Confessions of a Cathlopalian on abortion.

No one like me who grows up half Roman Catholic and half Episcopalian will ever take abortion lightly.  After all, we Roman Catholics are supposed to be against a whole list of things which include the death penalty, pro-choice medical options, adultery, birth control, divorce, pedophilia, homosexual acts, same-sex marriage, atheism and anything else that involves pleasure-crafting with the collective genitalia. 

Funny, it has not stopped most of us from doing whatever we want, which is an atittude that continually irritates the Vatican.  Yes, we Americans are out of control.  They find us 'independent-minded', or less politely stated, rebels without a conscience.

Except for the political differences I have with my own half-kind, I love Catholics.  We are wonderful people really.  Many of the great recovery programs and charities and hospitals are managed by the Roman Catholic church, and the Catholic School system is one that has educated a great number of very successful Americans, including my own children. 

Catholicism isn't that rigid all the time either.  We are supposed to believe the purpose of sex is procreation and practiced within the joys of marriage in some sort of sacred way, unless, of course, we have enough connections to get a convenient annulment when we need one.   I think you have to donate at least a few pews to your parish to pull that one off, but most Catholics will still take communion anyway.  It is a rare priest who will kick you off the altar unless your fellow parishioners complain openly, which would be very un-Catholic.

There are some marriages that involve abuse or coersion and these people will be allowed to divorce even if they are prevented from remarriage.  Then again, there is the celibate priest issue, which is totally Catholic and a not Biblically-inspired religious law. Rather it became a practical issue the church set up during hard financial times so that there wouldn't be so many little priests' kids and old wives to support.  I just feel sorry that anyone is compelled to suppress one of the pleasurable parts of adult life, particularly when that part isn't fattening and doesn't require fossil fuels to operate. 

Please don't misunderstand me.  I may no longer consider the Pope or the local priest a necessary intermediary between me and God, but I still admire those who chose a non-secular life.  The profession of spiritual guide is one that is greatly underpaid right along with teachers, caretakers, secretaries, writers, artists, mothers, fathers and musicians. It seems that the 'joy' of this kind of work must be considered  payment enough, as the wages certainly do not reflect the commitment, education, stamina or energy required.

So how do I really feel about abortion?  When I was violently raped in 1975 by a stranger, I asked myself that very question.  Could I abort a child if I became pregnant from that assault?  Could I lovingly raise a child whose father was a rapist?  Would my family understand or accept my decision or the child?  I recovered physically long before I recovered emotionally, but even then I knew that I could never abort my own child regardless of the other half of parentage. 

Fortunately, like 95% of all rape victims, I did not become pregnant.  Had I been among the other 5%, however, I would not have aborted the child as I  could not have lived with that decision.  I have always loved children and was unmarried and childless at that time.  It would have made my life into some sort of disaster, but I knew if I had to raise a child alone, I would survive somehow.  Then again, I didn't understand how hard life was or the meaning of a few dividing cells.  I was an emotional, romantic young woman and that kind of real science held no interest for me.  I preferred to believe what my church told me and what my mother had drummed into my head. 

"Your grandmother gave herself five abortions and then my brother died and she thought God was punishing her.  She was an Irish Catholic and she knew it was wrong.  She never forgave herself, became an alcoholic and after being sick for 11 years, she died of cancer at 38." 

Let's face it.  That was quite a grisly end for a beautiful green-eyed redhead who orphaned her only remaining child during my mother's first year of college.  Years later my mother would counsel a young family friend quite differently.  "Why would I want to take care of your baby?  I had five of my own and that was more than I ever wanted.  If you're smart you'll get an abortion.  No one else is going to babysit for you and you have to work."  That young woman did get an abortion, as she felt she had no choice.

Yes, I would not want an abortion and do not need laws that protect my right to one.  Still I am 100% pro-choice.  Yes, that is correct.  Even though I was raped and could have been pregnant, I knew that I would not abort that child.  On the other hand, if my sister, my daughters, my granddaughters, your daughters or my neighbor became pregnant and wanted to get an abortion, I would never have the arrogance to judge them. 

Instead, I would be sad that they were in that position.  I would also go with them and hold their hand if they asked.  Why?  Because NO woman gets an abortion without great personal suffering and struggle over her decision. 

I also believe a few cells are NOT a baby.  Yes, there are many who believe that life begins at conception, others who believe life begins at birth and others who point at something in between.  Perhaps if pregnant girls and women were given societal support after they have the babies, I would have a different viewpoint, but the way it is now?  I could not possibly commit to forcing these women to continue their pregnancies because of my beliefs or because I think they should.  I am not delusional.  As I am sure many have said before me, if I did have the audacity to judge them, who the hell would I have to think I was?

For those of you who truly believe no one should get an abortion, the rest of us can offer that we agree they should be limited and rare.  The two-part question then becomes (1) how can we work together toward this goal, and (2) how can we show support for those mothers who allow their pregnancies to come to full term? 

Here are some of my thoughts:

Let's look at other countries and how they deal with it.  Sweden and other European countries have very different policies based on a declining birthrate, but good policies just the same.  They give women medical services both pre and post-natal, and they help them with the expenses of raising their children that first year of life.  This is not only good for society, but great for the bonding of infants and mothers.  Also, there are fewer teenage pregnancies in Europe, and much less teenage sex.  Why?  There isn't the same 'sex sells' obsession as there is here.

Children should have the medical services and access to education and birth control, including condoms to protect against disease, which they do not have now.  Knowing how to drive a car and use the brakes doesn't create underage drivers.  Our God-given nature makes us want to mate whether our bank accounts, education and maturity are ready.  Chaperoning and keeping the kids busy will work with the majority, but there will be some who are hornier-than-hogs.  They are the ones with the earliest maturity perhaps or just the most testosterone.  They are not bad kids, they are merely precocious sexually the same way we have our little academic geniuses and junior Olympians. 

Ask any pediatrician, and they will tell you there are a million masturbating toddlers out there, and some of them keep right on going into their teens and others for life.  The human body is what it is, folks.  The difference is that a sexualized 12-year-old is going to take risks and some of them will reproduce without intelligent and considerable intervention.

Okay, so those of you who think I am crazy, here's some more for you to judge.  If you really do not believe in abortion, help these young women who get pregnant.  Turn those extra bedrooms you have into housing for these girls, or if you don't have an extra bedroom, give one your bedroom and sleep on the sofa bed.  If you really mean what you say.  When you tell me how many pregnant teens or young women are living with you, I'll show some respect.

Now for the rest of you who think abortion is criminal.  Were you abused as a child?  Were you born to a fourteen-year-old mother?  Did you ever know your sixteen-year-old father?  Were you abandoned by them both and brought up by your aged grandparents?  If you are the child of a teenage parent, did you become a teenage parent?  Were you able to get an education?  Were you molested by your mom's live-in who supported both of you? Were you as loved as you deserved?

Until we really take care of the children who are already here, I will vote pro-choice. When our orphanages close down because we don't need them anymore, there are no more foster parents who take in children merely to increase the household income, and there are no more abused kids showing up at schools where the administrators don't turn their parents in because they'd lose half their enrollment monies... then I'll fight against abortion. 

When I do not see children with rotten teeth in kindergarten, the term latch-key kid becomes obsolete, I don't see nine-year-olds abused by their mom's new boyfriend, and these young women can finally make enough money to support their kids without resorting to serial monogamy or prostitution or drug dealing for the rent... then I'll fight against abortion.

And when a woman soldier doesn't need to worry she'll be gang-raped by her own battalion members who are her back-up the next day?  And the sexual predators who molest, abuse and rape one out of every three women in this country - and God only knows how many children - get sent to prison for life?  Then I will fight against abortion.

Until then, my friends, I must agree with the pro-choice advocates who respect women enough to allow us to make choices about our own bodies.  Especially the choice to keep one's baby, because let us not forget that is a choice as well.