With his fingers hovering the keyboard, Steve petitions the merciful side of his stubborn brain to call forth the prestige-saving information. He offers up his good ear in return for full recollection of the details and players in that sports conversation. If he believed in the supernatural or a deity, this would be the point at which he would start begging, adoring, and promising.
The patchy scene replays. Someone expresses grave loathing for televised tennis and he jumps right on it with, "I would rather be dipped naked in a vat of boiling cat piss than forced to watch a set." It seems harmless enough, especially when several popular girls acclaim him with typed laughter and flirty responses, there in the comment section for everyone to see. The problem lies in the ensuing stream of half-baked slams he types against every televised sport that comes to mind, foolishly competing with his own first joke and not stopping until one of the girls called him HAWT, which he interprets as a compliment, and goes to bed gloating.
He can't remember which sports he ridiculed that night, or who agreed and disagreed with his witticisms.
What are all these people doing on the same blog anyway? Carol usually sticks with arts, and Sue with poetry. He knows how to impress them in those arenas, without obligating himself to remember anything. Why were they on the sports blog the other night, and what are they doing here now, commenting on this silly pajamas vs. gowns poll? Better yet, what does televised sports and suggested procedures for cleaning spewed drinks off computer monitors have to do with bedclothes anyway? The stakes rise when conversations go off track, requiring him to remember every word he has said about topics that don't interest him.
Now, for reasons he can only guess, the owner of the sports blog where he earned his delightful acceptance has either deleted the blog, or made it inaccessible to Steve. He can't go back to see if Carol hated hockey and Sue loved it, if it was the other way around, or if he mentioned soccer.
He remembers watching poor Rick go from king of the hill to permanent blackball status after removing his lips from Carol's behind for a split second in a discussion about lettuce preferences. He doesn't want to suffer the same fate this soon after a popular girl called him HAWT. Anything he says now could be the death of his acceptance.
Steve touches his fingertips to the keys. His vague memories of the sports conversation go blurry and his upper lip pops a bead of sweat. With a little luck, no one else will remember his loose ramblings from the other night any more than he does. If he were really in their league, he would leave clever comments now and mask his previous dishonesty with humor. Since humor only hits him in spurts, leaving dozens of flattering comments on everything they post might better ensure their need for him. But they post often and that would require neglecting his family and responsibilities.
That leaves one option. He creates a new identity, a female this time. She will support him for now; call him HAWT and LOL at everything he says. If that doesn't work, she will ignore topics and drop sexual innuendos everywhere. He'll make her popular and allow himself to fade out.
He clicks the JOIN HERE button knowing one thing for certain. He will never have to remember a word his new identity types, because she will never express an opinion.
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Comments: 78
But I think the bigger picture that you touch on is much more important. It is rather sad that anyone would type what they think will please others rather than what they really think. It is afterall, just an online forum.
Yes, many of us here consider our connections "friends" in the truest sense of the word, but that can only be the case when what we "say" here is honest. Then we never have to worry about remembering what we've said to whom.
Nice work.
Wow...I am always amazed at the cult mentality of Fox News watchers...Wonder is any of them can be deprogrammed?
I dunno anything about the subjects of this piece, but it is a deliciously nasty little piece of work. Obviously they are outside my "circle of acquaintance."
Lucky me.
You have beautiful claws, lady...and they are honed to a very fine point.
Your point is loud and clear Sandy. It's a sad state of affairs when people lose themselves for the sake of ego and attention. Very well written expose', so to speak.
I also understand the message in the story. I think we all have met Steve on the internet. Sadly, I've met many Steve's in real life. I know people that are religious around religious people and atheist around atheists. They are conservative when it's handy and liberal the rest of the time.
However, I don't really think that it's always a case of being fake when someone changes their opinion from day to day. I might say one day that being a stay-at-home mom is great and I love it. The next day might not be going as well and I might say it's the worst decision I've ever made. Both are true for me at the moment they are stated and subject to change without notice.
I'm not so sure that your example of choosing not to be employed works for me. That sounds more like mood swings or reactions to circumstances. If you really hated your life choice every other day, you'd probably either change it or lose your mind.
This is a good point. It really is much better, easier, and just all around nicer, to be yourself.
I'm dealing with a few Steves in real life. Some of the same old characters...and a couple of new.
I'm glad to feel like I never left here... I've forgotten how much I need this outlet.
That was a pretty lousy example. Perhaps I'm feeling guilty about it or something.
Changing one's mind or mood is not the same thing as sucking up to people pretending to agree with them or to be who you think they want you to be, which I know was the point of the story.
I'm only a couple months into the blogosphere, yet I have already encountered such characters as related in your piece.
It is easier now for me to recognize who is sincere and who is pretentious, particularly given my recent experience in which you so kindly and bravely gave me comfort and support.
I am learning when it is time to cut bait and fish as I always tend to react to others as if they are sincerely interested in debate. Yet sometimes understanding cannot be achieved, discussions cannot be realized, words ignored, points not conceded or countered, and my time becomes wasted on the irrational and insecure. But still I try, just not for as long as I use to.
I thank you for being my friend and for sharing your sensitive perspective and insight.
Welcome to Gather, where all your personalities can freely express themselves, debate each other, love each other, hate each other, fall back into love again and have a family. You'll just have to learn how to share the key board as well as brain cells.
Jim - I too did not know HAWT so I looked it up and found:
HAWT Have/Having A Wonderful Time
HAWT Horizontal-Axis Wind Turbine
Wow! seems even an acronym can have a dual personality!
Sad testament is a perfect description, Kathleen.
Andrea, I hope you know I wasn't being critical of you in my first response. I should have worded that better to make it clear that I thought you were being too hard on yourself in that comparison.
Nick, veils seldom hide as much as those who hide behind them hope they will. Piece of nasty works, too. Think when Gather finally makes categories for poetry/essays/short stories/games/diary entries, they'll also add sad testaments and pieces of nasty?
Mike, I'm not surprised to see that it didn't take long for you to recognize such characters. The good news is that there are also many sincere, wonderful people around. If you have the patience to sift, the good ones make it worth the stay.
Richard, I think honesty is important to all of us.
Jim, I think HAWT is a cutesy word for HOT, which is another slang word for I like you. But I'm not really cool enough to be positive.
Duckie, it sounds like you might at least have a partial key to alters? Do you know how valuable that makes you?
MJ, I like this: "You'll just have to learn how to share the key board as well as brain cells.
Sue, this is about many people I've observed, and not just on Gather. You picked up on the part of this 'story' that most interests me, and it isn't specific to alters. "It would be rather humorous to watch someone interested in the social aspects of the site consistently attempt to please people at the expense of one's own identity and integrity." Even though I laugh at times, I don't think this is humorous. I am sad for people who trade identity and integrity for popularity. Very sad for them.
Thanks, everyone.
In my last dip, meditating on my back in the pool, I pondered this a bit, and took it even one step further, Sandy. Some people also have not developed any identity to trade, perhaps an even sadder thought. We do have to realize, however, that there are probably as many varying degrees of social development as there are of mental acuity, and they are not at all necessarily comparable.
I've seen some threads where the whole purpose is flirting, but masked under the pretense of a much more intellectual discussion quickly turned otherwise. If you read through the comments, and there are usually far fewer men, so you see women vie for the attention of these few men with their wit, some much less witty than others. (not referring to any group in which I have ever seen you engage, or with which I have)
Enter another female, but a stranger, someone not in this group, and watch a comment she makes directly about the article turn away the attention of any of the men, and the stranger may as well have walked topless into a physical room with these people. Many of the women become defensive and critical. Remove the stranger altogether, and put these same people in a physical room alone, and many of them would still be stumbling, because they have never developed an identity. The computer screen shields them from ever having to face this fact. Sad? Well, not really. It's the way it is, and the way it always has been for these people, either on or offline. I still find it, at least, entertaining, and the same is true for those who do have an identity, but would trade it for some false sense of security or belonging. That's just who they are.
"Horizontal - Ass Wind Turbine"
Get that copyrighted, we'll find a developer and be on the cutting edge of the alternative fuel wave! I only want 20% of the action.
I hate to admit all of this...but I will do what I can...but not sure reason is my strong suit these days.
Also... ouch. I know this isn't about me, but there's a thirteen-year-old boy inside of me who knows first hand all about it. I wanted so badly to say the things that would make me popular... make people like me. Turned out that the only time anyone really listened was when I spoke honestly, so I never had the chance to get a good fake persona off the ground.
I see this in the offline world all the time, too—coming from grown adults who ought to know better. I have to be careful never to agree with certain people, because tomorrow when they take the opposite position I will be their enemy. They find that intolerable. they can just get in line with the other people who are waiting their turn to take a poke at me.
Priscilla, I always appreciate your input. I follow you to other people's articles to read your comments.
Sue, I know exactly the scene you describe. I do laugh sometimes, because it is funny when everyone is just playing around. But I feel guilty about laughing and feel sad if I see that's all a person does. An old friend came to mind as I read your comment. Her whole life was flirting and laughing, never a serious moment or discussion that I saw, and no matter what anyone else said, she agreed. Guys loved her. I'm not so sure she loved herself, though.
MJ, do I at least get a Coke and bag of chips for bringing you guys together for this project?
Thanks, John, for noticing that I am not unsympathetic.
Becky, I promise, you haven't lost it.
Time Heals, I appreciate your thoughtful comment and especially thank you for this: "I wanted so badly to say the things that would make me popular... make people like me. Turned out that the only time anyone really listened was when I spoke honestly, so I never had the chance to get a good fake persona off the ground."
(I'm ignoring TH's last comment)
I enjoyed the fable...it really worked for me. I am who I am....you can take me as I am or just leave. The "Steves" in this world are certainly not for me. I want honest communication between those I choose to call my friends. If you don't want an honest relationship, then there's the door.
Thanks, Elizabeth. I'm a big fan of honesty too.
Something happened to Snarky?
Thanks, Priscilla.
I thought so, Donna.
John, if what you say is true, we get to be on the same team. I'm in the minors.
Ruth, I look forward to seeing what you're bouncing around. I've had a stack of starts sitting around here for a while. Usually, I don't publish unless everything I have, and everything my connections have, are dead. In recent months, that meant I spent most of my time reading and commenting, because my connections were BUSY. Either they're all on vacation, they've disconnected me, or everything is going into private groups and sets, because my feed looks like a ghost town.
What struck me about it was the vast amount of pressure the character is under. I actually felt kind of sorry for him.
A classic example of this is those slander emails about political candidates which make the rounds. The person who originally wrote it and mass-mailed it should be prosecuted under existing slander laws. Someone who receives such an email posts it on a blog site with the announcement 'look what I got in my email'. That person is also guilty of publishing harmful lies about another person. We don't need new laws to prosecute these people, we need to remember that we already have sufficient laws which aren't being enforced. Mass-mailing and blogging are both forms of publishing.
David, I also feel sorry/sad for people who put this kind of pressure on themselves to be accepted or liked.
Time Heals, you make some great points and I wish we would see a few of the authors (and promoters) of the slander emails prosecuted for slander. I think most people would agree with you that many people don't bring their usual conventions with them to the internet, but I don't. I can't imagine it being possible for a person to sidestep his principles in one area of his life and not be able to do it in every other. I think people who will do whatever it takes to "win friends and influence people" on the internet will do the same anywhere.
Sandy, so well put and I actually didn't think of anyone when I was reading this, nor did I think that you were thinking of someone in particular. I'm not up to date with the alters on here, and don't want to be as it just takes too damned much time that I don't have and would rather be doing something else with anyways. I've met people from the 'net in real life and some have been the same as they are on the net, but often they're totally different, which IS sad, because time after time, I've been told that I'm exactly the same. I take that as a compliment though it might not always be meant as one. Honesty's important.
Marilyn
Marilyn, you make a great point about people being different from one site to the next. Some change from one post to another, depending on who posted and whether or not their friends got there first and agreed or not.
I seem to meet people similar to this much too often in person. I have learned to be leery of someone who is an expert at every thing you mention, from laying down linoleum to putting in tile to being a locksmith to a computer expert to ... you get the idea. It's always possible that someone could be so talented, but not when the person is unable to hold a job more than a couple weeks.
The fictional guy you wrote about sounds young and very insecure and unhappy. I, too, felt sorry for him. Imagine how hard it would be to live a life always trying to say what other people wanted to hear...
Thanks for putting all these articles in this format. Saves me a lot of time.
(If you're going to do caricatures, don't feel you need to leave me out.)