THE LEMON BASKET #483 AUGUST 8, 2008

THE LEMON BASKET: THE BEST & WORST OF THE WEB
#483 AUGUST 8, 2008
Copyright 2008 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://www.dimenno.gather.com/
francisdimenno@yahoo.com

GENOCIDE ROUNDUP

"Genocide is an attempt to exterminate a people, not to alter their
behavior."--
Jack Schwartz

In Rajiv Gandhi's constituency, Congress party workers raised a rather
telling slogan against his opponent and sister-in-law, Maneka Gandhi:
'Beti hai Sardar ki, qaum hai gaddar ki' (She is the daughter of a
Sikh, a community of traitors).
http://www.sikhsundesh.net/genocide.htm

"While African women in Darfur were being raped by the Janjaweed
militiamen, Arab women stood nearby and sang for joy, according to an
Amnesty International report....The chief said that the Arab women
also racially insulted women from the village: "You are gorillas, you
are black, and you are badly dressed."
http://www.aina.org/news/20060110110152.htm

But if Russia is to be part of this larger zone of peace it cannot
bring into it its imperial baggage. It cannot bring into it a policy
of genocide against the Chechens, and cannot kill journalists, and it
cannot repress the mass media. --Zbigniew Brzezinski

"You already know enough. So do I. It is not knowledge we lack. What
is missing is the courage to understand what we know and to draw
conclusions."--Sven Lindqvist, "Exterminate All the Brutes": One Man's
Odyssey into the Heart of Darkness and the Origins of European
Genocide
http://www.esterrepublic.com/Archives/djames3.html

THE STAND UP COMEDY ACT
Comedy clubs are a gulag for self-styled hipsters.

I've probably done over a thousand shows. At stand up places, at bars,
at rock venues, at colleges, and in front of rock-type audiences.

Cerebral humor does not work very well in bars and rock clubs. There's
something about the atmosphere of a bar or rock club that differs from
a stand up club.

And stand up is harder than it looks.

For those of you who aspire to take the stage for the first time, some
advice that was handed down to me by Meg Herbig, and which I now hand
down to you.

Start by working up five minutes of original material. Memorize it.
Practice it by writing large keywords on one or two sheets of paper.
Ten "bits" are plenty. No more than twenty. If you can get five good
laughs, you've done your job.

Bring those sheets of paper ("cheat sheets") to the gig and put them
where you can see them. They're your safety net in case you blank out.

How do you work up material? Stuff in the news. Stuff that happened to
you or somebody you know. Comics rarely tell jokes as such.

Comic bits generally turn on the unexpected. Here's a classic joke:

I was down south and my cousin Earl had this old hound dog who was
licking his balls.

[One beat.]

I said, "Gee, I wish I could do that."

[one beat]

Earl said,

[one beat]

"Get to know him first."

You definitely want a strong opening. Something clever and original
that also serves to alert the crowd that you're glad to be there and
looking forward to making them laugh. (When in doubt, something
physical, like a spit take, works wonders. "He told me I was supposed
to tell jokes. I said [swig from bottle] 'ptoo!'")

Then you work up some kind of connected narrative. Many comics wax
anecdotal. Wright's gimmick was stream of conciousness. Carlin was
much the same. But those guys had their game down perfect. You're not
going to even come close to them, even if you swipe their material.

To end, think of a stong closer. It's part of the comedic ethic to end
with a laugh. Many comics won't leave the stage until they do. For
your first time, a mild chuckle will do.

SEE:
THE COMEDY ACT, DECONSTRUCTED
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e15NGup4fvU&feature=related

1*SALUTATION
THE MICKEY MOUSE CONSPIRACY
Military
Industrial
Complex
Keynesian
Economic
Yoke
More
Of
United
States
Engulfment

2*REFERENCE
TAXES AS PERCETAGE OF GASOLINE PRICES, STATE BY STATE
http://www.rhodeislandgasprices.com/tax_info.aspx

3*HUMOR
"Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems."

I'm pretty sure George Meyer got that gag from somewhere else.

I knew George back when he was a Poonie, and those guys have a huge
humor library in that castle of theirs.

For instance, The Neurotic's Notebook.

The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain
way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The
Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

http://www.snpp.com/other/interviews/meyer00.html

4*NOVELTY
Super warriors, cloning, and alien genetic manipulation. This 40
minute video explains how I deprogrammed the leader of the cloned
super warrior army the government has been secretly producing for some
time.

The super warrior project was originally spearheaded by Nazi Project
Paperclip scientists and Brookhaven labs. The sophisticated mind
control technology was then perfected in the Montauk Project.

These super warriors where genetically engineered to have super human
abilities and psi abilities. They are meant to be brought out during
martial law. Andy Pero first reported of such experimentation. After
he managed to break free from his mind control handlers , he wrote
down his story which corresponds to what Nate Wilder has told me.

Because I deprogrammed Nate, the next generation model and their
clones managed to break free from the greys and their NSA mind control
programming. They since rebelled and destroyed much of the project.

http://www.myspace.com/bearish_123


5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
The Los Angeles City Council has approved a one-year moratorium on new
fast-food restaurants in a low-income area of the city.

In the UK, consumption of fast food and junk food has been linked to crime.

But some so-called "humanitarians" whine, "Boo hoo hoo. Why shouldn't
poor people be free to commit crimes?"

I say let's go the LA City Council one better.

Build more liquor stores and smoke shops in ghettos, the better that
we might swell our tax coffers and exterminate all the brutes. All
recalcitrant or non-productive tribes should be tortured, mutilated
and shot.

For if they are indeed among the "useless eaters" of the Reich, it is
most fitting and meet that they should be liquidated.

In fact, I think we should cut off the heads of the men and hang them
on the village palisades, also their sexual members, and hang the
women and the children on the palisade in the form of a cross.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25896233/

6* DAILY UTILITY
If MISS-ISSIPPI got NEW JERSEY's, what would DELA-WARE?
And if WYOMIN' started roamin' would MONTANA care?
IF TEXAS TOLD WHAT ARKANSAW, THEN WHAT DID TENNESSEE?
If you can answer that one, you're a better man than me.

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=35485
http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=3968

7*CARTOON
Final scene from THE MAGIC CHRISTIAN
"FREE MONEY"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ybQpfr2-1M

ALSO SEE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pGht71KFkY

8*PRESCRIPTION
SENSES WORKING OVERTIME
And all the world is football-shaped
It's just for me to kick in space
And I can see, hear, smell, touch, taste
And I've got one, two, three, four, five
Senses working overtime
Trying to take this all in.
I've got one, two, three, four, five
Senses working overtime
Trying to taste the difference
tween a lemon and a lime
Pain and the pleasure
And the church bells softly chime.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZxoVrfnU6Y&feature=related

9*RUMOR PATROL
SIRHAN ACTED ALONE?
http://www.crimemagazine.com/05/robertkennedy,0508-5.htm

1O*LAGNIAPPE
ROBERT NOVAK
He's a leader in his industry.

Of course, his "INDUSTRY" just happens to be defamation, as
self-confessed in the man's own autobiography.

Stalin was a leader in his industry too.

That said, although some smirking folk would attribute the man's
misfortune to karma, by doing so they are merely bringing the very
same bad karma down upon themselves.

We now learn that Mr. Novak has a brain tumor.

A waspish individual might be sorely tempted to ask how even doctors
are able to differentiate the tumor from the rest of his malignant
soul.

Ohhhh, he's a stinker from waaaay back.

He's kind of like the right-wing version of Alger Hiss. A poor man's
Pat McCarren.

And everybody--and I do mean just about everybody--kisses his ass.

Who else could you say that about?

Um...William Randolph Hearst, Walter Winchell, J. Edgar
Hoover...famously vindictive power junkies who knew were all the
bodies were buried.

Right wingers dote on him simply because he's inside their so-called
big tent, so he just happens to be pissing out.

He's a nice guy in person.

Believe me--that's no excuse.

Stalin liked dogs.

Anyway, check out the glowing encomiums to his self-serving book, and
see for yourself how frightened people are of this man:

http://www.amazon.com/Prince-Darkness-Years-Reporting-Washington/dp/1400051991/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t

11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF
OTHER MEDIA
20 NEW BOOKS I WOULD LIKE TO READ IF I HAD THE TIME (I MIGHT GET TO A
FEW OF THEM)
1. Fooling Some Of The People All The Time. Einhorn, David.
2. Good Guys And Bad Guys. Nocera, Joe.
3. The Wild Places. Macfarlane, Robert.
4. High Wire : The Precarious Financial Lives Of American Families.
Gosselin, Peter.
5. How To Get Rich. Dennis, Felix Dennis.
6. The Gridlock Economy : How Too Much Ownership Wrecks Markets, Stops
Innovation, And Costs Lives. Heller, Michael.
7. Giordano Bruno. Ingrid D. Rowland.
8. Stop Me If You've Heard This. Holt, Jim.
9. Slavery By Another Name. Blackmon, Douglas A.
10. Palace Council. Carter, Stephen L.
11. Rapture Ready! Radosh, Daniel.
12. Buying In: The Secret... Walker, Rob.
13. America Between The Wars. Chollet, Derek.
14. Slaughterhouse. Eisnitz, Gail.
15. The Pig Who Sang To The Moon. Masson, Jeffrey M.
16. History Play. Bolt, Rodney.
17. The Trillion Dollar Meltdown. Morris, Charles R.
18. Traffic. Vanderbilt, Tom.
19. The Dark Side. Meyer, Jane.
20. Iron Fists. Heller, Steven.

PLUS ONE I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO READ
Wacky Packages. [Abrams, Publ.]

388. CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE
PAST TIMES
CHURCHES
Park Place Congregational Church
Church of the Good Shepherd (burned by vandals in 1970)
Church of the Precious Blood
Little Rose Chapel
Quaker Meeting House
First Baptist Church
Harbor Baptist Church
United Brothers Temple
Our Lady of Fatima Retreat House
Trinity Chapel
Church of the Mission of the Holy Trinity
Old Stone Church
Amicable Congregation Church
The Church of Our Faith Is Our Strength
Graystone Primitive Church
Alliance Church
Assembly of God Church
Community Church