Junior the Cat Speaks Out!

Okay, for the few of you that do not know me, I am Junior, Carol's cat. When I was born, I had to contend with a houseful of cats. There was eight kittens and three adult cats. Let me tell you I never want to go through that anymore, anyhow, the kittens were given away except for me, and might I add, who could resist me?   Why nobody of course!

I still didn't like all those cats in the house, I didn't like Pearl and even Seti (my father), but I loved (Sheba) my mother , we played all the time.

Then guess what? Pearl had kittens. Okay so I did father them, but I didn't like them either, and after I had my way with Pearl I still didn't like her.

I just wanted my mother. Thank God all those kittens were given away, or I would have gone crazy I tell you! 

All of a sudden something weird happened.  Pearl went away for a day and came back, she was very sore, then my mother went away and came back and she was very sore, and then my father.

I didn't know what was up, but I figured I would be next.  I tried to hide when Steven my human father, my human mother’s son, came to get me and put my in that big cat prison that he used to take them away and bring them back.

I went to this strange place, and these humans did things to me, they gave me a needle and  doped me up. Oh the things they were so awful I cannot talk about it.  After it was over I was pretty sore.

I used to get these urges, you know well, at least you males will know, but I don't get them anymore. They did something to me to stop that.

Anyhow, I still didn't like all those other cats in the house especially my father, but I was lucky since some drunken friend of Steven came in one night and left the door open and Seti took off.  They never found him, and I was so happy.

Something good did come out of it though.  I got to smell the grass and play outside. I know it sounds weird, Seti gets lost and I get to go out and play. We were all going out by ourselves by that time, Pearl, Sheba, and me, and we all came home at night. My human family said Seti got lost because he was never allowed out and that we should learn to go out so we would know how to come back on our own. They got that idea from the man upstairs, his two cats went out and came home every night.  I never got to find out their names, they are snotty cats.  They think they own the neighbourhood just cause they were here first.  Big deal!

One day last summer, Pearl went out and she never came home, I was happy, I had what I wanted, just me and my mother, Sheba, to play with.  Just two black cats, not the mélange of all those other coloured cats. Oops pardon the French, I am from Montreal, so I know French and aren’t I good at it? Mélange, nice word isn’t it?  It means mix.

This winter something terrible happened. Sheba, my mother, my playmate, my friend got sick. She stopped walking, then she stopped eating, then she died.

I was so lonesome, but I got used to it and now I love it.

I don't want any other cat in this house.

Sophie is the cat next door, apparently some cat with six toes, did the dirty and I heard she had a litter of kittens.

I don't want any of these things in here, she better keep em all to herself. I will just have to go next door and have a serious talk with her. It took me years to get my house just the way I want it.

Oh let me backtrack here, Sophie had six babies only two didn't make it.

She has two cats with normal feet and two cats with six toes on their feet, what freaks I tell you!

At least my babies with Pearl were beautiful, even though I still didn't want them around me.

Anyhow back to my story, Sophie had one black kitten like her, her master wants to keep it because it has the six fricken toes and because it is black, well at least he has that part right.

Then she has two tiger kittens and a pure gray one. The tiger kittens are normal and the pure gray one has six toes

A few nights ago the man next door came in with a little tiger kitten, he wanted to show it to me. He wanted to see how I would react with it, and you know what I admit I was curious. I wanted to see what this little creep was all about. I stood up and I wanted to smell him. But the guy was afraid to let the kitten come too close to me. What did he think I was going to eat him? Okay, I have a bad reputation for fighting with cats, but this was just a little bit of a thing, and anyway I had my supper already.

Get this, the next night he came in with the gray one, the six toed freak!

He wanted to see my reaction to this one too.

What the heck is going on here? This time I didn't budge. I was not going to play his games. I looked at the little freak and then turned my head away.

The three humans Carol, Steven, and Leopold, were talking together and they said they didn't think that I would hurt a kitten.

Now I may be a cat but I am not stupid!

They showed two kittens but said, I wouldn't hurt a kitten. I am perfectly bilingual in cat language and this human language they call English with a little bit of French on the side.

It can only mean they are planning to bring one of those two kittens in this house to live, and it looks like them want me to decide which one I like the best.

I know mom is partial to the six toed freak because she said so. She also said something about a Hemmingway cat, though I don't know what that means.

At least the tiger is a normal cat, something I can relate to.

I am not going to help them out! If they can't decide which cat they want that is there problem. They have me so why do they need another cat anyway!

So Carol, my human mom, did say to ask all my fellow cat friends in cyber space which kitten I should chose. I think it is okay if other animals answers, and yeah, I am a softie, you humans out there can answer too.

Here is my question.

Should mom take a tiger cat cause it is a girl and she wanted a girl, or take this Hemmingway freak cause she loves it because of its six toes, only it is a boy and she thinks I might fight more with a boy than a girl?

She did say she would get it fixed right away to stop the fighting so which should she take, remember, I did fight with cat's of both sexes and I always got in trouble. I had to stop.

Oh no, latest news flash the six toed freak is a girl. They are definitely taken that one!

The bloody nerve, I don’t even get to choose anymore!

I hereby testify that this story has been written by Junior the mistreated, unloved, unwanted, undesirable, but always gorgeous big black cat