currency

I’m not the most humble person when it comes to my relationships.  I’m not saying I’m arrogant in relation to others.  Quite the contrary: I’m proud, maybe a wee bit TOO proud, of the fact that I hold my relationships with others in very high esteem.

That is, until recently.

I've had some recent disappointments in the kind of girls I know better than to be associated with.  The crazy thing is --- I didn’t even want to be acquainted with them, but by circumstance or whatnot --- I find I'm forced to be "friends" with them.

I am mostly to blame.  My current situation is a product of negligence: I didn't listen to my intuition or follow my instincts.  Foolishly, I make excuse after excuse for these girls and it tires me out.  I’ve decided to write this post because I realize it's not really about “them.”  It's about me fighting for me.

It’s hard.

But, if I don't fight HARDER for me --- this cycle of allowing girls like “them” to go about life without accountability is simply NOT acceptable.

Bottom line --- they're a dime a dozen.  What KILLS ME is that I KNOW THIS --- yet I'm still the sucker who wants to believe these particular coins are worth collecting / keeping.  It’s when I step aside after I recognize that no matter what I say or do, those I hold dearest to my heart find themselves falling for "them."

I do this knowing there will be shards of self-doubt I will have to extricate from my buddies’ backs.  Then provide the painstaking process of removing debilitating splinters of self-pity each time my “bros” attempt to get back in the game.

Don’t get me wrong --- I’m NOT a martyr. Just loyal to a FAULT. Until recently, I was proud of this fact.  That is, until I realized just how disloyal I was --- to myself.




A few weeks ago, some of those girls did annoying, awful and rather thoughtless things.  Here's the rub: I can't blame ‘em since I haven't held them responsible for ANY of their actions.

Look, it's not just one particular girl who is at fault.  There are a couple prime examples that have entered my life against my better judgment.  On their own, I would have NEVER given these gals the time of day.

So… what’s the problem?  Right?


It becomes a problem when I am forced to witness her chasing down one of my best friends.  It gets annoying when I have to scramble and do damage control to keep my best bud accountable by reminding him that GUY CODE is NOT OPTIONAL.  It goes beyond just being an issue when I have to stand by helplessly as his heart’s crushed.

Only to find myself reeling --- as the very same girl decides to jump ship (in LESS THAN two weeks' time) to another good buddy of mine.  I’m still soaking in her request to "hang out with [him] because too bad, [she doesn’t] go for [enter ethnicity, vocation, status of choice] guys or [she’d] totally go for him."

QUESTION # 1:  How the HELL does a GOOD FRIEND handle a situation like this?

So what I hear her saying is she just wants to be "friends" with m'buddy, right?  Riiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhhtttt.

It becomes a DEAL BREAKER, when my intuition decides to KICK MY ASS with an "I-told-you-so" the minute she decides to TEXT me:


Seriously?  What are we, TEN?!?!?  Ahem --- you DO realize that you not only broke my best bud's heart --- but that NOW --- you're asking me to play go between for ANOTHER buddy of mine.  ARE YOU INSANE!?!?!  It's no longer about my buddies.  It's now just plain disrespectful towards me.  Yes... ME. 

QUESTION # 2:  How do you "break up" with a friend you just don't like much anymore.

Like my intuition told me --- she's a guy's girl.  NOT a girl’s girl.  I didn't listen, and again, the rub: I can't blame her since I haven't held her responsible for ANY of her actions.




I’m certain that she knows who she is.  She’s a social chameleon with various looks, different speech patterns and plenty of personalities.

It dawned on me that she was not the first, though I hope she’s the last of many.  You know the type:  she’s a guys’ girl --- and ONLY hangs with guys.  Sure, she can chitchat with gals who are around, but she doesn’t keep other girls around.  A guys’ gal does NOT have a core group of great, solid girlfriends who can kick their ass and say: “WTF were you thinking?”

It’s not her fault.  Oh no, she didn’t know THAT would sting.  She would never mean THAT --- she was just kidding.  She didn’t mean any harm --- she was just having some FUN.  It’s not her fault that he FELL for her.

Problem is, she did do it.  She’s done it.  She’ll do it again.  AND AGAIN.  Why?  Because she can.  She’s never had to take responsibility for her actions --- since no ONE has held her accountable.  Myself included.

She has a name.  In fact, several names --- including ones that are preceded and followed by quite a few punctuation marks.  I warn my cousins, uncles and brothers against dating her.  I become MAMA BEAR when my buddies eyeball her.  I usually blackball her from any and every event that I’ve got a say in.

What keeps me steady in my resolve to write this particular post is that I will be sending it to quite a few “girls” that have broken GIRL CODE many times over.  Even if I have not been on the receiving end of their thoughtlessness or irresponsible behavior --- I have witnessed it too many times to keep count.

So I want to close this by paraphrasing what one of my “girls’ girl” wants all the “guys’ girls” to hear:

Yes, you’re pretty.  Yes, you’re this and that as well.  It’s not enough, though. Have respect for yourself, be a lady and stop flirting with every single guy in the room just because you can.  Have some self-control.  Other women being in the room does not give you license to flick on the competition meter.  Do you HAVE TO be the center of attention ALL the time?  Seriously, that’s unnecessary.  You’re 23, 29 or 34.  NOT 19!!!  No matter HOW little make-up, short the skirt or great the genetics.  Grow UP already!  You look in the mirror every day and it’s tells you the same thing.  So, start working on your personality.  You are NO longer allowed to play the CLUELESS card.  Being SHALLOW and SELFISH are not considered virtues.  Suffer for some substance.  Make some REAL GIRL as well as GUY friends that don’t just want to kiss your ass (both figuratively and literally).  Maybe, just maybe, one day you’ll grow character.



So why write this?  I invested MUCH more time than I bargained for: it took me away from more important things in life that I could have and should have concentrated on.  It was a big waste of time, if you were to weigh it's worth in the grand scheme of things.  So why send it?  It's part of paying off the interest accrued from bad investments. 

This KICKS my ASS. 

Simply because --- it's the marker I need to keep things in perspective.  IF I am ever tempted to doubt my intuition and instincts --- this "contract" reminds me they're vital forces in keeping me LOYAL --- to ME.