MY LIFE THROUGH ADOPTION

I kept thinking, what would be interesting to my gather friends as my first article. After much thought, I decided on my life as an adopted person.

Even at 57 years old this whole process haunts me and I think about it every day. I can't seem to clear my mind of the questions. This is my story.

On July 4^th 1951 in Scranton Pennsylvania a little baby girl was born to an unwed mother. This mother had been sent to St. Joseph's home to have her baby. She must have been very scared to be by herself and going through this. That baby girl was me and I think about her everyday.

Three weeks after I was born two wonderful people adopted me. They were my mom and dad, and I never thought otherwise. As I got older about 6 or 7 they started to say things like, see that girl on TV, she is like you, she was chosen. We picked you out from a sea of babies and God helped us pick the right one. Of course I was too young to really grasp what they were saying, but I knew I was different.

Life was good and bad while I was growing up. They were wonderful to me and I could not have asked for more. They gave me the most fun birthday parties. I was born on July 4^th so my mom always made a birthday cake with sparklers coming out the top and everything was red, white and blue. I always had family and friends around me. Unfortunately, my parents were older when they adopted me and I never had brothers and sisters. But, I had lots of friends and they were always welcomed at our house.

As I grew older I started to realize that they were not my biological parents and what that meant. It was ok though; they loved me and took good care of me. Nothing else at that time mattered to me.

When I was 14, I got a babysitting job. I will never forget that Saturday night when I got the phone call. It was my mom telling me that my dad was being taken to the hospital. That he was crying on the floor and holding his stomach. What could it be I thought? My dad crying over a stomachache, that can't be. At that time we didn't have cell phones, so I had to wait for the people to come home to leave. When I got home my mom called and said that dad would have to stay in the hospital for tests. He never gets sick, what is going on now?  After two weeks in the hospital and many tests he had surgery to see what was wrong. He couldn't hold any food down. The doctors told us that he had to have most of his stomach removed because of cancer. He would never be able to eat solid foods again. He would have to eat only baby food. I was so upset that they let me sneak in to see him. At that time you couldn't go in unless you were 16, but a nice nurse let me in. That was the last time I saw him. He died on February 14^th 1966.

When I was 16 I graduated high school and went to work to help out my mom. It was tough but we did it. My mom had very bad arthritis and could only walk with two canes, so she couldn't work.

In 1971 I met my husband, and in 1974 we got married. My godfather walked me down the aisle. I missed my dad so much then. A year after we got married we bought our first home. My wonderful husband agreed to have my mom move in with us. I was pregnant at the time and had my son four months later. Everything was going smooth till my son was three and my mom died of breast cancer. Right after that I got pregnant with my daughter.

Now it is 1979 and I have two children. The thoughts start to swirl in my head. I don't know my medical history. My children don't have grandparents or aunts and uncles. I have to do something. Well life got in the way and before I knew it, I was turning 40 and the kids were growing up. Now it was time to do something.

My husband and I took a trip to Pennsylvania from New York. I found the home where I was adopted from and asked them to help. Times have changed and it was no longer a home for unwed mothers, but a home for disabled children. When I walked into that place all I felt was, how did she do it? I was frightened walking in with my husband and I was only there to ask questions. How in the world did this young mother walk in there and give her baby up?

The home only would give me non-identifying information. Like my weight, time of birth, that my mom and dad were Italian. My dad was in the service at the time of my birth, and that he refused marriage when he found out about me. Oh, yes and they told me the heights of my biological parents, so now I new why I was only 5'2". That was a start so now I wanted more answers. I asked them to try and find my mother. They said that they would send a letter to her last known address, but that was all they could do. We went back home without many questions answered.

Two weeks later, we got a letter saying that they found my mother. They spoke with her on the phone and she asked about me and if I was happy. They told her I wanted to meet or talk with her, but she refused. She said that she never told anyone about having given up the baby except her mom. She also requested that they not contact her again, but to tell me she thinks about me often and she is glad that I am happy.

I remember crying my eyes out reading that letter and my children hugging me tight. It was so hard. I felt like she rejected me twice.

I will be happily married 34 years in September 2008. My children are grown, have good jobs, and their own homes. But still the questions of my adoption still swirl in my head and I have come to realize, I will never have the answers.