Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.