It has come to my attention that there’s a possibility the Beijing Summer Olympic Games are not real but a giant hoax, a calculated conspiracy. Also, due to some minor surgery, it’s more than a possibility I’ve been taking Vicodin for the past few days. These two points may be related.In the original Athens Olympics, the athletes competed naked, a factor that no doubt contributed to their high Nielsen numbers. However, they dropped the naked option after the Winter Olympic games in 1924 in Chamonix, France. You slide down an icy trail on a skeleton sled in your naked and see how you vote the next time the Olympic Committee brings up the matter of apparel. (The naked Winter Games experiment did, however, leave its mark: to this day, male luge and skeleton sled riders still lie on their backs rather than on their stomachs.)
Impressive as the opening ceremonies were, they were directed by Zhang Yimou, who is, yes, a movie director! If you saw “Crouching Tiger, Something’s Dragging” you know this guy can make you believe anything.
The opening ceremonies will end with the ceremonial lighting of the Olympic torch from another torch that has been carried throughout the world for the past four years, violating, in the process, the fire laws of 123 countries.
Back to the fake Olympics allegation, why does that seem so strange to you? Some claim we never landed a man on the moon and all of us remember being shown conclusive photographs of WMD activity.
Still skeptical? I have a clincher, a statement from an unimpeachable source that proves this Olympics is being faked: There will be more than 24 hours of Olympic TV coverage per day (the italics are from TV Guide). For you math-impaired readers this is more hours than there are in a real day! Greedy for that extra ad dollar, the networks have let their secret slip.
Naysayers may raise the question, why go to all the trouble of faking an Olympics event, besides the media’s dislike for hot weather and polluted air? The answer is the same as the answer to why half the population fakes the big O for the other half of the population: I don’t know.
Be honest now: how many of you know someone who actually went to the Utah Winter Olympics? Okay. How many of you know someone who’s ever been to Utah? AHA! Doesn’t that smell like a pinko, liberal, gay military establishment trick?
Hmmm. I see it’s time for my Vicodin.
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Comments: 220
(If you're really on drugs you won't have any problems with the previous two sentences.)
That's a brave thing you just did.
Hugs..
Wait, this is just a dream.. I'm not real..
Boo!
Did I scare you?
Ha, ha!
Something different.
Let's just see if the Chinese win any gold medals. Then we'll know for sure.
I do love watching the competition — faux or not :)
Especially when medicated.
the Olympics are not a hoax. The reason for the delay in viewing is because in case you havent noticed, CHINA IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD and they would be showing the events while people in the North America are in bed sleeping. that isn't very good for the ratings on tv.
the olympic flame is kept alive and is in a secure place. I viewed and learned this history when the Olympics were in Atlanta and we were on the torch route and saw it in a few places in our area.
The olympics are not a hoax.
GO BACK TO NAP TIME !
Plenty more at John's Humor.
Oh, BOO!
He, he!
You have bought the sports-military-industrial-car wash establishment's story, hook, line and stinker.
If the games were real they would be having them at night
a) so our athletes didn't have jet lag, which would be unfair
and
b) so the biggest TV market would get it prime time.
and
c) (There was a c but I forgot it.)
Seems like a big city mugging not connected with the Games.
Night, night buddy.
Wait, there are some pills missing.
they don't have you down for a refill on that prescription do they?
LOL....just kidding.
I watched a few of those little Chinese girls on the parallel bars and those chicks looked like they were like 8 yrs old. LOL
Byeee!
I do wonder, since tradition is very important and nudity is a must. Any logo can be tattooed on.
Tracey, take it from a bloke who is also on the other side of the world and who has the misfortune of getting it more or less live on Prime Time. It is far, far better edited and abbreviated. While I have nothing but repect for the athletes, two and a half hours of equestrian eventing and synchronised diving does not make for riveting prime-time viewing.
Hell, I'll even brave the vagaries of Gather's Ice instead of watching TV right now.
Hmm. Maybe I can go one better. John, pass the Vicodin.
BTW (if there really was a china - see my comment above - your name would look like this: ??)
Watch the gymnastics.........NOBODY'S body can do that stuff!
Many years ago, I hit a tree trying to avoid a 5ft tall squirrel.
I wonder how much they pay Olympic actors?
Now there's a good rationale for why the hoax, Yvonne.
I wonder if the same reason applied to the 2004 elections. "Who would vote for those candidates? No one, so why not fake the election."
Hmmm,
Vic, there can be no other explanation
William. I just knew it!
"since tradition is very important and nudity is a must. Any logo can be tattooed on."
Are you suggesting Olympic athletes are naked and their uniforms are tattoos?
Patricia, that's because we have the technology.
This is really virtual Vicodin so pretend you are swallowing.
Happy to be here, Donna.
You and the horse you rode in on, Robert.
There really is a China — just no Olympics.
"But Michael Phelps is real."
Sorry. I wish it were true.
Watch the gymnastics.........NOBODY'S body can do that stuff!"
More proof! Thank you Aunt Boni.
Robert, I do believe you are turning this hoax to your advantage.
(Mine are over in case anyone is interested)
That only happens in the living room, K D.
ANyway, California has moved since your horse was last here.
(going for a run)
The Olympics are just an illusion and we're all hallucinating; and you my dear sir are on drugs! ;)
As for the run, I'm out the door. Vicodin was so yesterday.
Works for me.