Following accusations in the U.S. media that Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin is a bad mother, the UK's top new media giant Boggart Network News (BNN) sent a crack(head) team of investigative reporters to check out the allegation. What the BNN team uncovered may shock sensitive readers.
First we can refute the charge that Palin is not human. Despite having a prodigious track record for breeding she is not a queen bee. The fact that she is still popping out kids at forty-something suggests only that she is ignorant on matters relating to birth control or has a vagina like a Wizard's sleeve. Both these conditions are common among humans.
Next there is the more serious allegation that Palin is entirely irresponsible in allowing or even pressuring her daughter to marry Levi Johnson. One look at a picture of Johnson shows he should not be allowed to breed let along to marry and be responsible for brining up kids. The evidence for this is shown in the picture of him here:
http://click.236.com/r/BA5OEL/54G/8YSJ/JI0/UR1/OS/h
Look at the hair in this picture. Note that Johnson as a mullet, the second most popular hairstyle (after the shaved head) of guys who appeared on The Jerry Springer Show and confessed to boffing their wife's sister or brother.) Mullets are said to have been invented by a cartoon character, half -boy, half-fish soccer star Billy The Fish. Nobody knows if this is true but the style was popular among professional soccer players before their pay became inflated enough to attract girlfriends from among glamour models, soft porn actresses and girl band members all of whom hired decent stylists for their blokes. Now mullets are only found among people whose homes have more wheels than their car.
Next look at those "lights-are-on-but-there's-nobody-home" eyes. These are the eyes of somebody born to wear check shirts and eat pork scratchings. To allow one's daughter to marry a man with negative IQ eyes like that is bad, to encourage such a wedding is unforgivable.
Finally examine the chin. Note the wispy hairs. This is the chin of somebody not smart enough to know he's too immature to grow a beard or to have worked out how to buy shaving tackle. No chance of him having figured out how to buy condoms then.
It is no surprise that Bristol Palin had sex with this guy, many young girls delude themselves that relatives of Bigfoot can be humanised through the love of a good woman. What is surprising is that her Mom, a woman with political ambitions whose career path may lead to her wrestling with climate change the way she wrestles with Polar Bears did not shoot him on sight to prevent him polluting the gene pool. Obviously we cannot trust Palin's promises that she will fight to preserve the environment.
And finally what was Palin thinking in naming her daughter Bristol. In a worldwide forum like the web someone; not me I would not stoop so low but someone, is bound to point out that in Britain we have a thing called rhyming slang. Barnet Fair, abbreviated to Barnet, is hair; cobblers awls, abbreviates to cobblers and means balls (if you want to tell me this post is a load of cobblers I'll be happy to see you learning so quickly) and the famous soccer team Bristol City abbreviated to Bristol is - well I'm sure I don't have to spell it out.
What kind of person would name their daughter "titty"?
Boggart Nework News concludes its argument. We think we have proved Sarah Palin is a bad mother.
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Comments: 17
Get a clue.
The...erm...the post was not mean to be taken seriously. Its a satire of the attacks on Sarah Palin. Its what I do, I'm a comedy writer. A British Comedy writer - we don't do politically correct as it sterilises debate.
But if you say "leave the kids out of it," do you say the same to Sarah Palin who brought them into it in a very cynical way?
Mullets have traditionally been popular with ice hockey players? That tells us all we need to know about ice hockey really.
But as for there being nothing else to do in Alaska excepy play Ice Hockey, there are loads of things to do if people have a little imagination. They can move to Seattle, move to Toronto, move to LA, move to Australia etc...
Doesn't take much imagination to get knocked up. In fact, it seems to be part of the genetic makeup of that family.
They need people in Alaska - and nobody in their right mind would move there. So I guess they ban nightclubs and rock gigs to encourage procreation. There's not a lot of life in Northern Sweden but the girls there seem to manage not to get a bun in the oven until a good few years after the menarche. And by that time they have moved to Stokholm where there is plenty to do.
How great is the nightlife in Stockholm? Well it nearly killed me, literally :)
The Palins only had to utter one short sentence in response to that fake pregnancy story, "Prove it," and the kids would never have become involved.
I've heard the mullet referred to as "hockey hair".
When those of us who like to laugh all get to Hell the place will be bangin'
I wouldn't say I understand anything, I just do the jokes. I have years experience at that.
I wish Obama supporters would learn to giggle when I make joke about him instead of trying to tell me he walks on water and his farts smell of perfume :)
My post on his Irish ancestors was truly surreal.
Thanks
When I look back at pictures of when I was 18 - Whoa! I'm sure glad I wasn't in the world's spotlight then!
Kat