"Mom, it's beautiful!" I twirled in my prom dress mom made from her wedding gown.
"You're beautiful Diane." She put her pearls around my neck. "Now you're perfect."
Derek came to the door with a creamy orchid corsage. Mom took our picture.
We danced every dance. Derek whispered in my ear. "I got us a room at the Hampton for later."
I pulled away, looking at him. "Derek, I told you I'm not ready."
"Well, I am. You want to stay popular?" He grinned.
"If that's the price, no, I don't." I turned and walked away.
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This story is a Drabble, 100 words, no more, no less, in response to a photo prompt, photo shown, Walking Away.
If you like this story you might like some of my other writings. You can find them at http://aries18.gather.com/.
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Comments: 69
"I twirled in the dress mom had remade from her wedding gown for my prom dress." Clumsy. I think you try to do much in this one sentence, an information dump. Watch where you drop had it. Often it can be cut for a shaper sentence. Maybe just reorder the sentence...
I twirled in my prom dress mom made from her wedding gown.
Your dialog is great, sharp. Good story, well told. Handles the prompt well.
whispered in my ear, (this could be a period) "I got us a room
Paidra, Karl is always right, I have found. ;o)
thanks all for your kind comments.
I call it "stacking.' We write our draft and 'stack' things in a sentence. When we proof-read it, we miss it because we're looking for punctuation, spelling and grammar errors.
When you're proofing your stuff, look at any sentence running on with a list of things. Chances are you 'stacked.'
And of course you can use 'my sentence.'
"No one owns a good idea" I think I said that.
RJ :o)
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And, I agree with Karl about the sentences.
But, otherwise, I was entertained, and I loved the moral at the end.
I believe there are a lot more girls out there with morals than one might think. But unfortunately the news is given about the ones that aren't. For instance, the story about those girls on the east coast who made a pact to get pregnant? Why wasn't there a story about all the other girls in that school who DIDN"T make a pact or get pregnant.
We hear so much about the kids who have or make problems but nothing about those kids who are living their lives without drama and doing what's right.
Thanks Sarah. I appreciate your comments.
Larry! Thank you for your comments!
Thanks all, I liked doing this one. I love doing a happy endings, once in a while. ;o)
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Good drabble, Wanda.
Thanks x 10
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