by Chana M.
Member since:
June 6, 2008

What Do I Do Now?

August 30, 2008 05:39 PM EDT (Updated: May 31, 2009 01:12 AM EDT)
views: 74 | comments: 23

What do I do now?
Your feelings are just so much more important than mine,
So I am told.
What do I say now?
These Xanax calms help, but for how long?
What do I think now?
I have already given up my dream for the needs of another.
I gave up the passion I loved more than life itself
I was the passion they said was the best.
Do I love you?
I am not sure of the answser to that question.
Is it possible?
Yes.
What do I do now?
Go back to a life stunted:
No passion
No intimacy
No talks until dawn about the mystery that surrounds us
a roomate in another's clothing
Do I stay here or do I go?
Which is the better road for me to pursue.
You gave me myself, back for a very short time
the hopes, the dreams, the quickness of mind
It all came back to me
Was it just a dream?
And then you moved away with a frightening brio
the vivacity has left my eyes
I am alone
You have the support you need, you desire
I offered myself to you
obviously not enough
I am alone
So what would you have me do now
Oh writter of form letters
what do you suggest?
Do you think you are special?
That only you have felt pain in your life?
True friendship requires communication
You have none for me
This must have been what Robert Johnson felt so long ago at that crossroad
What do I do now?
Do I stay here or do I go?


© JACM 30 May 2009

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Comments: 23

♠~Dnbuster~♠ ~. Aug 30, 2008, 5:46pm EDT
:)
Esther IS Flesh and Blood S. Aug 30, 2008, 5:48pm EDT
Wow Chana, it certainly seems as if you are in a quandary and would not want to be wearing your shoes right now for anything. The feelings that you write of seem so raw and coarse in all of its simplicity. Of course you know better than anyone that it really isn't so simple after all is it??

I hope that your confusion and pain dissipate soon or at least that you and your friend can communicate on this matter.

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~E
Rose H. Aug 30, 2008, 5:49pm EDT
That cross road - that flash of awareness, it's the first step.

Time for retreat, time for reflection or action - the choice is always up to us - in that we are alone.

Being alone can be a good thing - for how else will you learn what you need to learn and move on.
Vic Needs Coffee Aug 30, 2008, 5:53pm EDT
Very powerful.
Sherrie H. Aug 30, 2008, 5:57pm EDT
You're in my thoughts... been there.
Karen E. Aug 30, 2008, 5:59pm EDT
Would it be ok to wait for a bit? I find that the decisions I feel I must make when I feel like you do right now, are not always the most helpful. Wait? Perhaps while you are waiting we can be just a small bit of ok for you. Definitely not as good but maybe just ok. We love you very much Chana and ache with your ache. Actually, I want to come and kick someones a** for making you hurt. Oh, that's that old friend/sister/mother/grandma kind of me that occasionally appears to kick a**. I love that you are writing. Something broke loose didn't it?
Tracy Fabre Aug 30, 2008, 7:01pm EDT
karen speaks wisely -- wait just a bit, see if you still feel at the crossroads (for you, not him) -- and you'll know what to do (for you, not him).
John Doyle Aug 30, 2008, 7:12pm EDT
I say again, keep writing. You are letting the pain and the poison drain out of you. thank mGod that you can write. When I lost my wife, a friend I adored for 53 years someone said, you will never get over this but you will get past it. You have great courage to write as you do. Keep writing
Lisa Frost Aug 30, 2008, 7:17pm EDT
My friend and inspiration, you have already handled far more greater than I would have. You are writing, and it is moving, intense and very painful that is obvious. There are many who want to help you, and like Karen, the sister in me wants to kick somebodies butt for you, but I would just pass out and what good would that do? lol I also know that there is nothing I can do but show you that I am here for you in any way I can be. Find your strength to be you on your own is what people tell me. I don't know if that is a helpful thought to you, it certainly never did much for me. Maybe that is why I am still alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.
libramoon C. Aug 30, 2008, 7:25pm EDT
If you feel defeated,
lost, alone without comfort
unheard, unseen, unrequited
leave this arid wasteland
that never was your home
Shelbia C. Aug 30, 2008, 7:45pm EDT
This is a deep one. I like it.
Anne W. Aug 30, 2008, 8:05pm EDT
Very well written...
Anne W. Aug 30, 2008, 8:05pm EDT
Thank you for posting to Point Whore! Wishing everyone many, many points!
Ron B. Aug 30, 2008, 10:00pm EDT
ouch, well written...
**AngelEyez** a. Aug 31, 2008, 12:24pm EDT
Very nice

Thank You for posting to tryingfor3000.gather.com
Dan H. Sep 1, 2008, 12:32am EDT
Thank You For Posting To:
http://friendsofdanh.gather.com.
Our goal is to help you further your exposure and to support other gather members.
DIANE D. Sep 2, 2008, 4:21am EDT
Chana, It feels like I wrote this! So many of my feelings here!
Rachael G. Sep 2, 2008, 10:34am EDT
Chana, as my very wise mother told me so many years ago, nobody can "make" you feel a certain way. Only you can choose to feel that way. She usually said this when I told her she made me mad, but I have found that it works well in any situation. Good luck in your decision. I hope that you choose the one that helps you feel good about yourself and your life.
Patricia J. Sep 2, 2008, 2:13pm EDT
Chana, this is a great poem full of anger, of passion. I hope you can work out what you are going through right now and be better for the hurt. I wish you luck and joy.
Austin Cushing Sep 6, 2008, 5:11pm EDT
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached at least five votes and over 8.0 average rating, and as such has been removed from Rating Resurrectionists! Congratulations, and check out this week's Help My Rating!
Diane "stormyz" B. Oct 4, 2008, 12:50am EDT
Here's a 10 for you!! Thank you for posting this to the Gimme 10!!! Group



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Diane "stormyz" B. Oct 4, 2008, 12:51am EDT
I agree, very powerful indeed. Great writing.

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