A Fresh Perspective

"So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ-that's where the action is. See things from his perspective."---Colossians 3:1-2 (Message)




"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."---Alexander Graham Bell




OK, this is probably going to be one of the oddest praise reports I have ever shared, but at the same time, for me personally, it's also one of the most profound. Awhile back, I sent out a devotional about not just being "available", but being "open" when it comes to God and his blessings, but I want to take a moment to share with you more than just verse 17 of this prayer found in Psalms 119:9-24 (Message):




"How can a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your Word. I'm single-minded in pursuit of you; don't let me miss the road signs you've posted. I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart so I won't sin myself bankrupt. Be blessed, God; train me in your ways of wise living. I'll transfer to my lips all the counsel that comes from your mouth; I delight far more in what you tell me about living than in gathering a pile of riches. I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you, I attentively watch how you've done it. I relish everything you've told me of life, I won't forget a word of it.

Be generous with me and I'll live a full life; not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road. Open my eyes so I can see what you show me of your miracle-wonders. I'm a stranger in these parts; give me clear directions.
My soul is starved and hungry, ravenous!- insatiable for your nourishing commands. And those who think they know so much, ignoring everything you tell them-let them have it! Don't let them mock and humiliate me;
I've been careful to do just what you said. While bad neighbors maliciously gossip about me, I'm absorbed in pondering your wise counsel. Yes, your sayings on life are what give me delight; I listen to them as to good neighbors!"

As a writer, I got my start in poetry and so I have always loved how David (and/or certain translators of his work) could turn a phrase:

"I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart so I won't sin myself bankrupt."

"I'm a stranger in these parts; give me clear directions."

Whew, it doesn't get any better than that! That's why if you're a parent/teacher/mentor and you have a child in your intimate space that professes having a desire to be a poet, writer, artist, don't shut him/her out. Many a soul has been reached through the power of poetry and prose! (Proverbs 15:23) I may be biased in saying that, but it doesn't make the resolve any less true.

Anyway, it has amazed me how much taking Philippians 2:12 ("...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling) seriously has changed my life. By spending my own time in the Word, I have come across words that I never really noticed (or was taught about) before: "open", "relax", "addict" and especially "brought". As a single woman, that one word has totally altered my way of thinking because it has changed the way I receive single-living and some of the non-biblically-substantiated stuff I've been told/taught about the lifestyle:




"And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.'"---Genesis 2:21-23 (NKJV)




Brought: to carry, convey, lead, or cause to go along to another place; to carry as an attribute or contribution; to lead or force into a specified state, situation, or location; to get the attention of; attract; to cause to become apparent to the mind; recall; to cause to recover consciousness; to present, produce.




Now, it's one thing to want something. It's something entirely different to want it, praying that it is a part of God's PERFECT will for your life (Jeremiah 29:11, Ecclesiastes 3:14). No longer do I want to receive my life mate in the way that I think he should come or even people around me think he should. The only time you see perfection among humans in the Word is in the Garden of Eden. It doesn't say anything about Adam chasing the woman down or her coming up with elaborate schemes to get his attention. It says that when God thought it was right, he put Adam to sleep (out of his conscious state), took a rib from him, made the woman and then BROUGHT her to Adam. To bring her, she had to be, one way or another, somewhere else; not alone, but with her Creator.




I JUST LOVE THAT.




It has amazed me that since I prayed the prayer, "Lord, what's the hold up with my man?", he has brought me into deeper and deeper revelations about single living. One is that in Bible, you are only single, married, divorced or widowed. There are no tales of boyfriends and girlfriends up in there. Through trial and error, as well as observations of both single and married folks, I am coming to see that a lot of people can't enjoy the stage of marriage because they were never really and fully single. Sadly, they end up resenting it because, one way or another, they were always preoccupied with a relationship. It was a huge and embarrassing wake-up call for me when I realized that a single person is supposed to care about the things of the Lord (I Corinthians 7:32) and when I put anything in its place, it's a form of idolatry.(Exodus 20:3) The other revelatory thing about I Corinthians 7:32 is that Paul says that we, as singles, should be without care. When you are a healthy single and you make your relationship with God your top priority, one of the things he will reveal to you is that he will take on the things that you are concerned about:




"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."---I Peter 5:6-7 (NKJV)




Singles, he doesn't want us stressing ourselves out. This is supposed to be an awesome time in our lives. Something a very wise and, from where I sit, excellent mother told me (shout out to Trenay Bynum) not too long ago was that the reason why she can put the kind of focus/effort/energy that she does into her daughter is that she enjoyed all of her stages of life (nor did any of them bleed into the other). When she was single, she was single. When she was married, she was married. And then, when she and her husband planned to conceive Zeboreh Hannah, they embraced that as a new stage of life/living. Things were done decently and in order. (I Corinthians 14:40). Proverbs 15:22 tells us that without counsel, plans go awry, and Lord knows there is something to be said for planning. (Whole 'nother devotional) But, what I love about what she implied and the Holy Spirit has been revealing to me is that single living is not about sitting around, pinning away, waiting for someone to come along. Single living is a gift from God. This is a time when you can learn to love you completely (and have fun doing it!), so that you can begin to grasp what it really means to "love your neighbor as yourself". (Mark 12:30-31)




Note: Your neighbor would definitely include your future partner and you can tell how some people feel about themselves by how they treat the person that they are married to!




A few nights ago, I was watching the movie, "In the Land of Women" (Meg Ryan, Adam Brody). Meg Ryan played a married woman. As she was venting to Adam's character, she said something that caused me to rewind the film---a few times: "I don't want to look back over my life and wonder what part of it belonged to me."

Instantly, the Holy Spirit (John 14:26) took me to the following scripture:




"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."---I Corinthians 7:4 (NKJV)




Authority: the power to determine, adjudicate, or otherwise settle issues or disputes; jurisdiction; the right to control, command, or determine.




I wonder how many times singles (shoot, even married folks for that matter) have actually taken the time to meditate on those words. As a single person, sure God has authority in our lives (at least he should and does when you submit to his will), but other than God, once we become adults, other than those he puts in place to govern over us (Romans 13:1-2), we are free to do as we please. Our lives do belong to us. Some of us are so focused on what we don'thave (a form of envying, by the way---James 3:16), that we don't see the full joy in what we do. Now I understand why Paul was encouraging unmarried people and widows to remain single. He was someone who fully embraced what single living had to offer. He was someone who enjoyed not being under the authority of a spouse. He was someone who took marriage seriously enough to know that he didn't need to do it! (I Corinthians 7:8)




Now, I'm not all the way where Paul is. I still desire to be married someday, but the Message Version of Matthew 19:11-12 has given me some insight into why now is not (yet) the time:




"But Jesus said, 'Not everyone is matureenough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked-or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.'"




Mature: fully developed in body or mind, as a person; having reached a desired or final condition; Having reached the limit of its time; due.




It never ceases to amazes me just how complete the Word of God is. Christ himself said that not everyone is mature enough to be married. One definition of "mature" is to be "due". Gee, it gives a whole new perspective on Galatians 6:8-10 (AMP):




"For he who sows to his own flesh (lower nature, sensuality) will from the flesh reap decay and ruin and destruction, but he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in duetime and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.

So then, as occasion and opportunity open up to us, let us do good [morally] to all people [not only being useful or profitable to them, but also doing what is for their spiritual good and advantage]. Be mindful to be a blessing, especially to those of the household of faith [those who belong to God's family with you, the believers]."

In other words, when we are mature enough, if we don't lose heart, if we keep acting nobly (courageously; bravely; gallantly) and we don't relax our courage (the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery; the heart as the source of emotion), we will reap what we have sown TO THE SPIRIT. A lot of marriages are in serious trouble and/or didn't last because they didn't sow to the Spirit, but to the flesh and flesh brings forth death. Marriage is a spiritual thing. A man in his natural state cannot be prepared for what God has in mind in the spirit realm (I Corinthians 2:9 &14). That would include how to have a "in God's perfect will" union with his/her partner.




If you are single, yes, one definition of the word is "unmarried", but it also means that you are (or should be) "sincere", "undivided", "distinct", "individual", "unattached", "fancy-free", and "exclusive". Now, did you catch the word that I put in bold? When you are single, you are supposed to be undivided. What does the Bible say about a double-minded man?




"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in allhis ways."---James 1:2-8 (NKJV)




If you are not undivided (whole) now and you take marital matters into your own hands (Acts 1:7---Message), you will probably be and attract an unstable (divided) person; in at least one season, your marriage will probably be the poster child for spiritual bipolarity. How do I know? Because an unstable person is "inconstant", "wavering", "lacking control of one's emotions", "violently reactive", "fickle", and (wow), "decaying with relatively short lifetime".




The first biblical definition of love is patient, right? (I Corinthians 13:4) The Bible says that once patience (an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay; quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence) has done its job, that is when you will be perfect and complete. In other words, that is when you will be undivided. If you're impatient with the process that God is taking you through (so preaching to the choir here!), that is your first clue that you are not even close to being mature enough for marriage. If you can't wait on God, who is perfect, I don't know what would make you think you could wait on/for/with a person, a spouse who is not; not even close!




Which actually brings me to my praise report for the day.

Do you remember how I asked you all to pray that I get a new car? Actually, I have been praying this for about two years now, all the while reminding God (as if he needed it) of what he said in Psalm 84:11 (NKJV): "The Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." Granted, there are times when I have fallen off on the walking upright tip (Romans 3:23, I John 1:10), but most of the time I do my best and surely wanting a new vehicle can't be a bad thing, right?




Note: What I am about to share with you is why you have to remain open; you have to make sure that you are not tellingGod his will as opposed to askinghim because truly his ways are not our own (Isaiah 55:8-9) and our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9).




This week, I had to do...let's just say more to my car than I planned. Whether I was going to get a new car or not, if I wanted to drive today (Matthew 6:34), some things had to be taken care of. As I was getting axles and brakes fixed, I was asking my mechanic what he thought about the condition of my 1990 Honda. He said, "For it to be 18 years old, it's in really good shape. Your problems are not with your engine. They are cosmetic."




After unexpectedly blessing someone across the street from the shop (Matthew 6:2-4) while waiting for a fish sandwich, I came back and my mechanic said, "You know what? I'm glad we were talking about this. I can hook up up to get your car painted and it should cost no more than $200 or so."




Long week short, he made a call and I got my car totally repainted for $226! I know a part of it was because of the favor from my mechanic and the seed that I sowed into someone else's life that day, but here's the greater point of the message: Since having it painted (and boy did it need it!), I have had a different perspective on my car and my desire for a new one (although if you want to buy me one, I will certainly take it!). My issue wasn't so much that I didn't like the car I had. My issue was that I thought a new one would make me feel better about my current situation. The truth is, I've never had a new car, but I know people that do and they have their own set of issues/challenges/responsibilities. Rather than asking God to show me how to deal with my current status and then trusting that since God will withhold no good thing from me there must be a hidden blessing in it (like I don't have a note and I have to deal with very little engine upkeep, etc.), I was focusing on what I wanted rather than what I have.




But, when I decided to focus on nowand what God has entrusted me with in the now, little miracles began to manifest themselves...in the stage that I am currently in. For whatever reason, God doesn't think that I am mature enough to have a new car because if he did, I believe I would have it (Hebrews 11:1&6), but what he did do was provide a way to make this season, not just more bearable, but more fun. He made a way where I didn't have to feel embarrassed or self-conscious; where I didn't need to look at what the Joneses have.




Everyone who has seen my car since her new coat has said, "Wow, Shellie, it's doesn't even look like the same vehicle!" It is, but what has changed is my outlook on the situation. I am learning to take better care of it now and leave later up to my Father. Finally, I am trusting that God has provided what's best for me and I have decided to grow upand be a faithful steward of it. (Luke 16:10) Today is all I have. Today is all I will concern myself with.




My single state has revealed itself in a similar fashion. Sometimes it can be so hard being single (lonely nights, abstinent living, wearing a bridesmaid dress for the umpteenth time) that I want to just "throw it away" and get a new status: marriage. However, an immature (and sometimes spoiled) mind doesn't take the time to think about all of the different responsibilities that come with getting something new; the days when it can be just as hard to be a wife because a wife can't just leave when she feels like it, take a trip when she wants to, be alone on a whim---LIKE A SINGLE PERSON CAN.




What the Holy Spirit has been revealing to me over the weekend, is that just like my car, while it may seem like I've been "riding in this relational get up" for longer than I would like, getting a new relational state isn't going to fix what my real problem is: my lack of contentment. What made Paul trustworthy enough in God's eyes to write so much of the New Testament? I believe a huge part of it is what he said in Philippians 4:11-13 (NKJV):




"I am not telling you this because I need anything. I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have and with everything that happens. I know how to live when I am poor, and I know how to live when I have plenty. I have learned the secret of being happy at any time in everything that happens, when I have enough to eat and when I go hungry, when I have more than I need and when I do not have enough. I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength."

God can trust you when you are in a state of contentment.




There's a great chance that nothing would have taught me this lesson like my old Honda would have and the lesson is great. Rather than pinning away over a wedding ring, how about I give my hands a pedicure? Rather than crying on my bed sheets about having no one to cuddle with, how about I get some new ones? Rather than waiting on a dream honeymoon, how about I take a trip where I can do what I want when I want (relatively-speaking), because that is what single people do! That is the perk/plus to this stage of life.




So, if you are single, this week, ask God to give you a fresh perspective on things and to show you your true motive in wanting what you don't have. When it comes to wanting and not getting, the Word is pretty clear:




"Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you. You want things, but you do not have them. So you are ready to kill and are jealous of other people, but you still cannot get what you want. So you argue and fight. You do not get what you want, because you do not ask God. Or when you ask, you do not receive because the reason you ask is wrong. You want things so you can use them for your own pleasures."---James 4:1-3 (NCV)




Ask, and then be open to what he wants/says/leads. As for me, as I ride in my newly painted car, I am going to stop asking for a husband and start asking for maturity while I learn, for the first time, to kick it in the gift of my single state! One that he gave me, right now, for his reasons and his purpose because he knows, for me, what's best. And that's always a good---the best thing.




"But earnestly desire the best gifts. And yet I show you a more excellent way."---I Corinthians 12:31 (NKJV)




©Shellie R. Warren/2008