Designated Daughter: The Bonus Years with Mom -- a review

I come from a family, like many others, where the oldest daughter (or the wife of the oldest son) is presumed to be the designated caregiver. Our seniors will be independent, of course (or as independant as life allows them to be), all the while knowing they have a safety net "when the time comes". The family knows who holds this title. It isn't that great discussions have taken place ... everyone knows. When the time comes, others may want a say (or "control"), but everyday work will be completed by this one person.

I am the eldest daughter of eldest daughters. Grandkids can get away with so much, and if they have a relationship, can help relieve some of the stickier duties of the caregivers. I was priviledged to have this relationship with my grandparents and their siblings. A real advantage in many ways, I got an apprenticeship for the role. Perhaps that is why the title intrigued me ...

Designated Daughter: The Bonus Years with Mom
by D.G. Fulford with Phyllis Greene (Hyperion)
Published: April 1, 2008
ISBN: 9781401322395

DG Fulford and her mother, Phyllis Greene present a wonderful gift to the "designated daughter" community. This book chronicles how later years, even in difficult times, can be opportunities for a meaningful, joyful, productive relationship.

Not everyone will have, or want, to become "girl friends" with a mother. Let's face it, not all personalities allow it. One of the great bonuses of this book is the story of how this develops between DG and Phyllis. Their choice to pursue this course is, probably, something I would not have considered in tandem as the caretaker role begins. Then, perhaps, it is easy to underestimate how willingly we care for friends without reservation ... without calling it a chore ... and how much that could influence the dynamic as the parent becomes the dependant.  Both women, throughout the book, talk about how this eases (and complicates) the relationship ... and how they are also fulfilled by it.

This book is a gracious balance between reality and humour, joy and sorrow, the present and the past, and the many education(s) in our lives. And coming into this time, what more can we ask than to move forward with grace.

Some links --

DG Fulford on Gather

Buy the book:

on Amazon
on Barnes & Noble

Reading Group Guide (a downloadable pdf) at EveryWomansVoice.com