for that.