My Florida Vacation

Ahh...Disneyworld.

Want some tourist advice about Disneyworld? DON'T GO THERE DURING THE SUMMER!

But Bill, why not go to Disneyworld during the summer?

Two reasons:
1. Because Disneyworld is in south Florida.
2. Because that's when the rest of the world goes to Disneyworld.

Yeah, so? South Florida is already hotter than Brad Pitt's ass during other times of year, but during the summer it's so hot it shouldn't be legal. Not to mention all the tourists. No...not just tourists...foreigners! I'm not talking about 70's hair bands, either! Friggin' foreigners everywhere.

Every ride we tried to get on had a minimal one hour wait. And half the time you spent waiting in line is out in the weather. Direct sunlight! Argh! We got a 'fast pass' for one ride at Animal Kingdom, then we only had to wait 30 minutes. Every other ride was a 60-90 minute wait. If you were in a wheelchair, you get to cut right to the front of the line. I'll have to remember that next time.

I will admit that we did get to ride some cool stuff. I think my favorite of them all was the Test Track at Epcot. The Expedition Everest ride at Animal Kingdom was pretty cool, though not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I was very disappointed by the Toy Story shooting ride thing at Hollywood Studios, mainly because I had to wait two hours to ride it. Screw that.
 
In a nutshell, I spent two whole days at Disneyworld and visited Animal Kingdom, Epcot Center, and Hollywood Studios. Between those three parks, I rode less than 10 rides. The average ride length is 3 minutes. So basically I spent two days of walking around in the intense Florida heat, sweating so much that I was drinking not-cold-enough Dasani just to feel it come right out my pores, eating overpriced food, and developing a mild 'irritation' in a place I don't liked to be irritated, all to get about 30 minutes of enjoyment. I want my money back!

On a side note, we saw two chicks fall down drunk in the middle of the street in the Canada section of Epcot. Canadians, man, I swear. They ruin everything. (Just kidding).

My wife and I last went to Disneyworld for our honeymoon in late October 2005. At the time, hardly anybody was there. We literally walked right onto some of the rides. I think that spoiled me big time, because going back this summer was more akin to physical torture than any kind of fun vacation.

In conclusion, I still think that Disneyworld and all the parks are fun, but during the summer they're miserable. I won't ever do that again.