As I reread my article, several things jumped out at me. After I got myself scraped off of the ceiling, I realized that this needed some work. It is amazing how much more you notice, after you have been taking classes again. (LOL) From the beginning, I have always known my father supported me. His parents are the same way. I love you may have been rarely spoken, but it was always felt. Since I recently reposted the poem for my mom, I thought it would only be fair to give my dad's story too.
When I was younger, my mother and I seemed to always clash, and not lightly either. It took many years, and some of the deepest pain in my life for me to realize that I was missing out on a relationship with half of my parents, but I am getting ahead of myself. I guess to a point it was typical, in that a lot of teenage girls and their mothers fight. I won't rehash the whole history, since that would take too many pages, dredge up too much past, and cover things best left buried.
Anyway, my dad was always there for me. He went to see me march in football games, and play in a pep band to spend time with me because he had an unusual schedule since he was a restaurant manager. He usually got to work the late shift, so he would have to get up in the middle of his night to come and see these little events of mine (my brother graduated 3 years before I did), and then go to work afterward. I never did kid myself into thinking my dad was a saint. He was not good in relationships. He was married, but seperated from his second wife when I got married. He had a live in girlfriend, that had made him step back to just being a friend because she didn't want to be a kept woman (don't even try to figure that one out), an ex-wife which was my mother, and I found out a couple of years earlier, a child by another woman that ended up coming to stay with my husband and I. He would have made an excellent storyline for a soap opera when he was diagnosed with cancer.
The only thing that I knew was that my dad went out of his way to worry about me. When I had problems with my mom, he was there. When I had problems with my step-father and ran away, he helped to step in and come and get me home. He tried to get me to listen to mom and do things the right way, not my boyfriends way. He always talked to me, not around me. He was so proud of his grandson when he was born, even though he was already sick. When I found out I was pregnent again, it wasn't good, because I had just had surgery less than 6weeks before I had gotten pregnant. I had a very hard pregnancy, and my dad was worried about ME all through it. Here he was dying of cancer, he had come close to remission, but it had returned with fury before it got to the point of being declared in remission. He did all he could to fight it while he knew I was in danger. When I went to the hospital, he was in one, though I didn't know it. After my daughter was born, my father's best friend, and my best friends father, and a man who is the closest thing I will ever have to a father besides my dad, was at the hospital. He took a picture of my beautiful baby girl, and showed her to her grandfather. He told her all about his granddaughter (we had told the hospital he was grandpa) and my father gave the no special measures order at that point, and died a few hours later.
I was 21 that year, and I finally stood up to an abusive relationship with my husband, so I ended up divorced. I started my life over at 21, a single parent with 2 beautiful children, having lost one of my best friends-my father. It took me almost 15 years to finally write this poem for my dad. It feels oddly relieving to be able to write these paragraphs about him also. He regretted many of his sins before he died. I hope he truly confessed his sins and accepted Jesus as he said. I know he wouldn't want to hurt his parents, so I can only hope he did follow his heart, and hear Jesus too. I may miss my father, but it is a small comfort to know that he is at peace, and the pain he suffered is but a blink in time to eternity with Our Lord Jesus Christ.
ONE MAN
All my life there's been one man
to comfort me and show
that just because of who I am
how far in life I would go.
He tried to show me all I can be
and raise me up just right.
Though he rarely said he loved me,
I knew he loved me with all his might.
He was there for me
in ways none understood
he knew just when to comfort me
and showed me I was good.
His depth of caring amazed me
and stayed with me all my life.
He was there to help me
no matter the sorrow or strife.
His ultimate concern has stayed with me
and helps me still today
to live with the pain and agony
just to know I would be okay.
He helped me to believe in me
and all the dreams inside
but I always felt I lost so much
the day my father died.
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Comments: 51
My father seems a lot like yours which made this write more poignant to me though my mmoter was a good support person as well.
Good stuff, Lisa.
My mom got better, and I miss her too.
Thank you very much for your comments and compliment!
Danielle-Many people thought my dad hated women or something, on the contrary, he loved them too much. He wanted to take care of them, and ended up hurting them in the long run. Oddly, he was the one hurt in the end. The one he could never get over losing, was probably the coldest one of the bunch. For the record, my stepmothers are my friends too...lol
Brian-Thanks for your compliment!
Sometimes we are gifted with parents and we mimic them because they were so good. Some folks get parents, and the learn to be good parents (by bad example) by learning how NOT to talk and how to listen to your children. I think of it as "parental free will." We choose how to be.
I have seen miracle children (in several hundred instances) come out of a really uber-biatch household and do exceedingly well; and have seen what I would consider really awesome moms puzzled and traumatized by evil or stupid children.
Life is a roller coaster ride. We share a lot of similarities in life, I think. Early kids, lessons learned. My parents, I've been in love with them my whole life. I was blessed, I know, more than most in that gift.
Great write. Strong man. Good Daughter.
Blessings, daughter.
Wilka
A beautiful poem.
Deb-One of things I am sorry about is that my kids do not either. Their biological dad has only shown up in recent years when he doesn't have to worry about child support any more. I have never understood why a parent can become so detached.
Wilka- You are so right. I have seen both sets of instances too. I worked in childcare for 6 years, and it helped me to realize that my children were normal, and I didn't have to freak out about things that most of my family did. My mother telling me that she was proud of me for raising my children Different from how she raised us, was probably my happies moment with her. We had 8 good years before she died, and good times long before that happened.
Charity-I do carry both of my parents in my heart. I think my biggest regret is that my children never got to know my father.
Chris- Thank you
Kathryn-I have learned one thing above all over the years, with God's help I am a survivor. He has kept me from doing anything stupid more than once in my life, and let me know that he has more for me to do plenty of others. He is why I continue, my hope, and my guidance.
Sadonna- all too many times we all find out later that we have taken for granted that which we should appreciate.
Selene- Thank you for our comments. I do appreciate them.
10 4 u
Thanks for posting and letting us all share in this poignant story.
Renee- My DAD was never violent in any way, he just had trouble keeping himself to one. (I don't condone that either, by a long shot, I have been through that too, and it hurts in other ways.)
Angela-Thank you, when it came to being a dad, he was pretty good.
We are both blessed! It's also great that you made peace with your mom. Mine is 83 and she is never going to like me. It's a loss for both of us.
though this morning, I am not feeling all here, much less serious! lol
This is such a lovely tribute and it's very kind of you to share such a wonderful remembrance with us.