Modeling Behavior for your Baby

 "Do as I say, not as I do!" As much as we all would wish this saying worked with our offspring, the reality is that your actions do determine your children's behavior more than your words. Instead of doing as you say, it's more like: "Monkey see, monkey do" and "Actions speak louder that words."

Bearing this in mind, it might be useful to make a checklist of habits you'd like to break before your baby is even born. Smoking, excessive television watching, an aversion to exercise, swearing, unhealthy food choices? Do you read as many books as you'd like your child to read? Do you say unkind things about others? Are you always late for events and appointments? Is your home messier than you'd like?

Without passing judgment on any of these behaviors, I merely ask the question—are these behaviors that you want to model for your children? Many times parents get frustrated because as their children get older, they have less and less control over their child's environment. For example, a family may have tried valiantly to keep sugar products away from their child's diet, but once other caretakers are involved with the child, the sugar rules may get broken. The "violator" may be a grandparent, babysitter, or a day care provider. Another common example is a family who has tried to maintain a television-free home for the child's early years, but when the child goes to a friend's home, the television is blaring constantly.

In situations where parents are fearful about how others might influence their child, I reassure parents that the child will ultimately be affected most by the behavior in his home environment. In my experience, if the rules are too stringent or unrealistic, the child may be driven to seek the offending item. Moderation and good model behavior at home usually leads to the best outcomes. For example, perhaps offer a trade off like for every hour of reading, your child gets to watch an hour of television, or you give sweets for dessert once or twice a week.

Reading is a particularly good example of how modeling behavior can affect a child. Time and again, studies show that reading to your children and making books a priority at home leads to better academic futures for children. Examine your own reading habits. You may find that your hectic life has taken you away from books, but there are always a few minutes to sit with a book. If your children see you reading and discussing books, most likely they will soon model your example.

Have you seen modeling at work in your home? What habits—good or bad—have you seen your child pick up from your or your partner?

Dr. Victoria McEvoy graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1975 and is currently an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at HMS. She is the Medical Director and Chief of Pediatrics at Mass General West Medical Group. She has practiced pediatrics for almost thirty years. She has been married to Earl for thirty six years and raised four children. She currently enjoys writing, traveling, reading, almost all sports, and spending time with her two grandsons.

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