Eye witness

The man is staring in horrified dumbness, his hands clutched on the steering wheel, his whole body a petrified mass of shock. He’s looking straight through me, and I can see the reflection of my seemingly sleeping best friend into his murderous eyes.

“Go, you dumb skull!” She slaps him over his head, twitching his arm. “Get off, you filthy beast” she shrieks at me, hovering her little fancy purse over the convertible’s windscreen. “Get ooooooff!”

The impact with the vuitton skin wrests a yelp out of my grin and throws me on the sidewalk. I run back next to Sophie, placing my fierce snarl between her frozen smile and the metal slayer. Young blood dripping from her candy lips burns down my nostrils and sharpens my creepers.

“Move, you stupid idiot moron! THAT ain’t ever gonna testify against you in a court of law!”

Comments: 9

KC Klein Jul 24, 2008, 8:14am EDT

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Mary H. Jul 24, 2008, 10:16am EDT

This is horrifying, but a little confusing. I really like the contrast between the characters. In a very short piece you've managed to suggest a wide class gap between the two sets of people. Maybe the writing is just a bit too clever to draw me into the scene. For example, "the metal slayer" doesn't sound like it should be coming from the point of view character who has just witnessed the murder (? or accidental killing? another thing that's unclear) of her best friend.

Some interesting tension here and maybe the point is to make it more interesting by leaving questions in the reader's mind. For example, Why is the p.o.v. character grinning? creepers? I'm beginning to think this is a scene from M.I.B.

Thanks.

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Sakuragirl S. Jul 25, 2008, 1:08am EDT

Hi, Mary. Thanks for reading and giving me feedback.

There are indeed a bit too many questions left unanswered than I actually planned. Therefore I'll rewrite this in a relatively longer version and bring in a few more answers - hope not too many, though :)

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René Allen Jul 30, 2008, 12:49pm EDT

Is this a children's story Glory?

I am curious to know if this is going to be a SERIES. . .

Blessings ~
Rene

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Human, Katherine, seeker of intergalactic life, inhabitant of Earth Aug 7, 2008, 1:20am EDT

Very interesting....beasts can bring quick ends to mortals, one doesn't need to testify in court to get their just reward....evil grin

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Sakuragirl S. Aug 11, 2008, 1:59am EDT

Hi René. This is not a children story and I don't plan on making it a series. For now, at least :)
Thanks for reading me.

Katherine, I totally agree with you :D

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Sheila Deeth Aug 20, 2008, 11:39pm EDT

Scary again. But definitely interesting.

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Haim Kadman Aug 21, 2008, 2:24pm EDT

Very well written with so much suspense, I loved it Glory. By the way I've among my very posts a short story with the same title - well it's a small world. I remember during the 80s I prepared an art exhibition with a certain title, and learned during the next weekend that two other artists were already exhibiting with the same title - which I was so sure of its originality, yes it's a small world.

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Sakuragirl S. Aug 21, 2008, 3:12pm EDT

Small world indeed, Haim. Or maybe just a bit too crowded? LOL Thanks for the read and the feedback!

Sheila, a good king of scary, I hope :) Thanks for stopping by.

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Comments: 9

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