O'Bama Tries To Grab The Irish Vote

An exclusive story from the Irish office of International news giant Boggart Network News 

Indonesian Keyan Multi-national American Presidential candidate Barry O'Bama, panicking perhaps because the widely predicted post-convention bounce has been smaller than anticipated seems to be planning to exploit his newly discovered Irish ancestry in the hope it will help recover some of the ground lost throughout August.

O'Bama must win the big North Eastern industrial states, New Jersey, Ohio and Pennsylvania if he is to have any hope of securing the Presidency. All these states have a strong Irish cultural heritage so it should come as no surprise that O'Bama who has demonstrated many times his willingness to jump on any passing bandwagon has suddenly discovered some Irish antecedents.

It seems his great great great grandfather Paddy O'Bama, a humble potato herder at the time of The Great Famine had a dream of one day owning his own potato and in pursuit of this goal set off to make a new life across the ocean and live The American Dream.

Boggart Blog's Irish correspondent Pogue Mo'thoin* managed to trace a relative of the candidate sill living in Ireland and sent us this interview:

Pogue Mo'thoin:
Fintan O'Booze, thank you for agreeing to talk to Boggart Network News.

O'Booze:
It's a pleasure sor, so it is but Oi can't talk much, My mouth's like a Mummy's belly button so it is.

Pogue Mo'thoin:
OK ye culchie poltroon, expenses will run to a pint of Guinness. What can you tell us about the candidate?

O'Booze:
What can Oi tell yez? Aren't Oi his fourt' cousin t'ree toimes removed? What can't Oi tell yez about him.

Pogue Mo'thoin:
Well I'll be happy with what you can tell us.

O'Booze:
Well sor, dat's a lovely point by der way, but Oi'm sure dey gave yez short measures. Sure it's almost all gone already. Well sor, yer man Barry O'Bama, sure we're all proud of him so we are. He's a credit to Ireland. Course we lost touch wid dat soide of de family. But we all had fait' in ol' Paddy. You moight t'ink every Irish potato herder in de famine had a dream of goin' to Americy and by hard work and enterprise one day owning his own potato, but once Paddy had set his moind on something there was no stopping him. (cough, cough, bejaysus but isn't my t'roat' getting dry again... another point sor, that's handsome of you, so it is.

Pogue Mo'thoin:
So that's the story of the O'Bamas in America? I thought Barry's father was African.

O'Booze:
Right so, Barry's pa did go to Americy from Africy on account of him being Irish. See he got drunk in Liverpool and got on der wrong boat. No sor, owld Paddy was not African certainly not, der family got dere skin colour on account of owld Paddy falling into a vat of hot molasses while workin' on his great invention der sweet potato.

Pogue Mo'thoin:
He invented the sweet potato. He must have made a fortune.

O'Booze:
Right so sor, but he spent most of it on der fast women and  der slow horses. Der rest he just frittered away. He died penniless sor, tis a tragic story so it is.

Pogue Mo'thoin:
Fintan O'Booze thank you for talking to us. have you a message for your long lost cousin?

O'Booze:
Oi have sor, Oi'd loike to ask him can Oi have a bedroom at der front when he gets his hands on dat big white house.

 

*Pogue Mo'thoin (Pogue mo thoin) means kiss my arse in Erse and Gaelic.