Guys Vs. Girls : Communication Battles

Long ago, an easily distracted male friend of mine had trouble understanding why I found our email exchanges so frustrating.  He really could not see what I meant, or what my problem was, until I tried to encapsulate a typical exchange with him, as follows.

(I'm not saying this is typical of ALL men... but...)

Real-Time Conversational Equivalent Of E-Mail Exchanges Between Chris & Tracy

Chris:  "Hey!  My hair caught fire yesterday!"

Tracy:  "It did?  What happened?"

Chris:  (silence)

Tracy:  (silence, waiting)

Chris:  "Did you ever think about the difference between Republicans and Democrats?"

Tracy:  "Other than that Republicans are slightly more evil than Democrats, no. What happened to your hair?"

Chris:  (silence)

Tracy:  (silence, waiting)

Chris:  "My mom wants to be an astronaut."

Tracy:  "That's interesting.  How long has she felt that way, and WHAT ABOUT YOUR HAIR?"

Chris:  "This is an amazing song.  You gotta hear it."

Tracy:  (silence, tinged with growing frustration)

Chris:  "HEY!  Where are you??  I'm trying to TALK to you."

Tracy:  (through gritted teeth) "What happened to your hair?"

Chris:  "Huh?  My hair?  Oh... nothing.  Everything's fine.  But what's going on with you?"

Tracy:  (throws chair out window, but makes no comment)  "Oh, well, I just became Pretzel of The Month at K-Mart.  Won a free showercap.  And I'm getting my arm cut off on Tuesday."

Chris:  (silence)

Tracy:  (silence)

Chris:  "Did you say something?  Because I was listening to this song."

Tracy:  (sighing)  "What song is it?"

Chris:  "It's this awesome underground funkatronic half-rap half-country all-guitar piece written for the flute by monks in British Columbia who only speak Swahili, but can do inline skating like nobody's business.  You'd probably hate it."

Tracy:  "OK. What were you saying about your mom?"

Chris:  (silence)

Tracy:  (silence)

Chris:   "So what's new?  You never tell me anything about yourself."

Tracy:  (destroys apartment complex with bare hands) "Oh, you know.  Nothing special.  I've been elected Mayor.  Oh, and I'm going to Tanzania on a peace-keeping mission, armed only with analogies and parenthetical comments."

Chris:  "Cool.  I'm hungry.  Be right back."

Tracy:  (silence)

Chris:  (silence)

Tracy:  (silence)

Chris:  "Hey, what's going on?  My TV wouldn't work for twelve years and now it does!  What's up with that?"

Tracy:  "You mean you kept it around all that time when it didn't work?"

Chris:  "WOW!  It's 11 p.m here.  I gotta go so I can send you an email at three a.m. in a few days.  Take care!"

Tracy:  (forced to take human lives before resting)

It didn't solve our communication problems, but it amused me, and that was therapy of a sort.  If you have had similar experiences, I'd love to hear about them!