My Child, my friend, my enemy.

Your words comes straight to my heart Lisa. Life is multi-layered and it changes so fast. we have to watch the it and ready to face the faded colors too.

Great poem from a lovely mother.

thank you. I know that this too is a stage we must cross, but somehow this has become the hard one. Not in letting go of her, but in letting go of blame that I was raised to take. This is another part of the cycle I am going to break!

Very good Lisa and very sad. I'm sorry you are being blamed.

By all means break it. I think they learn this stuff at school, out with their friends, t.v., especially t.v. It seems to be cool now not to be able to get along with one's mother. I'm in my 50's and we (my friends and I) all valued our mothers and thought a lot of them. But I'm sorry that you have to go through this. One time I heard a minister explain the harder it is for the child to truly feel independent, the harder they fight and the snarlier they are.

I wish you all the best in your efforts. Sometimes it just takes maturing on the part of our children. I once despaired of ever being friends again with my son. but now he tells me that everything that is good in him came from me.

Hang in there.

Kay, Lynn, and Dianne- thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I am sure my daughter will come around, but she has to stop looking for where to put the blame and say, it happened what do I do to go on. Until then, we are in for a long bumpy road. But I will always be her mother.

I know this story all to well, too many years, too many tears and someday they will realize their loss. I'm out of tears and I have realized it is just better not focus on it. Hurting people hurt others...but you can't help them if they don't want help. It tears your heart out the first few times, but by the 100th time, it's ---a shock then, yea, but what did I expect...this is what always happens....and maybe someday it will change.

I recently was blamed for the actions of another person from over 28 years ago and told I need to confess my sins and get right with God...and how stupid I was. I cried the whole time. I was told all the bad that happened to me was my own fault. All it told me was there was nothing more I could do but pray. There was no sense in arguing, I know where I stand with God, he knows my heart. Sometimes you just have to let go and let them figure it out on their own and let God deal with it. For now I accept it. It is like stepping out of the path of a speeding train, you can't stop it, so you might as well get out of the way and watch it slow down... from a distance where you can't get too hurt.

Yes you will always be her mother, but you were never meant to be her doormat!

Thank you Heather. My eyes seem to have a water problem now. You are so right, and I am going to have to stop being her doormat, for me, and for her. It only makes things worse for her to continue down the road she is on, but I can't stop her, but I can be the constant, and the one who loves her enough to say no, it stops here.

Sounds like you are on the right path. It's great you have raised an independent daughter, but now it is causing your pain. Chances are good that she will come around once she figures out who she is. Best of luck to both of you.

While they are children they are our responsibility. When they reach adulthood, they are responsible for themselves. They can no longer validly claim that anyone else is responsible for their errors. Lisa, you did what you could. Now it's up to her.

Beautiful Poem. You need to stop blaming yourself and taking the blame from your daughter. She needs to take responsiblity about her own life and stop being so selfish.

Lois-Thank you for your encouraging words. I know how she has been raised, and now I just have to trust that she will do the right things. Logically, I know this, but it is so hard to not feel like you are to blame when your childs life is turned so far.

Larry-When I would talk to people in groups, somebody would invariably say, my parents did this or did that, and they ruined my life. I would ask them their age, and if it was over 18, I would say, "Your parents had 18 years to "mess up your life", but the main thing is what have you done since then to straighten it out?" I guess I need to ask my daughter the same question.

Sharon-We have had this discussion, and you are right. I was never good at standing up to my mother when she was like this, and my daughter is so much like her that I have gone into my old bad habit of putting up with it.

((( God..can surely take this into His hands...with such ease )))

Charity-Yes He can, and thank you for the reminder!

I know, now I'm a mom and these feelings are around me so many times but Lisa, I'm sure you fulfiled your duties and resposibilities very well and that guy siting up there will reward for the good things.

love

I know. I just hate to see my daughter be that kind of person right now. She has a good heart, she just needs to find it again.

Thank you for your special support, Bhawana. You always have a way of lighting my day.

Lisa no matter how great a job of teaching them, loving them, they go through stages. some eventually get back to being the child you raised and sometimes they just go their own way and all you can do as you said is pray.

I am getting back to praying and realizing it is her time to discover herself. I may not take the abuse, and I will support her as I can, but it is time for my bird to fly and face nature on her own.

Li - that was a beautiful poem. My daughter is alomst ready to fly and all I hope is that she makes the right choices on her own. Chin up, dear freind.

While it is difficult to watch them make what we think are mistakes, it is necessary for them to complete their journey into being adults. That doesn't make it any easier as a parent to want to catch them before they fall. My daughter is a beautiful and intelligent young woman, and I am sure she will be standing tall again soon. Thank you for the kind words my friend.

very nicely done...

This is quite sad. It is fairly common for a grown child not to want to take advice. It's hard not to want to help, but sometimes you must step back and let them go alone, or face resentment. My daughter is 23 and she doesn't like momma telling her what to do. I wait until I'm asked for advice. Patience, even with your own children, is a virtue.

Lisa, I greetly appreciate your kind words and prayers. I never thought I would face something as difficult as a stroke. I am buoyed by you and other friends on Gather. So many have written to me that I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am trying to reciprocate to everyone, but it takes time. I would rather write because it calms me. However, I do want you to understand how sincere I am in my thanks.

I don't doubt your sincerity, and you are most certainly in my prayers. Having just gone through a debilitating surge in my "condition", I can understand some of the frustration you feel, and you are fighting and bouncing back must faster then I did from my issues that seem so much smaller now. I meant it when I said you are an inspiration. Being limited doesn't mean being lifeless. God Bless you my friend.

Leaving you a 10 on your way to 3000.

Thank you Vic

This one hit home in a very painful way. I have written much poetry about my estrangment with my daughter but this spoke in to me in a way that I coud never put words to. Great poem!

Jennifer- Thanks for the comment

Apryl my friend, what can I say, that is a major compliment to me. If I can help somebody put into words that which escapes them, that is my goal. I will never be the kind of poet that can write with beauty and finesse of the language, but I am just simple person who writes from my heart to yours. God Bless You my friend.

Very nicely done. I think parenting goes through phases with our children. You captured the essence of these feelings.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment thoughtfully Danielle!

I lost my mom when I was 14, reading your article reminded me of her. From what I read I think your child is really lucky to have you as a mom, just like I was lucky to have my mom. I'm sure things will get easier..they usually do.

That must have been hard. I didn't lose my mom until I was 36, and I lost my dad when I was 20, and those were hard enough on me. My mother and I didn't get a good relationship until I was away from home for a few years. By the time I was working to get a good relationship, I had already lost my father, so I was determined to have a good relationship with my kids based on respect and love. I realize this is just part of the process for her. Thank you for your kind comments.

you're welcome. I wanted to say something because your article really touched me. I lost my dad three years after I lost my mom, when I was 17. I was luckier than most orphans though, I had a brother a couple of years older who became my guardian, so things worked out. Your article was just such beautiful sentiment.

Thank you again. TO me one of the highest compliments that I can get is when somebody is touched by my writing in any way. God Bless you and Keep you.

lisa Irally like the poom and you are not to blame for everything

I know Amanda. Have I told you how glad I am you are my daughter-in-law?

I am glad you like the poem.

HUG.

Sad , but beautifully expressed.

Sandi and Shelbia- thank you both so much. It has been more trying with her then the teen years were with her brother...and that is saying something.
I know I have got two wonderful kids with a good background, I just have to trust her to the Lord.

Beautiful..thanks for sharing

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